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Help - Mum of baby twins close to breaking point with assets frozen as long disappeared ex husband demands half of my assets after he lost his share of our marital wealth.

(9 Posts)
Lulublue22 Sun 20-Jan-13 15:32:05

Please help me, i don't know where to turn. I cant sleep and i cant stop crying. My twins are now six months old and i feel i have not spent any quality time with them through worry. Two days ago i found myself kissing them goodbye as i felt i could no longer go on. I am scared i am going to do something rash if this does not get sorted.

In 2008 i asked my then out of work husband for a divorce after i discovered whilst transferring my mortgage that he had remortgaged our property by £130,000. I never saw a penny of this money. It was obvious i could no longer trust him, combined with the fact it was clear he did not want children and the years of resentment of financing his lifestyle while he lounged around at home pretending to the world he was a big businessman whilst i worked all hours was the last straw.

Thankfully the house was quite large and we managed to live separate lives in it amicably until we finally found a buyer for it in summer 2009. During this time we both dated other people. In April 2010 the sale finally went through and at his suggestion (he was 10 years older than me and had watched his sister and friends lose money through divorce) we agreed to split our finances without lawyers and do the divorce online to preserve what little cash we had. This was agreed in principle months before the sale and i have email evidence to the solicitor dealing with the sale of this split - i was to receive a larger amount due to the amount he had stolen from our mortgage account and the fact i had paid over £220,000 in mortgage repayments over the years whilst he had contributed nothing. Just weeks before he claimed he no longer agreed to this split and so i agreed reluctantly to sign over my property in Turkey to him worth around £100,000 at the time. He was happy with this. We then both put it in an email to the solicitor that this was how we were splitting our assets.
The day he moved out, i called an online company to start divorce proceedings. My ex then proceeded to avoid all my attempts to get a divorce. I moved on with my life, renovated a property and got pregnant with my current partner. I text my ex numerous times to ask for a divorce and nothing yet the minute i sold my property at a profit he started divorce proceedings and slapped a freezing order on my assets.

It turns out that within a month of receiving his share of the marital home he managed to lose £200,000 through gambling. He claims he has debts which are marital - they are not, they are to do with his failed businesses and a lifestyle that him and his girlfriend have led since him and i split. He is now trying to come after me for half of everything i have. My money has now been frozen for a year. The case went to court in April (whilst pregnant) to see if he should be held to the agreement but my ex argued that the case be adjourned as a full court hearing was needed and the judge agreed to it.This had an adverse affect on my blood pressure and ultimately resulted in pre eclampsia starting from week 16 of my pregnancy. Despite all the stress and reams of paperwork, I managed to make it to week 33 when my babies were born weighing 3,12lb and 4,6lb. They spent two weeks in NICU.

The new court case was set for October. The babies were just 3 months old and i managed to prepare all the documents on time and be at the court on time with babysitter and bags of expressed milk. My ex turned up with a suitcase of documents and managed to get the case adjourned again claiming he had not had enough time to prepare his case. The judge agreed! More costs, more agonising waiting time, my money still frozen.

It is now January and i am so distressed. I don't know where to turn. I cant buy a house. i am no nearer to getting a resolution. My solicitors bill is circa £120k yet there is still more to come and i believe they are straying further and further from the main argument - that we had an agreement, which there is email evidence of.

This is not the life i had planned for my babies. My partner and i are at each others throats and close to break up. I wake up every night in tears worrying about how i will care for my children and look after them financially. I have lost so much money on solicitors and don't know where to turn now. I am so low, that i am afraid that in a moment of madness i will do something rash. I do not want my children will end up growing up without a mother.

Please can someone help?

RedHelenB Sun 20-Jan-13 15:42:57

How much money is frozen? Have you still got a job to go back to after your maternity leave & is your now dp still working. I am really confused about the house you sold in Turkey. What has your solicitor said are possible outcomes? Was the mortgage on the house he remortgaged in both your names or just his?

RedHelenB Sun 20-Jan-13 15:45:50

Oh & babies don't know if they are in a rented house or a mortgaged house so don't worry about that concentrate on nurturing them you have got a long life ahead together with them & your partner.

Lulublue22 Sun 20-Jan-13 16:08:49

Thanks so much for coming back to me. I currently work for my partner just to confuse matters, so if we break up i lose my job but on paper i am currently earning, i can't afford not to. The house in Turkey never got sold as he was renting it out and taking the profits, instead, i agreed to transfer it over to him. During our marriage we bought two houses (one in his name one in mine) in Turkey which he rented out and took all the proceeds for. I agreed to transfer the one in my name into his name, he took the keys when we split and rented it (albeit only a few times but he still has an advert on it on the internet) out. However as he refused to answer any correspondance from me, i was unable to fix a date for us to go out to Turkey to officially sign it over.
For clarity my ex took the money from the mortgage account by changing the mortgage on the property to another company. He told me he had found a much cheaper mortgage provider, i was busy working all hours at the time and when he asked me to sign on the pages with the yellow tabs claiming he had checked everything i just did it - he was my husband i trusted him. It was not until that mortgage company went under and we had to change mortgages that i went to a meeting with a new mortgage company, they read out how much the new mortgage was for and i was horrified to learn it was for £130k more than we had originally taken out. I asked for a divorce that day. I also have a written statement from the new mortgage adviser explaining what happened in the meeting and how shocked i was to hear that the mortgage was for so much more than i thought.
My ex is now working and earning double what i currently earn, but he claims he cannot get a mortgage due to marital debts(not true as i paid for everything whilst we were married, i ran a very successful company which unfortunately took a downturn with the recession), that is why he is now coming after me for my money.
My solicitors initially told me that he had no chance of getting anything now it is a 10% chance at best. However they have made a couple of mistakes with the case which has made me lose faith in them. They keep blaming the fact it has gone on so long on poor judges and on the fact that my ex husbands solicitor is so poor.
If i had paid my ex what i had paid them this would be over now but it is the injustice of everything. It was him who wanted to do this without lawyers. If he wanted to purchase a property he could have done that mortgage free with his share of our FH but he instead decided to gamble the money..
Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated.

Lulublue22 Sun 20-Jan-13 16:15:19

My problem is emotionally i was kicked out of home as a teenager. I have always had a volatile relationship with my own mother. I did not want to have children until i was sure i could both afford them and was able to give them a stable family home for life. I have worked hard since leaving school to ensure that i can do this, i gave my ex far too many chances, it was clear he would never be a good father. I am so frustrated that he can now come along and try and take away everything i have worked for and ruin what was a wonderful relationship with my partner

RedHelenB Sun 20-Jan-13 16:45:19

Don't let him ruin it!!! Stop worrying, let your solicitor do their job & when the judge makes his ruling decide how best to spend the money you do get. Worrying about things outside your control, really is draining, do try to concentrate on your babies & repairing your relationship with the twins father. Have you other children too?

babyhammock Sun 20-Jan-13 21:49:25

OMG you poor poor thing sad
What a bastard and I am simply shock at your solicitors fees. When you win this (and I really hope justice will prevail) you must claim costs against him.

My ex tried to take half my house that I had bought on my own years before I'd even met him (and when he had never lived with me and DS). I had reems of evidence that he had contributed nothing/didn't live with us etc but it went on for 8 months and during that time all my money from the sale was held. Honestly it was hell. He was very abusive and I thought leaving was the hard bit, I couldn't have been more wrong.

AgnesBligg Sun 20-Jan-13 22:28:38

What a horrible situation for you, and what a scrounging cocklodger of an ex.

I too had a terrible time when my son was still tiny, with a horrible ex who reneged on all our agreements and pursued me for a large chunk of money from my house. I felt rage and despair.

This is what I would do differently if I had that time again...I would determine to be happy and enjoy my partner and DC and new life, come what may. I would visit my GP and get help with my anxiety and upset. (Much later I discovered that anti-D's help greatly with these things! and helped me manage the things I could and needed to do to put me back on track).

You could consider getting some better lawyers, your ones are costingt the earth as it is, but don't seem very effective from what you have said. You need an ultra clever rottweiler on your side smile.

Decide to win. Calm yours self down, let the lawyer get on with winning your case. Also remind yourself that despite the sums of money you have made that money once and will do so again. Good luck.

AgnesBligg Sun 20-Jan-13 22:37:41

Oh and I'm sure some Legal heads will be along sometime, I bet they all go to bed early...

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