Happy New Year to you all. Am not a regular poster but have been following the threads in legal regarding contact etc with interest and would appreciate any advice.
Background: my exP left in May. We have 2 DS now aged 5.1 and 20 months. When he left, exP had regular(ish) contact with the boys at our home. This lasted less than a month and he began not showing, not answering phone calls/texts from me to arrange access. In June he decided that he would not see the boys again as he needed to 'sort his head out'. He then used my bank details fraudently and received a polive caution for theft. He was then issued with a harrassment warning following abusive calls/texts to me. He was informed by the police that he could contact me by email, text or letter to arrange contact with the boys. He did not get in touch until end of October.
At this time he got in touch and said he would like to see the boys again. I asked him if he was committed to them this time (it has been very upsetting for DS1 to be continually let down and then, in his eyes, abandoned; DS2 honestly has forgotten who he is). ExP assured me he really did want to be there for the boys and I arranged to take them to a local playground to meet him. It was bitterly cold and the boys weren't enjoying themselves so I agreed he could come back to our house to see them.
Over the next week he saw them a further 2 times at our home. During this week he also told me that he was going on holiday with his girlfriend on the 8th November and wouldn't be back until December. I admit to feeling uneasy as to why he had suddenly gotten in touch if he was intending to then go away again for such a long period of time and was also worried about having him in our home following the incidents in the summer (these were typical of our relationship but I only began reporting after he had left). However I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that he would not let the boys down again.
After the second time of seeing the boys, he returned later that evening on my invitiation to make a parenting agreement as I was really wanted him to commit to the boys and thought this may help. He was happy to do this and wanted to see the boys twice a week at our home to begin to rebuild their relationship. I agreed to this. ExP was supposed to bring his signed copy back (I typed it as we agreed it and emailed it to him whilst he was still here). He did not bring it back on his final visit before going on holiday and did not call the boys as he promised them while away.
On return from his holiday he did not show for the 1st 3 contacts. He then got in touch claiming he had tried to phone whilst away. When I challenged this (no missed calls on mobile/landline) he started excuses such as 'no money/forgot phone charger etc). He has not been in touch or seen the boys since. He did show at one of DS1 nativity performances with Gf and bag of presents in tow. However, DS1 was only taking part in 2 out of 3 performances as that was all I had been able to secure childcare for DS2 for, and so we weren't there. ExP gave the bag of presents to my childminder who was helping at the nativity. In it were several presents for DS1 and nothing for DS2.
And there it stands (thank you if you're still reading!). An ExP who can't commit to his boys, who uses DS1 (it's not just the presents - it's always been like this) but has absolutely no regard for how the boys feel to be continually 'dropped'. I have agreed to all the contact he wants but he still doesn't show, but is more than willing to take the chance of a public 'show'. Our lovely sons deserve better. I know ExP would never sign anything that would be helpful to me e.g. in order to be able to take the boys on holiday and I also fear that he will ramp up his efforts in disruption and control. I think I would feel more secure with a residence order but am not sure if it is something the courts would even consider.
Am so sorry this is so long. Thank you for any advice.
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Should I apply for a residence order? (long - sorry)
7 replies
Seapixie · 01/01/2013 22:54
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