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Paternity test - can the mother be compelled to allow DNA test?

(102 Posts)
BerylStreep Wed 10-Oct-12 19:46:23

Just what the title says really.

Have a friend with a young baby. Boyfriend wanted nothing to do with my friend once he found out she was pregnant. Claimed he didn't think the baby was his.

He is not on the birth certificate, has never met the baby (doesn't even know the name), but has now made contact saying he wants parental responsibility.

The guy is violent, with mh problems, and my friend wants nothing to do with him, let alone letting him access to the baby.

My question is, can she be forced to submit the baby to a paternity test?

CailinDana Thu 11-Oct-12 00:06:07

The thing is Goldship I would be very reluctant to give him an inch. Admitting he's the father will then give him a way in - he'll start banging on about contact etc just to keep a grip over the friend. If he has to deal with all the legal shit of proving paternity, without any satisfaction from the friend, then he might hopefully get bored and move on to some other poor victim.

Beryl in your friend's shoes I would consider moving and hiding. He sounds like a complete nutcase.

GoldShip Thu 11-Oct-12 00:08:06

Then let him do it, it'll bite him in the arse when CSA start chasing him. I think the mere mention of that will have him running

GoldShip Thu 11-Oct-12 00:08:43

Re the threats. Has she told the police? I'd be getting some form of injunction to protect her and the child

TheEnthusiasticTroll Thu 11-Oct-12 00:10:49

Double standards goldship, I think you have just displayed that your self.

No one is saying two wrongs make a right, this is not about a woman forcing a man to take DNA for child support.

All parents should support their children and all children have a right to know who their parent is. but if it is not within the child's best interest to be involved in a relationship with that parent, because they are violent and abusive, then that should posses its own merits and rightfully so and should not be compared to maintained battles.

Ideally no one would lie, but as a sole responsible adult for an innocent defenceless child at the hands of a vile and violent man I would take the risks and lie, however I would hope that justice would prevail, but sadly justice does not prevail at all times and so desperation to protect often over rides and I think that is what is being indicated here.

Yes some children are better off away from parents like that wether a mother or a father.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Thu 11-Oct-12 00:13:10

Beryl, re him getting legal aid, so easier to get to court... My ds got la for advice and assistance, but not for court when his ex withheld contact for no reason (she didn't like the new gf). LA don't splash out for the sake of it, and your friend already has an injunction against him

GoldShip Thu 11-Oct-12 00:14:10

How is that? confused

I see what you're saying, but suggestions like 'say the child's is the bouncers' are ridiculous and doing nothing but creating trouble further down the line.

If this is some massive game for him, then I'd suggest playing him at it legally. Rather than telling lies and complicating the child's life in the future by 'who's the daddy' arguments.

BerylStreep Thu 11-Oct-12 00:15:47

Police are aware of the threats.

I honestly fear that he is so unhinged that he would carry out his threat to set fire to the house.

It is hard though, because my friend is settled in her home, has invested in it, family contacts nearby etc. She is completely torn between trying to protect herself from him, and maintaining any form of normality.

monsterchild Thu 11-Oct-12 00:16:23

I'm thinking there's nothing she can do to stop him being crazy. He's going to do what he's going to do.

the short answer is that if he claims paternity and files a case, yes, the court can order a DNA test done against the mother's wishes. But if she knows he's the father, why dispute it? Especially if he's using it to punish her? It won't make a lick of difference to the court if he's the named dad if he is actually batshit crazy and she can show that (and it sounds like she can!), he won't get custody.

It will, as GoldShip pointed out, make him liable for support, and that's always good for kids. Just because he pays doesn't mean he can see the kid!

AThingInYourLife Thu 11-Oct-12 00:16:38

The "double standards" in relation to parentage are a result of biology, not women being bitches.

How can a man have a "right" to know if any child in the world is his?

That means all men have an open right to insist on DNA tests on any and all children if they claim to have slept with their mother around the time if conception.

I believe that women have the right not to disclose who they've slept with (or been raped by) and/or what contraception was used.

TheEnthusiasticTroll Thu 11-Oct-12 00:19:50

In my opinion some time down the line this will all have died down and the I made the cession to protect you from a violent and abusive diction may or may not hold, but I would rather dice with that than the child's safety.

I agree with you in principle, but what I would do in reality is different, if I where in this situation, as sadly things do not always pan out for the child's interest. If he isn't going to take it to court anyway like we both suspect then it makes very little difference.

GoldShip Thu 11-Oct-12 00:20:11

^How can a man have a "right" to know if any child in the world is his?

That means all men have an open right to insist on DNA tests on any and all children if they claim to have slept with their mother around the time if conception.^
Wow. Just... Wow.

He has a right to know if a child that COULD be his, is or not.
The child also has a right to know if a man that could be his, is or not.

BerylStreep Thu 11-Oct-12 00:20:45

AThing - I agree. It would be different if she was trying to force him into being a father, or extracting money, but she wants nothing to do with him. He has never seen the child, does not even know its name or when it was born, and other than harassing her, has not had any relationship with her for over a year.

TheEnthusiasticTroll Thu 11-Oct-12 00:21:30

He is a fucking monster by the sounds of it.

GoldShip Thu 11-Oct-12 00:21:35

And before this turns into a feminist argument, its nothing to do with a man having power over a woman. It's about parentage.

TheEnthusiasticTroll Thu 11-Oct-12 00:23:13

No it is about a man using his parentage to have control over a woman. Nothing feminist about it.

monsterchild Thu 11-Oct-12 00:24:19

Athing, you're forgetting the child's right to know these things. I can see how when they are little this isn't a big issue, but as they grow up it can become an issue. especially with medical histories and treatments. Why deny a child the right to know their entire family?

Why don't I have a right to my family's medical history? Shouldn't I get to know if I should be screened for breast cancer earlier than recommended? shouldn't I know if I am susceptible to having or passing on to MY children Primary pulmonary hypertension? Shouldn't I get to know if depression or schizophrenia is in my family history?

BerylStreep Thu 11-Oct-12 00:25:09

My friend has never disputed parentage.

What she is concerned about, is that if she is forced to submit to a DNA test, the result of which will prove he is the father, then this will force the issue of parental responsibility and contact.

She wants nothing to do with him.

AThingInYourLife Thu 11-Oct-12 00:25:59

"He has a right to know if a child that COULD be his, is or not. "

So any man has the right to demand DNA tests on any children born to a woman he slept with 6-12 months before the child was born?

How delightful.

BerylStreep Thu 11-Oct-12 00:26:36

Sadly, she is already aware that her baby may have a genetic predisposition to mh issues, from experience.

TheEnthusiasticTroll Thu 11-Oct-12 00:27:07

I doubt very much that knowing a man like this will make much difference, what usefull information is he likely to disclose. most people wether estranged or not do not investigate teir family lineage to such an extend for Health screenings.

GoldShip Thu 11-Oct-12 00:28:11

AThing - how do you feel about a woman demanding paternity tests on any man she had sex with at time of conception?

TheEnthusiasticTroll Thu 11-Oct-12 00:29:03

It is irrelevant goldship. It has nothing to with this example

GoldShip Thu 11-Oct-12 00:30:07

It would be wouldn't it hmm I'm interested to know AThings thoughts on it actually

AThingInYourLife Thu 11-Oct-12 00:30:57

Sorry, monster, I don't buy the genetic essentialism argument. I think it is used to fetishise the donors of genetic material over de facto parents.

"Your father was a dangerous bastard, I thought it best to keep you safe from him."

monsterchild Thu 11-Oct-12 00:34:39

I'm sorry your friend is dealing with this, and I hope she is and remains safe!

Talk to men throughout the country and they will tell you that name on birth certificate /= visits or custody.

And it could be this guy was dropped on his head, and it's nothing he'll pass on.

But the reality is often not what we expect it to be. Again, he sounds like a monster, and she is doing what she can to keep her baby safe.

But that's a separate issue from biology.

And it is an argument she needs to make in court. I'm guessing this guy is yanking her chain and has no real interest in court, unless he thought she didn't want to go. Then he'll be interested!

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