SS ordering access. One scared mum! Domestic abuse. Please help!

[PooPooOnMars]

My friend, lets call her Betty, has been told (and is complying) by SS to give access of her young dcs to her ex. I was always under the impression that access is something which is ordered by the courts not SS. Can anyone tell me if this is correct?

Betty is very young and ex has a criminal record for domestic abuse against her and is also a regular drug user. SS visited Betty and told her to let him see his children supervised (he has a family member there) as they felt he was a good hardworking man

Betty thought that because they were telling her to do this she had to comply as otherwise they would take her children away from her She doesn't feel that it is in the best interests of her children because he is still being violent (not towards her recently) and also still does drugs.

SS say that he is going to counselling so it will all be fine.

She's been for a couple of meetings with SS and in the second meeting the SW she previously saw denied some things that she had said. Betty was positive that SW was saying one thing when it was just the 2 of them but denying it in the meeting when others were present. It's all sounding rather dodgy.

Betty as I said is young and is doing as she is told because she doesn't think she has any choice, but she is scared and worried about her children. It seems that SS think they can tell her what to do because of her age and I get the impression that ex (as a typical abusive man can) has charmed them.

Can anyone help? I've suggested that she get legal advice before SS next visit and have someone else present in the meeting.

She's a really great mum, no problems there. They only got in touch with her because ex committed another violent act apparently, even though she hadn't seen him and he hadn't seen his children for at least a year.

I hope someone can help. Thanks

[Collaborate]

only the court can order contact. SS are saying that they do not believe the children are at risk of suffering significant harm if they see him.

[PooPooOnMars]

So can she just say no?

There are no risks to the children with their mum so can she just tell ss that she doesn't wish to have any more meetings with them?

[HaitchJay]

As long as they aren't under child protection it's a voluntary agreement and she can say she no longer wants their 'support'

They can always use this to escalate to CP but if it's just regarding contact there should be no reason to.

[PooPooOnMars]

Well they got in touch because the ex had hit another woman. He wasn't in her life at this point and hadn't been for a while. But now he is because of them. They won't be able to say the cp thing will they? Considering she would be stopping access.

[MrsSquirrel]

As has been said upthread, only a court can order contact. It's hard to give advice on this third-hand. She really needs to get proper advice herself. She might want to contact the Family Rights Group.

CP means Child Protection, it's social work jargon. It refers to some procedures that social workers use. There is a legal basis to these procedures.

Social workers themselves can't force anyone to do anything. When parents are compelled to do stuff, it is because social services have gone to court and obtained a court order regarding the children.

[HaitchJay]

Sorry for jargon

[pinklantern]

She needs to make it clear to SS that she feels her ex is a risk to the children and that if he wants contact SS must advise him to apply for a Contact Order and let the court decide.

She should make it clear she is not being obstructive but that she just wants things to go through the correct channels. It may well be that the court direct SS to do a Section 7 report which is basically a detailed report done by the social worker which will influence the judges decision, so it is possible that in the long run ex still gets some kind of supervised contact but at least your friend will have the peace of mind of knowing it has been fully assessed, the person supervising will be assessed (or maybe it will be done through a centre), they will consider things like hand overs if Betty doesn't want to see him etc. Also depending on the age of the child ren the Section 7 report/ judge will have to explicitly consider the wishes and feelings of the children.

Best of luck to the kiddies, I hope they get the right outcome.