Access to children

[bluebellsanddaffodils]

Dh claims that if we split, he would be able to see the children "whenever he likes"

I disagree

If he works overseas for a full month, every other month, what kind of contact could he get...?

Kids aged 24 mths and 4 mths

Thankyou

[Collaborate]

Neither of you should be dictating terms to the other. You need to both sit down and communicate. work out what's best for the children to enable them to grow up knowing that both parents love them equally.

[purplewithred]

They arent your property. The children have the right to two involved parents, you have the responsibility to make that happen for them.

[bluebellsanddaffodils]

What I mean is, if he is only home every other month, then for him to have them every weekend of that month would surely be disruptive to them? Especially being so young? or is that not the case?
i have no experience or knowledge on how little kids cope/adapt in these situations so i'm happy to be corrected.

sorry if my msg came across as blunt, i just didn't want to give too much detail and out myself

[BonkeyMollocks]

If he worked away every other month if this was me, I would be happy for him to have the children most if not every weekend during that month, especially as the next month he wouldn't see them at all.

[bluebellsanddaffodils]

So because of the job he chose and the lifestyle he leads (by choice) I have to put up with 6 months of the year, where I don't get to spend any weekends with my children for a month?

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

Erm, that's the man you chose to have dc with.

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

And you could always view it as"child-free" time, and find something you really want to do, and can't with dc in tow? Look at this as an opportinity!

[bluebellsanddaffodils]

He didn't do this job when we had our first DC - the last year he has taken on this job, turned our lives upside down, moved us across the country and then started another relationship. He now has decided that he'll leave us, but he'll see the kids whenever he wants, and if I don't say yes then he'll cut any support. I realise that he can't actually do this, but it's horrible to hear it from the man I love (still love him, yes, i'm a fool) - and i just wondered what he could actually demand.
sorry that i'm not wording it sensitively, i'm just hurting a lot at the moment and not wording things delicately

[Collaborate]

Look at it from the children's perspective. They can only see their dad during 6 months of the year. Do you think they'd thank you that you reduced their contact by half because you wanted some kind of alternate weekend pattern, that simply fails to take into account working patterns?

Courts will always accommodate work patterns like this.

[Peppin]

You need to stop thinking about what you "get" to have in terms of weekends and think about what your little DCs "get". It's not about your rights. You don't have any, in this context - your DCs do. The right to contact with both parents.

I am divorced and when we parted the DCs were 1 and 3. Even though it was v acrimonious we agreed to Ex-h having 3 weekends out of every 4 because the DCs were so tiny that a whole 2 weeks not seeing their dad would have been too long.

They are older now and we do 2 weekends out of 3. I work full time and long hours (had to return to work after divorce ) and this arrangement means I only get to enjoy quality time with the DCs once every 3 weeks. I hate this. But this is divorce. Do you really have to get divorced?