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Legal matters

Help and support for Mums who self-represent

20 replies

SidelinedMum · 02/07/2012 14:22

The informal shared-care arrangement I have with my ex for DD (11) is breaking down, (details in lone parents: here) and I want to try and get some form of formal arrangement in place that prevents my ex from pushing me out of DD's life completely.

The problem is that I have next to no income and so although I am entitled to legal aid, there are no solicitors local to me who will take on legal aid work Sad The best I have got is a fixed fee appointment of 1 hour with the practice who handled the divorce a few years ago.

I've made an appointment with the mediation company we've used several times before, but this time, I won't be happy with an "agreement" because they've all been forgotten and broken as soon as they don't suit him and want some legal back up that sets out what is expected of us both.

There seems to be loads of support for self-representing Dads, but what about Mums? Where can I get the support I need to negotiate the minefield that is the family court system without paying a fortune in solicitors fees?

OP posts:
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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 02/07/2012 16:49

Families need Fathers help mums, too.

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STIDW · 02/07/2012 17:17

One MF on FnF list told me he was a MF because of the rotten deal fathers get from the court so I'm not convinced they are unbiased enough to help mothers.

When you say the voluntary shared-care agreement is breaking down what do you mean exactly? Does he not keep to an agreed schedule or is it more to do with issues such as not consulting about important educational and health issues or both?

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ivykaty44 · 02/07/2012 17:27

TBH I think you have to make firm contacts with the school, the dentist, the gp and let them know that you want to know the outcome of visits.

Take a whole stack of SAE into the school and ask them to send every letter home to your address - as you want direct contact with the school as your dd is with you for two weeks each month and you have missed important dates due to lack of contact, thus the SAE.

Start taking back joint control - without getting your dd involved is the key.

Keep knocking down each wall that he tries to build around your dd - that way you will keep the channels open.

Don't sit back but come forward - get a copy of your dd's birth certificate, it will cost you 9.25 from the register office where her birth was registered or the GRO - a copy from the GRO or register office is as good as an original - so you will not need to ask in the future - order one now and keep handy so you don't need to ask for proof of I.D.

I wish you luck as this is a horrid place to be, I was cut out of my dd's life for 15 months, but it was sightly different story and reasons - so I know it isn't nice Sad

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mumblechum1 · 02/07/2012 21:11

Do you have a Mackenzie friend? They can be invaluable,.

My experience is that courts will bend over backwards for unrepresented parents of either gender, particularly if the other party is represented. You may also find counsel who will do some pro bono work for you. Babybarrister may know the link for those counsel who are on the scheme.

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babybarrister · 02/07/2012 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tsunami · 03/07/2012 07:07

I represented myself after going to the cleaners and back in court. After a while and quite a lot of money I realised that the lawyers my ex was using were fighting very hard and dirty (because he was, and was paying them to), and though mine was very good she couldn't anticipate the kind of lies that would come up and know on the spot whether they were true or not - so I was better placed to answer the issues direct. I don't mean I was better than the lawyer, but it was a lot cheaper and it wasn't any worse for me.
I never instigated the litigation, though: that may make a difference to how you feel as if you lose you'd be liable for his costs.

Standing up in front of a judge against professional barristers can be a little scary for a layperson to begin with, and maybe depends a bit on your confidence (so a little advice or a quick conversation with a friendly lawyer before you go for it would help a lot) but I think if you stay calm, only speak when you're invited to, be straightforward, stick to the truth and genuinely and objectively want the best for your child, the judge should be helpful. If they don't rule in your favour, you can appeal.

It sounds dewy-eyed, but I really believe that if your motives are pure and you've no wish to prolong conflict for its own sake then justice does win in the end.

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Collaborate · 03/07/2012 07:48

You should contact the LSC and ask them for suggestions about how you can access Legal Aid representation given your geography. If there is a dearth of Legal Aid providers in your area speak to you MP. I'm afraid it's a symptom of the legal aid cuts.

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SidelinedMum · 03/07/2012 09:41

tsunami can you explain a bit more about liability for costs? How does that work in family court? Would it include solicitors fees, not just court costs?
Thanks Smile

OP posts:
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olgaga · 03/07/2012 10:13

You might try the free helplines and advice leaflets/information here:

www.gingerbread.org.uk/

and here:

www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/adviceline.php

Also this website has advice leaflets (for a small fee) which are very good. You can also contact them by email for help:

www.maypole.org.uk/information-leaflets.htm

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Collaborate · 03/07/2012 10:39

You'd never be liable for the other person's costs in children proceedings unless you deliberately disobey a court order.

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tsunami · 04/07/2012 23:21

Sidelined - Listen to Collaborate - sounds as if she knows a lot more than I do about the legalities. I'm not a lawyer and have only my experience. I got threatening letters from the other side about having to pay all court costs if I did or didn't do this or that, but I have no idea how real the threats were. I assumed that if they came from a lawyer then they should at least be bona fide, but I don't know that.

All I did in the end (because before that my head was spinning with worry, sleeplessness, what-if scenarios) was try to keep my nose clean, clean, clean, state my case calmly and never fight for the sake of it.

So - Collaborate - if you were asking for more contact you couldn't have to pay costs if you lost?

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Collaborate · 04/07/2012 23:41

That's right.

She?

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STIDW · 05/07/2012 10:23

That's what happens when you post on Mumsnet. Grin

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MOSagain · 05/07/2012 17:26

LOL, never assume anything Wink
Not ALL men lurk on pistonheads all day!

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mumblechum1 · 05/07/2012 18:05

I love Collaborate, she makes lovely cupcakes and always has beautifully manicured nails

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MOSagain · 05/07/2012 18:18

and roasts rather nice lamb Grin

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mumblechum1 · 05/07/2012 18:20

HI MOS, haven't seen you for a while! Smile

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babybarrister · 05/07/2012 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Collaborate · 05/07/2012 22:01

Just at weekends luv!

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MOSagain · 06/07/2012 07:59

Hi Mumbles, have been busy in real life, damm PTA and kids summer fair!
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