Dad violating Cntact Order by third week

[dongela]

Hi,

My daughters dad was granted contact of one hour a week (supervised as he is both a stranger and a drug user) on 19 May with return court date of 22 june.
He cancelled his third visit as he had to work (he does not pay child support), was late for his fourth and didn't turn up for his fifth visit at all. Again he claimed he had to work, and althoygh he had no way of contacting me to let me know, he accepted this work. This visit fell on fathers day.
At court on 22 june, he advised he was cancelling his visit for 23 july - again for work. We have agreed to continue with one hour a week, still supervised till 18th august he is not allowed to say that he is her dad as my opposition to contact along is that he is wholly unreliable and will disappear again.
His visit two days following this agreement he turned up almost 15 minutes late.

Can anyone advise if he continues like this (and he will), can I ask that the order be dismissed? Doesn't seem much point in ordering me to be somewhere when (as I said) he's the one who doesn't turn up.

Thanks!

[Collaborate]

If he can't take up one hour a week a judge is likely to want to try something more manageable. A judge will want to see some commitment.

However every child is entitled to a relationship with both parents, so it's highly unlikely that contact will be stopped altogether.

[dongela]

I had tried to initiate contact myself (he never asked me for contact) on several occassions but as he wouldn't turn up or would arrive hours after the agreed time I eventually gave up.
He is just enjoying 'making' me do it, but again he is the one who has no commitment to it and preferred to leave his daughter waiting on fathers day.
I would say that every child has a right to see a committed parent. Not one who puts her at the end of his 'to do' list.
If they are going to force me to live under a court order that he has no intention of keeping, can I at least ask that the terms are reduced? To once a month for instance?

[Collaborate]

That's the point I made in the first paragraph of my post.

[mysterv]

collaborate: you seem in a similar situation to me! totally feel for u

[fluffygal]

My SS's birthmum has a contact order for 10-4 every other sunday. She hasn't turned up for 2 years now, and even then she only turned up once after 6 months of not showing. It started with excuses, then she didn't even give excuses. We took them to the meeting place for 4 contact visits with her not showing then text her and said she needed to go to court if she wanted to see them again as we were not willing to carry on taking them somewhere and waiting for an hour for her not to show. Never heard anything back. The order is still there though. I am sure you can ask the court to amend the contact order. I know with SS's birthmum she had contact visits at a centre for her younger children (live with another dad) and didn't show so contact was cancelled but not sure what exactly has gone on there.

[dongela]

Thanks for your replies everyone. Yeah, the whole thing is just totally pointless. She is almost 3 now, and he's never once asked to see her. It's all just to get at me. Why do the courts refuse to see that for some men, the court system is just a way of exercising control over their ex?
He made her go for a DNA test before he would pay child support and after a year of countless excuses, he then claime to be unemployed (he's self employed) so he oays nothing.
But has asked me to be 'flexible' with contact day so he can go to work!
He is now living with a woman who has two kiods to two different men and is due a baby (poor child) to him on august 4th. I would expect him to leave her an threaten her with court by the end of August, so hopefully it will be over soon. But the court will give him every opportunity to confuse and neglect my daughter if he chooses to pursue it.
I live in glasgow, but as soon as he loses interest I'm going to move to Perth. It's only an hour away, but that would be enough of an obstacle to prevent him from applying for an order in the future. It has nothing to do with seeing my daughter. Just another cruel little game for him at the taxpayers expense.

[STIDW]

I'm not sure that moving to Perth would help. First of all he could apply to court to prevent the child being moved "furth of the Sheriffdom" and if you did move the court could expect you to do all the traveling.

Evidence from psychologist and psychiatrists is that children who are insecure about their natural parents and identity tend to have low self esteem leading to behavioural and emotional problems in later life. On that basis seeing and knowing a parent, even if the parent's behaviour leaves much to be desired by most peoples standards or if contact is sporadic, is deemed by the courts to be in the best interests of children in all but the most exceptional cases.

Of course the courts are aware that some separated parents use the courts as a weapon against the other parent, it was mentioned in a Scottish Parliament debate. However (as above) the paramount concern is the welfare of the child and if the father can't manage weekly contact the court is likely to order less frequent contact so that some form of relationship can be maintained and it's improbable that no contact will be ordered.

[dongela]

I wouldnt move while there's still ongoing visitation. I'm aware that the courts are trying to do their best by my daughter, but I know this man, and I know that he has no real interest in his daughter and that contact will not be maintained.

I would just like to safeguard her from being put through the court process in the years to come. I have tried everything to ensure that she had a relationship with him, including naming him on the birth certificate, despite only seeing him once during my pregnancy. I also arranged mediation when she was three months old (which i paid for), and he didn't attend.
He is quite simply a bad bad man, and there's nothing I can do to change that. He's just enjoying 'forcing' me to do something that was never denied to him. The fact that he's not actually interested in the contact has been proven in 2 missed visits and 2 late visits in 6 overall.

The court will not have to order no contact as he will simply not be attending. I cannot make him attend.

[avenueone]

I agree with people who say don't move - not yet anyway.
I would also give it more time and then you can take it back to court for a variation order. I know it sucks.
As others have said - it is unlikley that he will be told he can't have any contact. Rightly or wrongly, based on how much evidence I am not sure - the courts say that childern have the right to see both parents and it is better for them - even if this means waiting around or not seeing them when they are expecting to - cancelling other plans and regular outside interests (esp. with older children) and the mental anguish that goes with that.
The resident parent be they male or female who is sometimes the only person contributing financially and working and caring for thier child almost all of the time has to make arangements for that child when they work - must do as the court says.
I personally feel that this one size fits all approach' is unreliable - every case is different and should be treated so. Stabilty is very important for a child and I do not think it sets good examples to children that they can with court orders' come and go as they please and people must do as they say.
BUT that is way the law is currently, partly due to some parents preventing the none resident parent from seeing childern with no good reason - so thank you to them!