PLEASE HELP

[Eumenide]

my ex left when I was pregnant, was a cheat, violent, a liar and went on to have a relationship with a 15/16 yr old (he said nothing sexual happened before she was 16...still morally iffy at 30 though isnt it?)
He does have my number but hasnt bothered in 13 years. Today he text saying he wants a DNA test. He has had no contact with my son. My son is 13 autistic (aspergers) and does not want contact. I have never had maintainance or even emotional support in 13 years. I have serious reservations about him being with my son and the impact on unwanted change on my son emotionally and at school etc Aspergers means he really struggles with change he doesnt choose.
My ex even changed his name to avoid responsibility when I got pregnant! It just seems mad he could invade our lives now!!

1. can he get contact?
   
2. can he make us have DNA testing?
   
3. can he get parental responsibility?
   What can I do to protect my child from having the upheaval and from having contact he does not want??
   Thank you

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

I'm not a lawyer. Theoretically he could go to court to establish parental responsibility, for which he would require a DNA test, and then ask for contact. But in reality I think it is unlikely the sheriff/family court judge would grant anything more than supervised contact, and if he's had nothing to do with your DS in 13 years he's not likely to jump through the hoops.

Have you any idea of why he's got back in touch after such a long silence?

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

PS, your DS is old enough to tell the court (should it get that far) he's not interested in meeting his father, and for his opinion to be considered seriously. So your ex might not even get supervised contact.

Please don't panic. He's run out of current victims (recently broken up, at all?) so he's revisiting past. You don't have to be his victim any more, you are free from him and have been for years. It'll be fine.

[notnanny]

Tell him 'sure, when I get a letter from your solicitor'. Then watch him disappear back into the ether.

[ThatVikRinA22]

i wouldnt even respond.

a text after 13 years? you have obviously changed your number since he last had contact havent you......i would! now!!!!

if he shows his face again, then seek legal advice but i reckon any court would after 13 years and under the circs (your boy having AS...and not wanting contact or change) tell him to swivel.

[STIDW]

Not sure what the DNA is all about unless there is a disagreement about paternity.

Based on research that children are more secure about their identity and less likely to have emotional and behavioural problems later in life courts tend to work along the lines that contact or attempting to establish contact is in the best interests of children. Whatever has happened in the past an absent parent may have changed and it is a child's right to know both parents apart from exceptional circumstances.

However, if contact was to be established the courts starting point would usually be indirect contact - cards, letters, photos then possibly email and phone calls. When the absent parent shows commitment that would graduate to the child meeting the parent and short periods of direct contact. None of that would involve any great change. Once it gets that far it's a case of reassessing where to go from there. A thirteen or 14 year olds opinions are important and would carry considerable weight, although at that age it is still adults who make decisions.

[Eumenide]

Thank you all soo much. I have spoken with the childrens legal service...AMAZING! They give free advice. I am not changing my number as I run my own lil business self employed and it is that number he has. I have text back to ask him to talk with me as grown ups instead of texting and that we can sort things for DS best interests directly with eachother.
I hope this can avoid legal stuff, but the legal advisor I spoke with thought if I didnt respond I could be viewed as obstructive. She did advise that DS views would be strongly considered and that the time span to take things legally would mean he would be nearer 14.
I am so grateful for your support and advice
My exs family are heavy involved in Catholic church and anti abortion movements, running political things and charity type stuff but paid me to get rid etc etc My ex recently married and I suspect it is new wifey has realised my DS existing could cause them scandal. He has ALWAYS been able to contact me just hasnt bothered...apparently courts would view that badly.
I agree people can change and in theory it is better to know a parent.
Waiting now to see if he will communicate as adults directly, obviously court etc would be v expensive to both of us not to mention stressful. Hardly in DS best interests!
Hoping ex runs and hides again, or is communicative and reasonable.
I hope thats not too much to hope for.
Do you have any experience of courts forcing kids of this age to have contact they dont want? In theory they are meant to listen to them???