If we take a custody battle through court what could he get?

[fuckingfuckingbastard]

I am at the end of my rope now with exp, he is so unreasonable and trying to lord it over me constantly to make me feel powerless, he has threatened to come down here, nobody can stop him etc etc. I'm sick of his games, threats and uncooperative horribleness.

Basically, if we go to court, what will he come out with...

He has decided to move 200+ miles away from me and dd - would a court be able to rule that I must allow her overnight visits so far away? (she is just 20months) as I would be really uncomfortable with that, plus such long journey times I feel are not fair on dd.

Can a court insist that his mother has access rights to dd? She also lives far away and is not really interested in dd, never plays with her, interacts with her when she has visited. She didn't see dd for first six months of her life as she had fallen out with exp. has probably seen dd about five/six times in total.

He has a police record for being aggressive as well as medical history showing he has been treated for anger management.

I've tried to include everything I can think of so not to drip feed, would be grateful for any ideas of how this would play out (particularly the long distance thing) so that I can prepare myself mentally :(


Thanks in advance

[Olympia2012]

From what I have seen of the family courts.... Spent 2 years going through them, and read up - lot on the way, he will get what he wants!!

What is he likely to want?

And bear in mind that by the time it actually gets in front of a judge, mediation first, your dd is likely to be nearer two and a half, so past baby stage.

[Collaborate]

Hard to say really. 200 miles is a long way, and the dynamics of contact are very different compared to if he lives locally.

I'd expect that he would be expected to build up gradually to weekends away, with him visiting day time only to build up a rapport.

What kind of contact is he having at the moment?

[fuckingfuckingbastard]

He has seen her once since we split up for just a few hours. The day after we split up he took her out in his car and said he wasn't coming back - I had to call the police.

He will probably ask for every other weekend which I don't mind but I do mind her being so far away...

While everything is getting sorted out, what can he insist on, contact wise? I don't really want him to take her out on his own after the "kidnapping" stunt.

[Collaborate]

There's no book in which it is written what he can "insist on", as you put it. I stand by my earlier post.

[Olympia2012]

What does he say about the travelling? Is he willing to do it all? Both ways every time?

The kidnapping thing is a worry! I would make sure that's taken seriously. He is from uk?

[fuckingfuckingbastard]

Yeah, he from UK, there are no cultural differences etc other than he is a fucking psycho. (although obviously not all the time, just when he 'loses it') another reason why I am worried about him on his own with dd, I hate the thought of him shouting at her :(

He would have to do the travelling as I am not driving 8 hours just because he decided to move down there to be with his new girlfriend.

[xkcdfangirl]

Try to resolve this through mediation if possible.

If it gets to court, the arrangement is likely to favour whichever of you can afford the best lawyer - is he significantly wealthier than you?

In mediation, make sure you are being completely reasonable yourself, and that you are clearly acting in the best interests of your DD not refusing any reasonable suggestion out of ill-will towards your ex. Make sure you keep full written records of mediation discussions as if you get to court you will need this as evidence.

I agree it is not reasonable for such a young child to do such a long journey for a relatively short visit, but a court could nevertheless agree to it if your ex insists it is the only workable option, so you need to find and suggest other reasonable options that you would be happy with. My suggestion would be that if he wants overnight custody he should get B&B rooms nearby to you until she's older. Once she's 6/7/8ish, if she has maintained a positive relationship with him, she may feel happy to go and stay with him that kind of distance away, but it's not worth all that travel just for the weekend - remember that kids find journeys a lot more long and boring than we perceive them as adults, even a 1 hour journey seems to take forever when you are 4.

Once she is at school, you may consider it an absolute godsend to be able to send her off to her dad's for half term hols so you don't have to worry about taking annual leave whenever the schools are off. However, you can't get to that point easily without building up to it with shorter, less long-distance visits.

Unless he is violent, it will be a positive thing for her to maintain a good relationship with her dad, so do try to find an acceptable solution.

[Collaborate]

I disagree that the father gets to say what the only workable option is. IME the court will expect him to do the travelling for day time contact initially. He's had so little contact that he needs to build up the relationship first before he can think about staying contact again. If he puts his foot down and says he's not going to do that, the judge is more likely to give him no contact rather than give him what he wants.

[MOSagain]

If it gets to court, the arrangement is likely to favour whichever of you can afford the best lawyer - is he significantly wealthier than you?

Seriously? And what is that statement based on? The arrangement, in my opinion, is likely to, or should, favour the child whose interests are the paramount concern of the court. It makes absolutely no difference which parent can throw the most money at lawyers!

Aside from this, I agree with what Collaborate has said

[3xcookedchips]

Make sure you keep full written records of mediation discussions as if you get to court you will need this as evidence.

Evidence you attended mediation, maybe as for the discussions themselves - aren't they Without prejudice and therefore cannot be used as evidence?

[3xcookedchips]

You mean one side will use anything said in mediation to their advantage - shocking!!

What kind of world do we live in when we cant expect to have a full and frank expression of our views without the fear it will be used against us...

[Sneezecakesmama]

Grandparents used to have no rights whatsoever to see grandchildren.

There was a proposed bill going through parliament to alter this, but the last thing I heard was it had failed, hence no rights I think?

Anyone here clarify this?

[fuckingfuckingbastard]

Thanks for all the advice, forewarned is forearmed and all that.....

[ZillionChocolate]

Grandparents can make an application to the Court for contact, but they need leave (permission) to do so. If they get on with their child, grandparents will usually have contact at the same time and informally arranged.