ex wanting his name off mortgage

[Happylander]

Ex partner (not married) walked out on me and 2 year old DS 6 months ago for OW. We have a joint mortgage and he pays nothing towards it now and hasn't for 3 months and we had only had 1.5 years when he left. I only asked him to pay for 3 months or until I got a lodger (which I have and she is lovely so all good there). Anyway he keeps going on about getting his name removed from the mortgage despite me telling him that can't happen yet as I don't earn enough for the mortgage company to give me a mortgage in my own name. The mortgage company have told him they won't release him and so has my solicitor.

Last night I received an email from him saying I have until 31 August to sort my finances out to be able to afford the mortgage on my own or get someone to share the mortgage with me. The only way his name can come off is if we sell which will making myself, DS and dog intentionality homeless and therefore get the joy of being housed in shared accommodation or B and B. He knows all this as I have told him many many times as so shocked he would want this for our DS. This used to be my Grandma's bungalow so has sentimental value to me and it is lovely. There is no equity in it and we owe my mum £47,000 as she paid deposit and also lent us money for house renovations so he would not be getting any money from sale and he would also have to pay back my mum his half of the loans.

I expect it will end up going to court as I have a strong feeling his OW is behind him being so forceful about getting his name off. How much is this going to cost me to try and stop him forcing me to sell it? Can he do this? I am due to get some compensation at some point as I had an extremely traumatic birth and the Dr has been found negligent and struck off but I don't know when that is going to come through and hopefully I will be able to lower the mortgage enough to get it in my sole name. He just won't wait though.

[happyhappymummy]

Hey I have a post on here as your story is similar to mine.
He could sign the deeds over to you but remain on the mortgage until you are in a better financial position and the mortgage provider will release him.

[happyhappymummy]

Actually dont listen to me Im rubbish! This makes no odds to him I guess, our situations are different.
Im sure you will get some helpful advice soon as I got some good advice on here!

[Happylander]

I have a lawyer and she has mentioned section 1 to him but he is not listening and the email he wrote to me was clearly not written by him.

He has already said he would sign deeds over and he technically only has 18% of the property anyway. I think he wants to buy a property with OW. I find it amazing that men can so easily walk away from their responsibilities and not care for their families.

[RandomMess]

If he paid his 18% could you afford to take over the rest? Would your Mum act as guarantor for you to have a solo mortgage?

[Happylander]

I pay it all, he doesn't pay any of it and I don't want him too and if I had my way he would be off the mortgage. I can afford to pay it on my own now I have a lodger. He just wants his name off which the mortgage company won't allow. My mum can't act as a guarantor as she is a pensioner.

[happyhappymummy]

I find this hard to believe too Happy. He shocks me every day.
Good luck to you I know how stressful this can be.

[Happylander]

well I hope yours gets better. I stupidly read the email from him on my break last night and just burst into tears. He is so different from the person I met and OW is so welcome to him.

[RedHelenB]

Looking at it from his POV - he wants to get a mortgage with OW perhaps but can't because he is stuck on one in a house he doesn't live in. What mortgage could you get? I think the idea of asking your Mum to be guarantor if she has sufficient funds is a good one if it will enable you to stay in your house.

[Happylander]

Yes but look at it from my point of view I can not get a mortgage on my own. He took out a joint mortgage with me and just because he then decides to up sticks and want to buy a house with his OW 6 months after leaving us should not mean me and my DS end up homeless. I had to rent before I met him and when we first met we rented as neither of us were in a position to buy. He is not in a position to buy right now so he will have to wait again. If I have to give up this mortgage I will never get another one. So why is it alright for me to end up homeless and never be in a position to buy again just because he ran off with another woman??? Why should it be me and our DS that is 'punished' for his immoral actions.

People have responsibilities and there are also consequences to your actions and his responsibility is to try and maintain a roof over his sons head and the consequences of running out on me and his child means he will have to wait until I can afford to take his name off. The same as I have to wait to take him off. I don't want him on it any longer but that is tough shit.

As I said my mum can't act as a guarantor as she is a pensioner and the mortgage company like many others now don't take guarantors anyway.

[MOSagain]

Yes, he does have a responsibility towards your son. Is he not paying maintenance? If not, you need to make an application
Playing devils advocate, why should he have to wait to buy? You were not married so unfortunately don't have the same protection that a wife would have.
As babybarrister has said, there may be a possibility of a schedule 1 application.

[OnTheBottomWithWomansWeekly]

I'm not in the UK so don't know if this is feasible, but ask your solicitor and lender if it's possible to put something in the separation agreement about guaranteed maintenance until your DS is of age?

If he agrees to this your lender might be happy that you now have enough guaranteed income to put the mortgage in your name only.

It's probably v unlikely that hewill agree as it will count against the size of new mortgage he will get - but at least you can put the ball in his court (and perhaps get him off your back).

Just make sure that the guaranteed maintenance amt is equal to or more than the usual CSA amount, and if he does agree to it, get your solicitor to word it so that if his income goes up the maintenance amount is reviewed upwards.

[OnTheBottomWithWomansWeekly]

Sorry didn't realise you weren't married, so don't know if any of what I posted will be useful.

But it seems the 31st Aug deadline is of his making - not an official date. Talk to your solicitor and find out what - if anything - he can and cannot

Have you talked to the bank yourself? They must deal with this situation all the time. Ask them for suggestions e.g. if you can provide them with proof that you have paid the mortgage yourself for a certain period of time, that might help. If you can save something regularly over that period of time as well, even better. (as the saying goes, the banks only lend to those people who don't need money!)

[OnTheBottomWithWomansWeekly]

...he can and cannot do.

[lisaro]

Why can't you sell and rent? There's no reason you should end up in a B&B. I can see you're upset but it seems as though you also want to punish him. He has the right to move on and buy a house, also financial separation would be a good thing for both of you.

[RedHelenB]

Unfortunately blame & morals don't come into it!!! I hope you can get to stay there but if he pushes to sell I think you will struggle to avoid this as your house is bigger than your needs.

[RipVanWinkle]

Hi, sorry I know this is in Legal & I can't offer professional advice - I'm looking as I'm going through Divorce & House/finance wrangles too.
I just wanted to say I agree that it's unfair, you & your young child have been the 'victim' of his immoral behaviour, so logically & morally YES, he should be 'punished'.
In a divorce someone who has 'behaved unreasonably' can be treated punitively by the division of assets and possibly even cost for both sides, so I don't see why that doesn't translate to your situation.
Anyway I know the Law is the Law & I'm not disputing the professional advice - I just wanted you to know I think it stinks too.
Hope you manage to sort out a good solution for you & your DS.

[Happylander]

How on earth is my house bigger than my needs??? My mortgage is for 156,000 and I live in Sussex where most houses cost £250,000!!

I am not punishing him by wanting to stay in my home that used to be my Nan's. This is our home and I don't want to sell and rent. Rent around here is more than my mortgage each month unless I want to live in a total shithole and trust me I looked when he first moved out.

He is paying CSA and he DOES NOT pay anything at all towards the mortgage.

[MOSagain]

In a divorce someone who has 'behaved unreasonably' can be treated punitively by the division of assets and possibly even cost for both sides, so I don't see why that doesn't translate to your situation - very rare, it would need to be a lot more than just the 'unreasonable behaviour' that you would put in a petition.

[GlaikitFizzog]

my friend was able to include the rent she received from her lodger as income towards her mortgage. I think you really Ned to get independent financial advice alongside legal advice as if you can afford the repayments with the lodger then you may be surprised.

[RipVanWinkle]

I have been to see a number of Solicitors over the last few weeks & without telling them the grizzly details of what has gone on, but kept it to just the irresponsible, stupid behaviour my STBX has exhibited, I have been told a few times the % & costs issue are relevant. Just saying....
Also aware I am not speaking from experience of it having happened - only what has been told to me by solicitors.

[PatsysDouble]

Just a thought..............(I obviously have no idea of your income!)

Are you claiming tax credits? Have you included these in your calculations?
Also the income from your lodger? And he should be paying you child maintenance which can also be included.

As an aside - for tax purposes are you renting under the 'rent-a-room' scheme?

I recently checked out different potential mortgage offers and the Halifax appear to take additional income into account on their on-line calculator.
Face-to-face discussions with HSBC indicated the same.
I've not needed to actually get an offer yet though, so this is only provisional information.

Good luck!

[Collaborate]

Agree with MOSagain. Conduct is very rarely relevant IN DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS - it has to be almost off the scale terrible conduct, or one that has serious financial implications.

It has absolutely NO bearing in a property dispute involving unmarried couples.

Litigation misconduct can give rise to an order for costs.

RipVanWinkle - that's what you get for trawling all the solicitors in town and conning them in to giving you a free half hour - a wholly wrong perspective of your case, as you desperately try and piece together the disparate pieces of advice you've received.

[RipVanWinkle]

oK obviously a lesson in how to alienate lawyers... having been advised (as you will see on numerous threads) to take advantage of an initial consultation available from a variety of solicitors to find one that you feel you 'connect with' I did as advised and have fed back what I have been told.

"Trawling all the Solicitors in town" = my version, seeing 3 out of the 1,000's in London 2 of whom have referred to this point of % & costs, (not by my mentioning it) just show the difference in advice & perspective you get from different Solicitors - again on other threads you will see how people have been advised variously.

I think it's a shame that we have one statute of law in this country and yet we have to 'choose a lawyer who we think will do us a good job' ! That's what makes it a nightmare - you don't expect to choose a Doctor & hope he's going to give you the right advice on your diagnosis - you expect a consistent reaction to a standard. Surely?
Oh & I've "conned Lawyers into giving me free advice"?
A) Are Lawyers so naive that someone inexperienced & vulnerable (going through divorce for the first time ever) could "Con" them in the free half hour THEY OFFER by telling them the same info?
B) So that they are impelled to give me inappropriate advice! What's going on there?
It appears more that my "desperation" has been taken advantage of by Solicitors offering varying advice - not very reassuring :(

I did also point out in my message that I was concerned that what was applicable in DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS didn't follow through in Unmarried Couples situations.

[RedHelenB]

If you have a lodger then presumably it is 3 bedroom whereas you & your child would only need 2 - that's what I meant by bigger than your needs. ( I fully understand why you want to stay there but looking at it from a neutral angle) For mortgage purposes, tax credits, child benefit, maintenance etc all count towards a mortgage so it is worth looking at getting it transferred into your name.
When you say there's no equity in the house do you mean after the 47,000 has been taken off?