Advice Dealing With Family Courts & Cafcass Please

[jo123321]

hi,

I will try and keep my very long story as short as i can but any help and advicewould be very grately appreciated.

My son was concieved through artificial insemination from a sperm donor who wanted to remain annonymous as thats what me and my partner wanted also.

Then when my son was born i recieved a very nasty shock as the donors mother came to my home demanding to see her grandson etc.
Then came solicitors letters stating the spermdonor was requesting access.

My son who is now 17months old had to meet the donor a few weeks ago for the first time as Cafcass are now envolved and they required 2 supervised contact sessions.
The first contact session the donor took a while to interact with my son who is such a happy little boy he was busy playing.
The next contact session however didnt go well as the donor did not interact with my son for over 35mins of the hour session, he also could not change his nappy and my son became so distressed i was called back in to the room.

Cafcass then filled a report to the courts wich was so contradicting on one page stating the donor perhaps was not aware of the emotional physical energy that a toddler demands and had concerns as the donor has not been around children the donor himself is only 20. however cafcass requested the donor be granted parentalresponsability and access of 1 hour a week contact which wouldtake place at his mothers house where he lives.

My son has never met his mother never been to her house and i was absolutely shocked that they could grant this as this would definately not be in my sons best interest he would be terrified!!!
My solicitor argued this and despite our best attempts parental responability was granted however teh contact sessions are now taking place at my home for 1 hour every week. Even though i do not want this i want whats best for my son which is why i wanted him to be in the comfort of his own home sorrounded by his favourite toys and familiar sourroundings

But now the donor and his mum are pushing it for his mother to have envolvement so cafcass are doing a report on her then after 8 weeks (8 contact sessions of 1 hour) the court will decided on what happens next! which i think they will grant the donor contact at his house.

It is my belief that the donor is not ready for all the responsability of raising a child its his mother who wants contact but i do not want this woman any where near my son but its as if i do not have a say in anything

its my son but it seems the "father" has more rights than me its crazy

They are complete strangers to me let alone my son, we were not in a relationship i am a gay woman who wanted to bring my son up with my partner but they do not care.

The donor states he would like full envolvement & shared access but cafacsss in their report shared concerns on this as they feel he could not meet his needs as he need parenting classes as was suggested! also he wants overnight stays but he shares a room with his younger brother
would he still be granted this??

i am complying fully with the courts
i am giving him the opportunity to build up a relationship with my son but it seems as though all he wants to do is the play time,
i have offered for him to stay longer to feed him etc but he has declined
i am keeping a detailed log of everything that happens

I never imagined bringing my son in to this world where he would be dragged from pillar to post i do not want him affected by changes in his routine but it seems like no one cares its all about what the donor and his mother wants.


So any advice would be great
thanks in advance

[RedHelenB]

It's not all about what YOU want, the child has a right to know his father & his fathers's side of the family. His father will very quickly learn to change a nappy - it really isn't difficult!!! Bottom line, the father will have overnight stays eventually unless he is considered a risk to the child (which by the sound of things he isn't)

[Collaborate]

You're not going to get much in the way of helpful advice here. Your solicitor has read all of the court paperwork and is best placed to advise you. Relatively we are all in the dark.

I'm interested in you saying that the father has more rights than you. Doesn't seem that way to me. Far from it.

[CharlieUniformNovemberTango]

Just out of interest, did you have a contract between the donor and yourselves?

Has your partner adopted your DS prior to this?


I think whatever way you look at it, the father should be allowed to see his son regardless of what he priviously said. I think you will just need to accept that and try to work out what is best for your son.

[TheSockPuppet]

I've no legal advice to give you, but just wanted to say that must have been such a horrible shock to you both to get that letter through the door and I'm sorry to hear what you and your partner are going through right now - I hope everything works out ok for you all.

[howmuchlonger]

I am utterly shocked! Does this mean women who donate eggs can suddenly claim contact with 'their' children! Op I feel for you and your partner. It is good that your son will know who his 'father' is but as for butting into your lives that is unreasonable. He clearly didnt donate sperm for the right reasons! Stay strong x