Will - If I die where do my kids go?

[mjawch]

My husband left me last month, and after events of our marriage I wouldn't like the kids to live with him if I died.
If I put in my will for the DC's to live with my mum n dad can he then fight for them to live with him?
Thanks in advance xx

[Chubfuddler]

If he has pr I would imagine they would go to him automatically, if he wanted them to live with him.

[LilacWaltz]

They would go to him! Does he have PR? Even without, if hd wanted to, he could fight and likely win

Why dont you want them with him? Is he seeking any access tight now? What would your argument in a court be?

[mjawch]

He abused me infront of them, shouting and hitting. raped me, not infront of them.
he wouldn't do anything for them, including feed them, change nappies etc. he has no home. He is living with family so 3 kids would be in one room. (girl n boys) His family smoke all over the kids aswell as holding them and feed them pot noodle for lunch and dinner!
My mum and dad have the bedrooms are good parents and would give them a brilliant upbringing. whereas with him, hell knows how they would turn out.
I have refused access for 4 weeks. Last week I asked him if he would like to meet me to see them in a public place. He said as long as he is alive he wont be civil. and his family told me all he does is drink in his spare time and his priorties are all wrong.
x

[mjawch]

( i have a solictors appt next week, i am going to try and fight for no or supervised access)

[LilacWaltz]

Right now, he's not sounding the best dad. ( I have read your other threads and can see it's not as black and White as you have just stated)
But... He may change, grow up and become a better person. Ultimately, a judge would decide where the dc should go if he isn't in their lives. But the smoking/ pot noodle issue wouldn't be a big thing in court.

[LilacWaltz]

Have you ever reported any attack/rape/dv incident?

[mjawch]

no I didnt. I told my counseller. But she went on the sick and didnt come back after that session.
His best mate knows, as he told him... well he told him his version on events.(about 6 weeks ago, just before he left me) And his mate believes he told him cause he knew I would bring it up in court.
I may have some text messages i sent at the time that mention it...

[LilacWaltz]

If it goes to court you are going to need some proof, but sadly, as his behaviour wasn't aimed at the kids, you do know this won't affect his chances of gaining access don't you? Everything seems to be sued at you....... So, the kids will still be able to have a relationship with him. You really can't prevent that

You can use supervised..... By whom? But usually these are temp arrangements designed to lead in quickly to unsupervised.

You can have third party handovers so you dont have to see him

[LilacWaltz]

Sued? I meant 'aimed'

[mjawch]

how about his neglect of the kids in his care? He would refuse to look after them, change nappies, bath them. My daughter told her grandad once she she didnt want to go home as daddy shook her. He would smack them.
At christmas he kicked off after drinking lots. I told him I would rather be dead than with him. So he grabbed the pill basket through it at me and then grabbed our eldest and told her "look mummy is going to kill herself". Eldest was screaming and thought what he was saying was true. He left to go to his families and I went and consoled DC.
He would scream at my DC2 cause he thought it the only way he would sleep, if he cried himself to sleep. DC2 would never talk and was very bhind. In the 4 weeks he hasnt seen him he has changed so much. talking in sentences and has learnt his alphabet and can count to 15. The change is remarkable. I was spying on ex on facebook. DC2 saw a picture of him and starts crying saying no no no go away.
Surely thats not the behaviour of a child that needs his father?
Obviously I want him out of my life asap and forever. But I TRUELLY believe he is no good to the kids. xx

[Chubfuddler]

I don't think anyone is saying what should happen, we are trying to tell you what the default position would be legally if you dropped dead tomorrow, which is er what you asked us.

You need a court order if you want to change that default position.

[LilacWaltz]

Well you will probably get a cafcass worker who you can explain all this too and they will speak to both patents separately( and get his side of the story) and then a report and reccomebdation made to the court.
You can't go on ' he would do this or that' as these problems are occurring with you present, it's all him reacting against you. If'you are taken out of the equation and he has the kids alone without you there, it's going to be less fractious.

[MOSagain]

A short answer to your question, yes, if you were to die now, they would automatically go to him.

[mjawch]

thanks