My will versus NRP's (with PR) wishes

[IWillNotDanceIWillNotPrance]

Namechanged as I bet EX's solicitor is on here.

I am gearing up (mainly financially) to write a will outlining what I would like to happen with DD in case of my early death. However, would my wishes have any kind of bearing if my DD's father had other plans for her? He already stated he would not be able to take care of her full time due to his age (he's much older than me but still ) and first time I brought the subject up, he concluded that it would be best for our DD to be given up for adoption .

Weeeell, I don't fucking think so. I have a very close couple of friends who kindly agreed to be my DD's legal guardians and it's paramount to me that they would take care of her. My family is too old/ we have too different view points so DD wouldn't go to them but I would like her to stay in contact with them and know about me, etc. and I know my friends would facilitate that.

EX's first reaction was to say that if they go through the adoption screening (whatever that means as there would no plans for them to adopt her) than that's fine. I may add that they are a gay couple so I'm guessing that's why he was reluctant. Then after I expressed my, erm, disappointment, he grandly said he would try to stick to the will as much as possible and follow my wishes. The thing is he has changed his mind so often about things (not all changes bad TBF) over the last 21 months, I can't be sure he'd do that.

So is there any point in me having a will re DD if he outlives me?

[OldLadyKnowsSantaClaus]

I am not a lawyer, but I cannot see that your wishes in your will supercede the wishes of a living father. It may be that if he feels he can't cope he would allow your friends to finish raising her, but you cannot compel him to co-operate.

[Collaborate]

If you die with the father still living the guardianship appointment does not take effect (but will when the father dies) to confer PR on the guardians. This does not mean though that the guardians cannot apply to the court for a residence order in the event of your death.

[mumblechum1]

Does your ex have Parental Responsibility?

You can express a wish that the children don't go to their dad, and also file a letter with the will explaining your reasons, but that wouldn't take away from the fact that the Court's jurisdiction to make a decision about residence is not limited by a Guardianship appointment. So if your ex isn't happy about the children going to the Guardians, he'd have to make an application for a residence order and the court would decide what's best for your dd.

[IWillNotDanceIWillNotPrance]

Yes, he has parental responsibility. I'd be very happy if she went to him, should anything happen to me (he's not a complete prat, just as far as I'm concerned it seems) but it was him who said it would not be possible. I just want to express my wish I don't want her adopted. FFS, what an idea?! Completely no regards for my family who she is a part of. Dick head. Sorry, ranting now.

That's why I was thinking about the will but then dawned on me it might have no bearing legally if he's still alive, which you all now confirmed. I think I will write to his solicitor (preparing a letter about something else) stating my wishes so at least it's logged somewhere.