I'm currently getting a divorce after husband walked out 10 months ago. We have a two/almost three year old dd.
On my first visit to my solicitor I asked about custody and she said 'we don't really talk about custody anymore it's about shared parental responsibility'. I thought that, in that case we would have to share custody even though we weren't sharing all responsibility.
I've really worked hard to maintain good relations with my ex (hard as he dealt with guilt by hideous defensiveness - it was often remarked by others that you'd have thought I'd left him). And I've tried to find a solution for both of us. I'm really not the bitter ex wife - I've even met the girlfriend for a chat to try and make things easier all round for our dd.
He is trying hard now as well but has reneged on his promise to live in the same town - and is moving 10 miles away with his girlfriend. At the moment he picks up dd from my house for the CM three days a week and I pick her up - this was easy when he lived up the road - obviously it'll be trickier when he moves and he's trying to change his working hours - if he does he'll pick her up twice a week and I'll do the rest. I look after her the two other days (I work part time). We alternate weekends.
He tries hard as a dad and has learnt a lot in the last 10 months. But when we've talked about shared parental responsibility (because I thought this was my only option) he's become angry at the idea of us having to consult each other on important things: "What's the point in divorcing then?". He is a very difficult character and I worry that we'll be in mediation all the time. He also presumes I'll do most of the childcare as 'that's what mum's do' and has accused me of not wanting to be with my child when I've wanted him to do more in the past.
He also has a very young girlfriend (26) who wants children. I just think me having custody as the residential parent who will stay close to our dd makes sense. I'd never deny him his rights and I can't see it would make much sense to him practicality.
Sorry I've not explained myself very well. I wish I'd never mentioned shared parental rights to him - if I now mention anything else he'll go nuts (he's a 'throw toys out the pram then calm down' type of person')
I just feel sick about this.
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Custody advice needed - think I've been badly advised
17 replies
makedoandmend · 17/10/2011 08:18
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