Legal Guardianship of DS in will

[cinnamonswirls]

My ds is 10 and I really need to make a will. My fathers sudden death last year, being involved in a nasty car accident which was nearly fatal but thankfully I made the right split second decision and my mother being very unwell - fairly advanced COPD have made me realise life is a bit short.

I've never known who to leave my ds's guardianship to though. my dp's were old and my dm although adores him might not be the best person for him to live a happy life if I were to snuff it. My db has just separated from my sil and he is quite a serious and reserved person and not exactly child friendly right now (though he might be if he meets a nice happy person)

I split up with ds's father during my pregnancy and returned from nz. his dad has been involved and they are in touch even though they don't see each other often as dad is in nz. DS dad has met a nice woman and has a 9mth old baby and ds is with them now as they are visiting. I think strongly that in the event of my death the best person for my ds to be with is his dad and his family so that he will be able to grieve and then live a normal life and not be in a situation where his beloved gm will probably not see his 16th birthday and his whole young life will be spent in grief.

The only problem is ds dad was a complete tosser when ds was a baby and when I asked him if he wanted to be put on the birth certificate he said "will it cost me anything" I was revolted and refused to discuss it further (I have never asked for maintenance and never expected or wanted to) So ds doesn't have any legal relationship to his dad and doesn't have a NZ passport.

Can I leave the care of my ds to someone who he has no legal relationship with? I know I need to consult a solicitor but thought I'd try here first to give myself an idea of what I'm asking

[prh47bridge]

You can appoint anyone you want as guardian.

[BikeRunSki]

Anyone you want, but best talk to them first. We also thought it unfair to expect GPs to do it - potentially giving a teenager to an 80 year old. We have allocated - My brother and his wife; a very good friend; DH's brother.

Also, think about who would raise him most like you would. We had other ideas, but having spent a few days with the couple in question and their kids, decided that we did not like their parenting style.

FWIW, a friend of my mother's has raised her nieces since their parenst died in a road accident when they wer 6 and 8 and had a very positive relationship with them.

[mumblechum1]

You can certainly appoint your ds's dad as a Guardian, or indeed anyone else. His dad would seem to be the obvious choice.

I'm a lawyer and freelance will writer and would suggest that, after the clause appointing the Guardian(s) (you could also put a default person in), that you then go on to say that the executors have authority to release monies to the guardians for your child's maintenance, at the executors' discretion.

I normally put that clause in automatically, but not all lawyers do.

[mumblechum1]

btw OP, if you're interested, I have an advert on the Small Business section of Classified on Mumsnet ("Will Writer recommended by Mumsnetters").

[cinnamonswirls]

Thank you very much for all your responses

It is a tricky one although my family would be devastated to lose his company he is very close to dad despite the distance. Dad is over now to spend time with him and his new partner is obviously a caring,kind and maternal person (poor woman). Ds and his dad are becoming increasingly close as with the years and as my death would be incredibly traumatic for ds he might be better having a new life with dad and family in nz - in the very unlikely event. I haven't asked dad and his dp yet as wanted to meet her but have no doubts that dad would want/expect it. Dad wouldn't need maintenance even though doesn't pay it now (I was very cross when ds was baby and refused all support) he invests it for ds future as he ain't poor.

Thank you for the offer mumblechum1 - I will have to see family solicitor first as it is not just my property but there are various trusts that the solicitor knows more about than I and because of the various amounts involved would like the family solicitor and friend of my dad to be one of the executors. Its just the family solicitor would prob prefer to keep guardianship in uk..... sigh... I will look you up if think advice not objective

It is more the question of nationality - could ds go to live in nz when he has no legal tie to his dad and no nz passport? Would his dad have to adopt him?

Hmm if I just put the whole thing off for another 10 years it will all become a bit irrelevant......

[cinnamonswirls]

Though life is very unpredictable.....