I'm currently going through the early stages of divorce and I asked h to think about when he will have the dc. I asked him to make a suggestion as at the moment anything I suggest to do with the divorce arrangements is instantly dismissed as selfish.
h texted me earlier to say that he believes he could have the children on a Saturday night and 2 weekday nights (not Friday). Sounds like he loves his dc and wants to spend lots of time with them doesn't it but the devil is in the detail.
h commutes and doesn't get home from work until about 7 or 7.30, sometimes much later, consequently I am the one that leaves work at a set time each day to collect the dc, ferry them round to whatever activity thay may have that evening, feed them, do music practice, homework, bathtime and most nights bedtime too.
I texted back asking if he was planning on taking a job nearer to home or leaving work seriously early on the weekday nights that he would have the dc, not to mention the late starts after dropping them off at school in the morning.
Oh no, not at all, he is expecting that he either picks them up from me at whatever time he is home "you could have them ready in their p.j.s if it's getting late" or that I could collect them from school, ferry them to whatever activity they may have that evening then take them to his place, feed them, do their homework, music practice, bath them and await his arrival before I go back to my own home.
I'm also expected to pick them up from his the next morning at a suitable time for him to get off to work and I'm to bring whatever items of kit/instruments are needed for school that day, packed lunch etc (I'm their mother, that's my job apparently, he hasn't even factored in making sure they have a clean uniform for the next day) and then take them to school.
Seriously, these are his thoughts on the matter !
It appears I'll be like a sort of live out nanny just so that he can see them fleetingly during the week and be able to say he has them overnight.
From my "selfish" point of view, it seems a fairly disruptive way of running mine and the dc's lives just for h's benefit.
Is he possibly suggesting this to minimise child support or is there another motive as I really don't see what he will be putting into it in terms of being responsible for them during the weekday evening time he has them ?
Oh and, if he has to live elsewhere in the country for work reasons he expects me to take the dc to visit him most weekends (so basically I'd spend x hours taking them and x hours fetching them back plus being responsible for making sure they have everything they need for the weekend packed and ready to go on the Saturday morning)
Why did I think the divorce might free me, it seems I'll be even more downtrodden than he's tried to make me to date.
If we go to court will a judge exercise a voice of reason to knock back his pathetic self-centred suggestions.
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shared residency wtf?
4 replies
ineedagoodsolicitor · 23/03/2011 15:44
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