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Legal matters

Parental responsibility - confused!!!

18 replies

primrose22 · 04/03/2011 21:32

I've asked both on here, and in rl and I'm still so confused!
I shall try to be brief......
I live with my dp and 2 dc's who are not his. Their Dad is
still around but lives 100's of miles away, he see's them on a regular but not frequent basis and although we have a fairly amicable relationship, his financial support is patchy (to put it mildly!)
All 3 of us are in agreement that my dp should have pr but so far I haven't been given a clear answer to how or if this is possible? Can anyone help?! Thank you Smile

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STIDW · 04/03/2011 23:44

If the father is in agreement you can make a Parental Responsibility Agreement. The form with notes is available here;

www.hmcourts-service.gov.uk/courtfinder/forms/c(pra2)_b.pdf

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primrose22 · 05/03/2011 08:48

Thanks you for that I shall have a look. I've been told that my dp and I need to be married, I presume that the above link will explain this? We don't plan to marry, so I'm concerned that this will prevent him from gaining pr.

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Resolution · 05/03/2011 10:27

You do have to be married to him. I think the idea is that if you and he won't make the legal commitment to each other, then he's not going to be granted legal rights over your son.

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primrose22 · 05/03/2011 12:19

Oh that makes me cross. My dp works a 60 hour week to provide for us all, puts my dc before everything and is doing a fab job as a step parent. Feel v.sad now Sad

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Resolution · 05/03/2011 13:53

Just my personal view - if you don't want him to make the commitment in law to you, why on earth would you want him to do so re your son????

Or - if he won't make the commitment to you, why would he do so for your son?

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primrose22 · 05/03/2011 14:00

Blimey. Sweeping judgements going on there resolution, I only came here for some informed advice Confused
We may marry one day but for now we are very happy as we are. Both of us don't view marriage as important and incidentally when did I mention that my dp doesn't want to marry me?! Also I never mentioned that I had a son?!
I just think its very unfair that such a solid, commitment family such us ours, isn't allowed to gain pr for such a brilliant step parent. Especially as my dc's father is very much in agreement that it should go ahead.

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Resolution · 05/03/2011 14:42

It doesn't stop you including him in the decision making process. You just want to make that all legal and official.

The law says that he con't do that with your children unless he does that with you first. If you don't view the legal commitment of marriage as important, why do you see the commitment of parental responsibility as something important?

I haven't assumed one way or the other whether it's you or him who doesn't want to get married - just that it must be at least one of you. And it is my personal opinion. Don't mind if you disagree, but you'll have to campaign for a change in the law.

You could always apply for a shared residence order - perhaps one involving the natural father as well assuming he exercises overnight contact. That way your partner would acquire parental responsibility.

However if he were to acquire PR and you're not married, he would preserve PR (unless the court removes it from him) even if you separate, and you would have no claims against him in relation to your children for either maintenance or capital provision, yet he would still be able to, for example, prevent them from going abroad, and obtain medical information and education records. If you are married, he may still have some financial responsibility towards your children.

PR isn't about money per se, but part of responsibility includes the duty to house and provide for. The court/state can only enforce that if you've been married, so presumably the legislature didn't want to allow those who weren't prepared to make the direct commitment of marriage (and therefore the indirect commitment of financial responsibility towards the children) to assume all other responsibilities towards the child. The thing is, as I'm sure you'll agree, to be a parent you'd put your child's financial needs above your own. If you have no financial responsibility to start of with.....

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melvinscomment · 05/03/2011 15:29

@ primrose22 :- Perhaps this would work, without you and your partner getting married! Perhaps the children's father could consent to the children being adopted by you and your partner. There could be an agreement that the natural father remains in contact with the children. That way the natural father would lose all parental rights and your partner would acquire them. You could ask the Adoption Service at your Local Authority if that would be possible.

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melvinscomment · 05/03/2011 15:42

PS It may also be possible for an absent parent to consent to the adoption of children by a sigle parent the children are living with!...In which case the ex would be very ex!!

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melvinscomment · 05/03/2011 15:55

However, as well as relinquishing parental responsibility, the natural father would also be relinquishing financial responsibility!, so depending on the circumstances my "solution" may not be as attractive as I initially thought!

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primrose22 · 05/03/2011 16:00

Thanks for your replies everyone. I really wouldn't want their father to lose his pr, its not what I want at all. Its just seems very sad that in 2011 the law still seems so very old fashioned.
I know my dp would happily marry me but it would seem a very buisness like arrangement if we took the plunge now! We are happy as we are but see pr as a way of 'cementing' us a family and more importantly a necessity eg: one of my dcs has medical issues and its only me who can consent in a medical emergency as their father is 100's of mile away!
Ah well, I guess thats answered my original question, thank you

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Resolution · 05/03/2011 19:13

In reality in a medical emergency no one will be denied treatment.

It's the decisions that take time to think about, eg days rather than seconds, that you have PR for.

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ginmakesitallok · 05/03/2011 19:13

You CAN get PR without being married though? DP had to apply for PR for DD1 as we weren't married when she was born and she was born prior to 2003? Is the rule about having to be married new? Or is it because partner isn't biological father?

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prh47bridge · 05/03/2011 20:29

It is because the partner is not the biological father. The biological father can get PR several ways if he has never been married to the mother. Any other partner the mother has will only be able to get PR if he marries the mother.

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babybarrister · 05/03/2011 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Resolution · 05/03/2011 23:13

It will, but I think that as it's so close to being an adoption order, it will castrate the actual father, which is what I think the OP doesn't want. I wouldn't think you'd get it past the SW doing the report, or the court.

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floatyjosmum · 06/03/2011 09:32

as a sw i dtn think a special guardianship order would be agreed or nt - i knw i would question it!

they could apply for a residence order in both mum and step dads name and that then would mean he had PR (comes with the residence order) without takin any from the dad!

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floatyjosmum · 06/03/2011 09:33

first bit makes no sense ive realised - ignore the 'or nt'!

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