BIL and very unreasonable ExP - just a rant!!

[sneezecakesmum]

Having received brilliant help and support here - all of which has been taken by BIL and he now has a solicitor and legal aid lined up - I just wanted a little rant about an email she sent him with her demands.

BIL has had a dreadful life with her and has proved that men can also be victims of domestic abuse, more in the emotional variety but equally damaging.

She is damanding he pay her £350 a month to cover, 15 yo (16 in 2 months) DDs needs including hobbies (horse riding). She says this is the CSA estimate. He earns £180 net pw, and their online calculator determines this at £25! He is happy to pay this and is saving it in an account in DDs name. He will also continue to pay if she goes to uni.

She says the house is valued at £152,500. (Its not, similar houses are £180,000. even with the recent falls) and has offered him £10,000 in full settlement with no further claim on his business or property. The business is making a loss and failing for years, his property is all in his name (car etc) and may total £5000 max. She also wants him to pay £105 per month to the household expenses, despite the fact he is homeless!

She says she can keep the house against his wishes until DD leaves full time education - 7-9 years! And BIL must pay £350 pcm maintenance for all this time - then she will allow him to take his 50% share after all costs are taken out and the capital repaid.

She wants 1/2 all the assets (car etc) in his name, complete with 1/2 the money in his private bank account (not joint). Again not a substantial amount.

I am not asking for advice but just wanting a major rant about this unreasonable bullying woman. I spoke to BIL today after he read this email and he was upbeat and optomistic for the first time in weeks and surprised me by not being intimidated. and face at the same time!!

[cestlavielife]

it isnt that "she" keeps the house but that a share is held in trust for the child(ren).

she should provide at elast two valuatiosn - your BIL should get at least two valuations.

this can then all be presented at mediation (or court).

[gillybean2]

sneezecake where is she getting the higher CSA calculation from? Does BIL do overtime or get a bonus during the year or commision? If so then that should be included in the calculation.

Also you say he is entitled to legal aid so presumably he is on a low income. Is he perhaps getting any benefits that may be subject to inclusion on the calculation?

Does he have any other income other than PAYE that she is including (pension, dividends, anything that requires him to complete a Tax Return)?

If not and you are pretty sure then I suggest he makes her the offer of £25 a week and tell her to contact the CSA if she thinks she's entitled to more.

She can demand all she like, but it's not going to happen. He is entitled to a home and money to pay his bills too.

He only needs to pay support until the end of the summer holidays of the school year in which dd turns 18 (even if she gets a hob in those holidays). After that they can agree that he continues to contribute, but he is not legally responsible to after that.

His sol will presumably help his with the house and asset splitting. Hopefully with support and help around him he won't be bullied into agreeing to less than he should.
Remind him that he needs to have a home he can have his dd visit him in too. And it is only 1.5 more years that she needs to be provided for so he shouldn't be swayed into agreeing too much re house etc.

How were the activities etc paid for before? He couldn't have afforded them on that salary so presumably ex SIL was paying some? Bear in mind that if almost 16yo dd wants to continue with them then perhaps it's time for her to get a part time job to help with some of the cost if they really come to £350 a month!? I'm sure she'd could probably find a job at the stables for example...

[sneezecakesmum]

gilly They were never married so not ex SIL but ExP. If you'd seen my previous post in this section you would see that she just behaves abominably to BIL. Clothes on lawn, locks changed, told to get out 2 days before xmas. Has done same many times in past and was a way of controlling him.

Anyway, no extra income just very low wage she has probably not even spoken to CSA but trying to intimidate him into coming back (usual pattern!) Managed to save couple of thousand in his name, which she promptly emptied bank ac after falsly activating bank card. Under police investigation as we speak!

He is currently living on his sons couch and trying to keep his business going just so he can eat.

BILs ExP works full time, but DD cost no more to keep than the average teenage. ExP got £1000 for a horse from BIL (said she'd pay it back but didn't) but DD not that interested in horses any more just boys. ExP made sure the horse bill of sale in her name so BIL down a grand! Typical of her. £350 pm would mean that the £10,000. she got from BIL to give her the entire house would be clawed back in 2 1/2 years. laughable!!

cest Why would a 'share' of the house be held in trust for the children?

He will ask who the estate agent was that made the valuation - he thinks its a lie and deliberate underestimation to offer him less.

I think his solicitor will fall off his chair laughing when he sees the email