newly pregnant with a 5th baby, bit worried

(39 Posts)
devoncreamtea Mon 10-Feb-14 17:49:08

Hello,

Feel like a bit of a wally for posting....just discovered I am newly pregnant. This will be my 5th child and unplanned. Always wanted 4 and now have 4 fab, wild and lovely children - 11, 6,5,3. Very happy mum, vaguely competent, really love it. Nothing to make me feel 'no way, I can't do it'
Anyway, if I am completely honest the thing that is making me worry is that I can't cope with other people's negative comments and assumptions. I had a bit of that with 4, but expect more with another. I know I shouldn't be bothered and it's my choice etc but it does feel upsetting. I would appreciate some sensible advice and to hear some experiences of 5.

Bedsheets4knickers Mon 10-Feb-14 18:06:00

I only have 2 so I can't compare but watt I would say it was completely planned and took longer than you thought. That should shut them up x

BuntCadger Mon 10-Feb-14 18:11:10

I understand as one of my sisters no longer speaking to me as we have had a 4th and she sadly couldn't have more than 1. another sister saw fit to tell me her dh thinks all I do is pop out babies like it's a bad thing. (this is the guy who cheats on his wife)

Madonnaquintessential Mon 10-Feb-14 18:35:17

I have 1- but plan on more (hence my roaming about on the larger family threads!) I do not understand why people care how many kids others have? If you can love them, nurture and provide for them why does it matter? Seriously I am bemused as to why anyone would get funny about it? Am I naively missin something ?

devoncreamtea Mon 10-Feb-14 20:14:04

Thanks for responses everyone!

4athomeand1cooking Mon 10-Feb-14 20:36:28

I have 5, Youngest is 5 weeks and my others have the same ages as yours.

Like you I had negative comments with 4 but oddly did not experience them with 5. I think the jump from 3 to 4 take you out of the "normal" 2 to 3 children family which leads to the comments. Once we hit 5 I don't think people were surprised anymore.

I had a few comments from the post natal hospital staff such as "we really need to talk about contraception!" I very politely told them that number 5 was planned (he wasn't) and I was very capable of making contraception choices.

Do not feel for one minute that you have to justify yourself to anyone. Everyone that knows me, knows how much I like the hustle and bustle of a large family.

And I always keep a few snidey comments for the people at the school gates who feel able to comment. Like one Mum who very snobbishly asked me how I justified having a 4th to my other children and said "I don't know how anyone can possibly cope with more than two" at which point I looked at her two children whilst saying "I can understand some people feel that way but honestly my children are so well mannered I feel quite able to cope". I loved watching her face as the penny dropped.

MissSmiley Mon 10-Feb-14 20:48:58

Hi congratulations on your pregnancy. We have five. 11, 8, 6, 6, 3. Our last one was a surprise after 9 rounds of IVF and 12 years of no contraception! It took a bit of getting used to but we were over the moon. I agree it's the comments that people make that astound me, only on Saturday when I was buying running shoes did the guy in the shop say to me "you don't look like you've got 5 kids!" What is that supposed to mean? I'm 41 slim(ish) all my own teeth and hair! I don't know what they think we should look like? At my age they could have all moved out and have their own families.

Anyway, you'll be fine. It's no harder than 4 and loads of fun. Enjoy every moment.

I like your comment about them all being really well behaved. People can be so rude.

devoncreamtea Mon 10-Feb-14 22:23:25

Thank you miss smiley and 4athome lovely to hear your experiences! Still in the 'how did this happen?' ??? phase...but you are right that 1 extra little person to love is pretty awesome. The washing though! I may just dispense with wardrobes and just keep the clean clothes in a pile on my bed permanently...

NAR4 Tue 11-Feb-14 14:03:45

I have 5 and get comments such as you need a TV or you must be bonkers. I just reply that when you make children as wonderful as mine, it would have been an injustice to society to only have 2.

Don't get many negative comments really.

Congratulations.

AMummyFromNotts Wed 12-Feb-14 09:29:10

No offence but how can you have an unplanned pregnancy after 4 children ,surely you realise by now.
And you should tell people clearly the truth that you wanted more as it clearly obvious you do and did because you would of took all the precautions to prevent any more pregnancies if you really didn't .
It not really anyone business how many children you have and for people to take there time out to even bother asks make them pretty sad tbh,you couldn't of been that worried about peoples opinions otherwise like I said you would of completely prevented it .

HappyHippyChick Wed 12-Feb-14 09:47:28

I have also found myself unexpectedly pregnant with no. 5. Am 23 weeks now and haven't had any negative comments at all.

I think this is because my first 4 were all boys and people just couldn't believe we were happy with all boys and must want to try again for a girl!

I am always astounded that people feel it's ok to make negative comments, I was always taught - if you can't say something nice, say nothing confused. I would use one of the marvellous come backs above and just ignore the ignorant bastards!

Congratulations OP, it will be lovely !

QueenofKelsingra Wed 12-Feb-14 09:50:10

it is no-one elses business how many children you have assuming you have the means to support them.

If you are worried about it I would suggest pre-empting people 'great news! I'm pregnant! we're so excited to be having another one!' - this doesn't really leave much room for them to be negative without sounding like a total bitch!

congratulations by the way!

HappyHippyChick Wed 12-Feb-14 09:53:07

No method of contraception is 100% foolproof mummyfromnotts even a sucessful vasectomy can spontaneously reconnect (although this is very rare). Your comments are not helpful.

emark Wed 12-Feb-14 10:00:49

Hi and congratulations
we are in exactly the same position! have 4 already 10, 8, 6 and 4, recently (2wks ago) discovered unplanned pregnant again 14weeks.

having exact same panics about snide or negative comments, still getting used tonite ourselves so have decided not to let anyone know yet hopefully til 6mths+!!
at least the dreadful weather lets you hide in thick coats

Good luck take care of yourselfsmile

devoncreamtea Thu 13-Feb-14 17:08:58

Thanks all! Great to hear from you - take care x

ZingSweetApple Thu 13-Feb-14 17:36:53

for stupid comments my responses vary from "no, I'm not mad, my mother had me testedgrin " through "that's quite rude actually" to just shrugging my shoulders and doing a confused face.

we have 6 children and #7 is due in July, just begore DS1's 13th birthday.

what practical help do you need exactly?

my general prediction is that you will be fine! Congratulations!smile thanks

devoncreamtea Sat 15-Feb-14 08:35:35

Thank you zing! Getting my head round it now....just!!

ImBrian Sun 16-Feb-14 07:58:02

Ive just found out im expecting number 5 as well smile Im keeping quiet for as long as possible as I cant be bothered with the comments.

ThinkIMmad Sun 16-Feb-14 10:12:10

I have 4 and like you feel 4 is a good number i didnt really have any negative comments well not to my face anyway just the odd jokey comment and have since had little jokey comments asking if im pregnant again yet.

If you are happy about having another child and you know you can handle another child then you dont have explain yourself to anyone

Shellywelly1973 Wed 19-Feb-14 18:28:27

I've just had dc6...16 days ago.

She was planned but things that happened during my pregnancy were unreal & I became a single parent just before Christmas.

But- we're fine. We all adore out newest addition. Don't stress too much. Most certainly don't worry about people's comments.

Best of luck.

ZingSweetApple Wed 19-Feb-14 20:26:12

congrats on new baby Shelley!thanks

devoncreamtea Sun 23-Feb-14 02:19:22

Wow shelley congratulations! Thank you for taking the time to respond to my moaning. Take care x

TerrifiedMothertobe Mon 03-Mar-14 12:40:59

I am one of 4 and loved having so many siblings. I now have two boys and am in awe of my parents and those with big families. I have a friend with 4 under 4' one with 5 (9-20) and another with 4. I think you are amazing. you have incredible patience and have obviously the golden touch to bring up children. don't take offence when people yell you your mad! They may mean it in the nicest way! Congrats on your pregnancy!

MrsExtraOrdinary Tue 04-Mar-14 22:21:09

I'm another with 5 of my own although I do have dsc too! I love it! We are ttc 6. There's 16 years top to bottom. I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only one who feels the dread of onlookers comments. Each child is special they are all different and I'm sure your number 5 will be very loved by its siblings.

Greenrememberedhills Tue 04-Mar-14 22:25:12

I have five, of whom the three youngest are teens. I'm not dead yet!!

Greenrememberedhills Tue 04-Mar-14 22:29:10

Ps people's comments are about them and their lives, not you. We all get them. Mainly from people who chose small families.

I'm always shocked at people believing that my large family costs them. It never has done, in fact the reverse, given my DH and I and both our two older kids are paying fairly substantial taxes.

ZingSweetMango Thu 06-Mar-14 21:02:53

I was told again just yesterday that "I'm mad".
I asked why? I don't think I am! we planned all of them and happy with our big family however difficult they can be, flooding the bloody toilet with enourmous poos

She apologised and offered: "I should have said brave."
I smiled and said "yeah, that sounds better!"wink

I am prepared for 3rd trimester and crappy questions about "have you not popped yet?" & "are you still here?" though.
I bought I t-shirt saying "I'll come out when I'm ready"
that will learn them!grin

MrsExtraOrdinary Thu 06-Mar-14 21:07:11

Congratulations to you too zing! thanks I can't wait to get a bfp for number 6. My sister was 6 yrs older and my brother 7 yrs younger. Growing up was quite lonely. I really wish the up side of larger families was better publicised.

elQuintoConyo Thu 06-Mar-14 22:06:37

DH is 3rd of 6. His Irish-French mother would just tilt her head to one side and stare through people when they made a stupid comment.

DH's oldest sibling has 5. DSil said, "we prayed for five gorgeous children and God delivered them". They are slightly religious, but that shuts people up!

Dfil was also 1 of 6.
DMil 5th of 15 grin
My DF is 4th of 9
DGM 1st of 9
DGF 3rd of 13

We have millions of cousins and playmates for our one dc.

Many congratulations thanks

ZingSweetMango Fri 07-Mar-14 06:14:17

quinto

that is genius! tilt and stare.
got it.grin
was any eyebrow raising involved?

Please send her a kiss from me, ok?

<practices tilt & stare. gets excited>

devoncreamtea Fri 07-Mar-14 19:55:27

Wow! Great families here - imagine 13!

Thanks for all your positive comments - and congrats to Zing.

elQuintoConyo Fri 07-Mar-14 22:43:28

I think the eyebrow came up if the eejit person was still running on, but usually they shut up or backtracked after the stare grin

Perhaps she should have run pregnancy assertion seminars or something!

MerylStrop Fri 07-Mar-14 22:47:45

I have three (and I am more than a little bit jealous of all of you who have or will soon have more)

Congratulations!

There are some brilliant responses on here should they be, I hope you enjoy using them.

elQuintoConyo Sat 08-Mar-14 06:53:27

I think the eyebrow came up if the eejit person was still running on, but usually they shut up or backtracked after the stare grin

Perhaps she should have run pregnancy assertion seminars or something!

emark Sat 08-Mar-14 07:36:34

how long were many of you able to 'hide' a 5th pregnancy?
currently almost 18weeks and only me and Dh know! - it was a contraceptive failure

hoping to get to 24 weeks before we become playground gossip

BikeRunSki Sat 08-Mar-14 07:44:49

I am one of a mere 4.
My mum used glibly tell people "oh yes, they were all mistakes" when they commented.
I don't think we were grin

mummyoffive1983 Mon 24-Mar-14 15:15:42

I have five. My children were 7, 8 4, 1 AND NEWBORN.
Now fourteen months on it is still tough. Sleep non existsnt. Holidays on hold.... but its great. I am proud to hsve them.
Howevrr people do comment. I've been asked if I have religious persuasions and that's why I have so many kids! I don't. Also people judge the sort of person you are and ive had doctors ask if they have same dad. They do!
So be prepared. My fifth was an accident. And I doubted whether I would manage especially when I split from his dad before he was born.
Good luck. I am still broody for another so it can't be that bad!

mummyoffive1983 Mon 24-Mar-14 15:18:43

Lol. Just one day wear really tight top and hold head high. I have five. Was gossip for a while. But I am happy. So stuff them!

Mrswellyboot Mon 24-Mar-14 15:18:50

I only have one but no way would I let them upset me and you sound like you're a great mum so feck them grin

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