Are we crazy re age gap?

(42 Posts)
wibblyjelly Sat 16-Feb-13 18:11:53

DS is 4 and a half months old. The plan is that when he is a year old, we are going to TTC dc2. Are we crazy?! I've said to DH I'm worried its going to be pure hell (although I am happy to go ahead with the plan, I'm not being forced!smile ) DH has said that we will support each other, and it will be hard whenever we do it. This way, we get the first couple of years over with, and then it should (fingers crossed) get easier.

Does anyone have any experience of dealing with a newborn, and a toddler potentially under the age of 2? I just keep thinking back to the early days of no sleep with ds, and wonder how youndeal with this, when you have an older child to consider. Tia.

Herrena Sat 16-Feb-13 18:16:20

I fell pregnant with ds2 when ds1 was, oh, 4 and a half months old grin it is a bit manic but manageable!

I absolutely agree with your DH about getting the nappy/vomit/sleep deprivation stage over in as short a period as possible. I look at friends who are thinking of ttc #2 right now and am so glad I don't have to do that again!

Gumps Sat 16-Feb-13 18:16:24

I have 19 months between my eldest two and its lovely. Hard at first but then ace - best buds and no sibling rivalry as the oldest was too little to remember a time before his bro. They are also into the same things which makes entertaining them much easier. Go for it!

Dirtymistress Sat 16-Feb-13 18:19:27

I am 36 weeks pg with ds2. Ds 1 is 16 months. I am terrified about how hard it will be. But... This is what we wanted. We started trying for the second a mere week after ds1 was born. There is no right age gap. Just do what feels right for yousmile

tiggyhop Sat 16-Feb-13 18:21:26

I had 3 under 3 ( all singletons) complete blur till youngest turned 4 brilliant now.grin

MerryCouthyMows Sat 16-Feb-13 18:26:29

I had 19 months between DS1 & DS2. I wouldn't do it again. It took me 7 years to have DS3 after that!

I had 4 years between DD and DS1, and I found that was too much of a gap.

So, IMO, the 'perfect' age gap is between 2-3 years.

wibblyjelly Sat 16-Feb-13 18:27:51

Phew, so it sounds like its hard, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I'm sure it will work out better in the long run, as we want them to be able to play with each other. All I can do is just deal with it as and when it happens. Thanks for your responses, I feel a bit better about the situation smile

llamallama Sat 16-Feb-13 18:27:52

I'm due in June with DD2, DD1 is 16 months. Fell pregnant first cycle of TTC just after DD1 turned one. I can't wait! We will have 20 months gap. I'm sure first 6 months will be hard but I'm excited about times to come afterwards!

I'm planning on carrying my newborn lots and keeping DD1 entertained with cbeebies! That will work right?

wibblyjelly Sat 16-Feb-13 18:29:08

Merry, we are planning on only having 2, so we aren't planning on doing it again! I bet we end up with twins....grin

forevergreek Sat 16-Feb-13 18:29:34

we have a 14 month gap. hard first few months, then works well. they are into the same things/toys/ bedtime/ friends etc etc

Spookey80 Sat 16-Feb-13 18:30:49

19months between my 2. I love it and it is hectic, but they are a real pair. But to start with very hard for the older one,,and I have learnt patience along the way,,there are times I wish I had chilled out more,,,but you learn.
We are now deciding whether to try for number three...but I'm worried as dc2 will be 3 when a new baby would arrive,,and think the age gap too big!? ..especially as I don't thnk we would go for/ have four.

Spookey80 Sat 16-Feb-13 18:33:25

Llama- that is exactly what my top tips would be! Don't feel bad if the older one gets extra cbeebies for a while,,and get a sling.

Mollydoggerson Sat 16-Feb-13 18:38:43

two words - double buggy.

I had 13.5 months between mine, it was very hard, I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. I think a 2 year gap should be the minimum.

wibblyjelly Sat 16-Feb-13 19:59:55

Molly, out of curiosity, do you mean 2 years between them, or 2 years before TTC?

pesta Sat 16-Feb-13 20:25:11

21 months between mine and ds2 is now 19 weeks, its a race through the day, so much to do just meeting their basic needs and was tough on ds1 to begin with but ds1 loves his brother and vice virsa and ds2 is pure joy , I love it. It's,not hard work really, you just need to be prepared to able to complety focus on them imo. My pregnancy was hard but I figure it will be whatever the age gap.

Thinkingof4 Sat 16-Feb-13 21:46:07

I have 20 months between ds2 & 3. The first year was a blur but they are great friends. I have 30 months between ds1 & 2 and they are brilliant together too so longer age gaps can work too. Ds3 will be 25months when dc4 arrives in July! So I suppose for me a gap of about 2 years is great

MrsWolowitzerables Sun 17-Feb-13 09:32:18

I had three under 2yo at one stage.

I had DTs when DD1 was 22 months.

It was really hard for the first few months but now its lovely but still hard work

DD1 is now 4 and DTs are 2. Its a lot of work and is very tiring but its lovely watching them all playing together and despite the numerous fights that go on they al generally get along very well and I wouldn't change it now.

Beatrixpotty Sun 17-Feb-13 14:02:07

19 month gap here too and just about to have my 3rd 23 months after DS2.It really wasn't too bad.Sometimes I wish the gap was smaller between the 1st 2.DS1 has changed from being a jealous toddler to really wanting to play with his little brother and often says "why can't DS2 talk?"They have v similar interests toy wise which is a lovely thing about being close in age.

Branleuse Sun 17-Feb-13 14:03:51

i have 11.5 months between ds2 and dd.

there are good points and bad points

we are all still alive thoiugh

Buddhastic Sun 17-Feb-13 16:55:04

11months. I wouldn't change it now though. Bit of a shock at the time. I had one in January and one in December same year blush

I had a newborn, an 11 month and and 2.5 yo. Was hard work but fun. To be honest harder now with all the tern hormones flying about grin

CrazyOldCatLady Sun 17-Feb-13 19:08:11

There are 19 months between mine and it's great, I'm glad we did it this way. I'm delighted to be getting all the baby shite over with grin

3monkeys3 Tue 19-Feb-13 14:45:27

I had a 13.5 month gap between ds1 and dd and then 22 months between dd and ds2, so 3 under 3! Personally I haven't found it that hard and in sins ways it is easier than bigger gaps because they are at similar ages, can play together, you can keep them entertained with the sand things, etc! The 22 month gap was trickier than the 13 month one tbh - ds1 still had a huge nap when we had dd and I had hours to myself! No such luck now they're 4.5, 3.4 and 18 months, but it is lovely.

3monkeys3 Tue 19-Feb-13 14:45:58

Some ways, not sins ways!

Lafaminute Tue 19-Feb-13 14:49:56

I would've died with this sort of age gap and so it was almost 7 years before I had #2. Hands down I would say it's better to have them close in age. I know there are arguments for and against different age gaos but when I look at friends and their kids I think that those close in age are better off. I was much closer to the brother that was 16 months older than me than the one that was 3 years (supposed ideal age gap) younger than me. When they're close in age - as a previous poster said - they can be entertained by the same thing. We find that one parent will take one child and the other will be left looking after the younger one and we don't get to do that much as a foursome!

wibblyjelly Wed 20-Feb-13 04:45:52

Thanks for all the responses. I'm definitely feeling a lot calmer smile

nooka Wed 20-Feb-13 04:56:43

I have a 16mth gap between my two, and really really didn't enjoy the first couple of years (but I am not a baby person). After that it's been great. They are the best of friends (even now at 13 and 12) don't have to be supervised to closely (as they are the same size so no worries about the bigger one hurting the little one) and enjoy many of the same things. dd tells me the closer the better.

nagynolonger Wed 20-Feb-13 05:00:12

I would say 19 months is about right. It was for me between DC1 and DC2. The newborn stuff will come back very quickly and I'm sure you will find that easier the second time round.

I also had a nearly 8 year gap later. That was much harder IMO because our life style had moved on from babies. It took some getting used to and all the 'rules' on how they should sleep etc had changed. To be fair I just got on with it and ignored the rules. Everyone does it the way it works for them.

susiey Thu 21-Feb-13 09:02:07

I h

susiey Thu 21-Feb-13 09:04:07

I have had a mixture of age gaps ( 2 yrs 3 mths, 2 yrs 9 mth and finally 20 months) and 20 months was my favourite!
They are both still babies really which helps because they both have a nap which is such a luxury!

ninipops Mon 11-Mar-13 19:05:51

I have DD1 3, DS 19mths and DD2 8 wks - so 2 18 mth gaps. Its really effin hard work. That said the older two are starting to play together and will spend ages out in the garden pottering about so I ca see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm looking forward to DS being more verbal as its having a toddler that makes having a newborn difficult (after your first that is!). Second having a good sling tho as you can't really leave a baby down low when there is an eager toddler ready to cuddle it into oblivion!

juule Tue 12-Mar-13 11:37:40

I had a 16m gap followed by a 15m gap and loved it smile

Myliferocks Tue 12-Mar-13 11:46:36

DC1 - DC2 4 and a half years
DC2 - DC3 19 mths
DC3 - DC4 15 mths
DC4 - DC5 13 mths

DC2 was 4yrs and 1 month when I had DC5

The worst gap is the 19 mths between DC2-DC3 as they are both girls who are so different in temperament are now 10 and 12. They fight ALL the time.
All 5 children children were much easier when they were little than they are now with all the hormones going round.

harrygracejessica Wed 13-Mar-13 12:47:01

We had twins when our eldest was 15 months. Bloody tiring but fab.

RightMoveAddict Thu 04-Apr-13 22:23:08

Exactly 18mths between mine as we planned. It was bliss then, its bliss now as number 2 nearly 2. Absolutely no way if have wanted a bigger gap-they are best friends!

MummaPanda Sat 13-Apr-13 13:41:08

Well my dd is almost 5 months old and I'm 3 months pregnant so no I wouldn't say your crazy!!

twinklesparkles Sun 14-Apr-13 12:36:57

Love this thread thank you for starting it smile

I have a ds who's 5 (6 in november) and a dd who is 11 days old smile

Think we will be trying for dc#3 sooner rather than later not yet don't worry,think ill need a while to get over labour I've always wanted 2 babies close together. Ds is great with his little sister but the gap between them feels so big.

3peasinapod Tue 16-Apr-13 12:16:59

11 months between my first 2, 19 months dc3... Hard going but well worth it.. DDs are now 7,6 and 4 and all off to school in sept and baby no4 coming in dec.. So I'll have a 5 year gap between dc 3 & 4.. I may have to have a no 5 for company...

bubbles11 Wed 17-Apr-13 11:53:09

I have 18 months between my two. It was very hard not just work wise (both in nappies, both up in the night) - but mainly because although he was supportive for baby number 1, once my son (2nd baby) arrived my husband changed and became a lot less supportive and distant and secondly going back to work when my son was 6 months old and having sole responsibility for the nursery run either end of my working day with two children who were 2 years old and 6 months old - was very hard.
I also have no family nearby and some family politics which are actively hostile (toxic MIL, infertile and very sensitive sister etc)
So my circumstances are probably unique in those respects although I think there is probably some common ground that returning to work when you have two children still in nappies, having sole responsibility for all childcare arrangments and costs and having a hostile husband, boss and wider family members does not help a happy time. Ironically I love my babies passionately and wish I could have had more but I know that 2 in those particular circumstances pretty much killed me so i am done. However the age gap of 18 months does have its advantages - my children are very close and play together well - they are a joy together. Good luck and I hope it goes well for you xx

sweetkitty Wed 17-Apr-13 19:03:03

My gaps are 18m, 30m and 22 months.

Easiest gap 18 months, hardest 30 months which is the usual 2 1/2 years. I love having them close in age they are 8 and 7 now. I think though there's positives and negatives with any age gap.

AmberSocks Mon 22-Apr-13 10:16:13

this is probably because ive had mine really close together but i think 2 years is quite a decent age gap!

i like having mine close together,they were all tiny together,they will all be kids and teens together,and probably have children around the same time too(if they have any)

I didnt find it that difficult,and i have 4 under 5 and another one on the way!my husband works long hours and we dont have family within 3 hours,and i really enjoy it,but i do really like kids in general.

you just need to be relaxed and dont worry about the small stuff,just enjoy being with them.

the biggest age gap i have is 2 and half yrs between 3 and 4,its nice but no more difficult or easier than a year imo.

AmberSocks Mon 22-Apr-13 10:17:27

plus i co sleep,use a sling,blw,feed on demand etc,it makes life a lot easier!

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