From 3 to 4... How hard have others found it?

(31 Posts)
Melody3boys Fri 21-Dec-12 18:52:36

My title says it all. How hard is it going from 3 to 4?
I'm not pregnant but considering TTC for number four.
Some info:
3 boys already...7, 5, 1.
I honestly don't mind another boy so I'm not 'trying for a girl'.
This would be fourth C- section.
A lot if scar pain towards end of last pregnancy.
Slow and painful recovery last time.
Not much practical family support.
I hate being preg.
3 bedroom house.
But...
I can't shake off the feeling that another little person is missing from our family.

Lucy411 Sat 22-Dec-12 08:50:40

My sister has 3 bed house 4 kids, now 13,9,8,7
She said she found it easier the more she had smile

Melody3boys Sat 22-Dec-12 09:04:13

Thanks lucy411. The more I hear about people who manage the more I want to go for it!

Dillydollydaydream Sat 22-Dec-12 09:07:47

I'll let you know in June! I'm currently 17wks with no4.

phlebas Sat 22-Dec-12 09:27:54

My four are 12, 6, 3, & 1. I found three to four by far the hardest increase, three was a walk in the park ... there exponentially more noise, mess, drudge work (feeding/wiping/nappies/cleaning/dressing/changing) feels continuous, finding a car that works for us all has been a complete PITA, getting everyone out is a military operation. It is very expensive - I spread clothes purchases through the year but there is always someone who needs shoes or an activity paid for.

I'd heard an awful lot of people say oh when you have three another one won't make much difference (tbh often said by people who have fewer than three wink ), I disagree - for us four really did make life very different. I love it though smile

Melody3boys Sat 22-Dec-12 21:55:42

Thanks phlebas for your honesty. Was it just awful with a newborn and three others? I think that's the bit I worry about the most. Oh and being pregnant with three others to look after.

Dillydolly congratulations. I look forward to hearing how you get on. All the best x

Myliferocks Sat 22-Dec-12 21:58:13

I found 2 to 3 the hardest. 3 to 4 and 4 to 5 were a walk in the park compared to 2 to 3.

HDee Sat 22-Dec-12 21:58:27

My number four just slipped in, like she was always here.

My others were 13, 5 and 3. My hardest was the first, then they got easier and easier.

NAR4 Sat 22-Dec-12 22:37:32

I agree with HDee. My number 4 fitted in so well, it really didn't make any differrence to our lifes other than of course the lack of sleep again with night feeds. I'm pregnant with number 5 and am hoping it fits in just as well (too late to change my mind now).

For me going from 2-3 was the hardest and by far the busiest time of my life.

I imagine it is quite an individual thing though and depends on things such as your age, your children's ages and personalities.

I had 4 children in a 3 bed semi and have to admit it was a squeeze, so we had our garage converted into another bedroom. The car thing was also a PITA, but now we have both of those sorted, thought we may as well fully utilise them by having a fifth.

destinationanywhere Sat 22-Dec-12 22:52:04

I had my fourth son this year. Oldest is 9. Finding out I was pregnant was a shock. The pregnancy was truly awful and ended in a 3 week hospital stay and I am still struggling with the physical after effects.

BUT he is a gorgeous little baby. He is doted on by all of us. It is hard work but I don't regret it at all. I think it will probably get harder once he gets to 2-3 though.

Melody3boys Sun 23-Dec-12 15:20:54

Thank you so much for all your replies. I'm buzzing that several of you commented on either having the first being the hardest or going from 2 to 3. I've already crossed those two barriers... And survived!

Melody3boys Sun 23-Dec-12 15:22:19

Can you identify why going from two to three was the hardest Myliferocks*?

Melody3boys Sun 23-Dec-12 15:24:39

Nar4 congratulations on # 5. Wow! When are you due?

Melody3boys Sun 23-Dec-12 15:27:50

Congratulations to you too Destinationanywhere. We would have to squeeze into a three bed semi if we went for number four. No option for extending though :-(

Sorry you had such a rough time in pregnancy. If you don't mind me asking, why the three week hospital stay?

NAR4 Sun 23-Dec-12 17:01:15

Hi Melody I'm due 14th Feb.

Melody3boys Sun 23-Dec-12 18:01:24

Great birth date!

Lucy411 Mon 24-Dec-12 09:36:15

I'm one of 6 we lived in a 3 bed then converted down stairs so ended up a 4 bed and loved coming from a big family and still do now I have my own as my lb has 11 cousins just from my brothers and sister! smile go for it you always manage smile and I doubt the urge will go away!

Melody3boys Mon 24-Dec-12 13:36:33

Thanks Lucy. I think you're right about the urge not going away!

Myliferocks Sat 29-Dec-12 17:39:20

Sorry I've only just remembered I posed on this thread!
Melody3boys - it was easy with 2 as we had one each iyswim whereas when we had 3 not only did they out number us but there was always an odd one out.
When we had number 4 and 5 whilst they still out numbered us there wasn't an odd one out iyswim.

BlackholesAndRevelations Sat 29-Dec-12 18:56:48

Is it common to find 2-3 hardest?! Eek. I'm newly pg with no 3. My dp is one of four and it's amazing now they're all adults and it looked like so much fun growing up. I'm not sure if we'll be able to stretch to four though.

lollystix Sun 30-Dec-12 07:29:47

I found 3-4 was the hardest tbh (aside from 0-1). My 4th boy who I wouldn't ever send back but I had 4 under 5 and tbh he wasn't my easiest baby - 14m now and very clingy. Feel like I've never moved out of baby stage. However I would say that since having him we've never been in an appropriate housing situation, have zero family help and did emigrate to the other side of the world so if you are in a settled situation it could be easier. Whilst I know I'm blessed I do sometimes stand back and think OMG what have I done.

Melody3boys Mon 31-Dec-12 11:54:40

Thanks for advice, I've got a lot to think on but am pretty definite we're going to TTC #4

destinationanywhere Tue 01-Jan-13 21:06:35

Only just back to this thread.

The 3 week stay was due to him being born at 35 weeks and refusing to feed/being jaundice.

Good luck.

Fwiw I found 1-2 hardest and 0-1 and 2-3 easiest.

RB04 Wed 02-Jan-13 12:09:55

Very new on here this is first post!

I am pregnant with no. 4 only 5 weeks. I have two girls 12 and 10 and a boy 16 months. Similarly, when no 3 (unplanned) was born I felt there was a gap in our family and knew I would feel right without no4. Now pregnant a little nervous as my eldest daughter was very put out by arrival of no3. Hormones.......!

MelodyCatsAndKittens Wed 02-Jan-13 17:08:31

Thanks for getting back to me Destination. Three weeks in hospital must have been awful sad

Hi RB04. Thanks for understanding my need to even things up a bit. Although my gap in the middle isn't as large as yours! Have you told your eldest daughter about the new baby yet?

We're not sure we could cope with four but we do want a fourth.

MelodyCatsAndKittens Wed 02-Jan-13 17:09:42

Sorry, I've name changed, it's me, the OP.

RB04 Wed 02-Jan-13 18:27:19

Well my older girls are from a previous relationship. I was sure I was never going to have any more!

Part of the reason is because there is such a big gap, I didn't want my little one to be like an only child. My eldest will be doing GCSE's when he starts school so although they love him and he adores them, there is a limit to how much thy want to play with him!! My girls are so close that I wanted that for him as well. Plus I love the whole newborn stage!

Haven't told my girls yet. Middle one will be fine but not sure about eldest. Will do soon though as have certain cravings for things I don't normall eat and a little sickness already. They will work it out very soon if I say nothing!

jenbird Thu 10-Jan-13 20:18:55

My 4th is only 6 weeks but I'd that so far going from 3 to 4 was easier than 2-3. I have a 2.5year age gap between mine and find now that the older two (7 and 5) can help a little. I think when you go past two you have to start being more organised and you no longer have the same expectations of having a life. This baby is by far the most demanding so far but we have to just et on with it and it's not as much of a shock anymore.

We are in a 3 bed semi and I have to say I am desperate to move. I have b,g,b,g so toys for varying genders and ages everywhere. It's driving me bonkers!

mummybto3 Fri 18-Jan-13 23:31:51

I found 3-4 the hardest jump. Mine were DD (9), DS (6) and DS (4) when my 4th was born. DD4 is now 17 months. She was a very demanding baby - not what I had expected. Colic / Reflux / endless screaming.. Only recently stared to be happier. DD1 very put-out and moody when baby arrived and two boys fighting and demanding attention all the time. I wouldn't change it for the world though. I feel totally blessed and I think (and hope) we are doing a good job of parenting them all. It's not perfect but then, what is? I think you need to know your own limits and be honest about what you can cope with? So, have you decided yet...? smile

happynappies Wed 23-Jan-13 22:15:29

I found 2-3 the hardest, but I think that was because #2 was only 18months old and had reflux, didn't sleep etc. I've now got ages 6,3,2 and 4 months. We were living in a teeny 3 bed house having tried to move for best part of 2 years. Last summer really felt tired and so anxious, 4th pregnancy was my most difficult one (not sure if that was my age, looking after 3 under 6, or trying to move house!). We finally moved when my fourth was three weeks old, and it was one of the most difficult things I've ever done, but all over now!! We're still in a three bed house but much bigger with scope to extend, and in the meantime they can share in a number of combinations...

I think you do get more efficient, and things get back to normal quicker. The first weeks are a bit crazy but unlike 1-2 you're used to dividing yourself between everyone and keeping plates spinning... Within a few weeks the school/nursery run was manageable again. Whoever said your expectations are different, that is so true. The work is never done! Have just spent my evening sorting out the kitchen, then sorting out school bags and setting out four sets of hats/coats etc for morning, then putting away laundry, then been out to local shop for top-up shop as won't have time in the day tomorrow. Generally stop working around 9pm each night... But you kind of accept what you need to do whereas when we had two dc's I resented it more and wondered when we'd get a break, when it would become easier etc. I don't mean to sound negative, started off saying 3-4 was easy: my fourth has just slotted in so the transition has been easy, it's just that having four little ones takes it out of me! Wouldn't change it for the world though smile

honey86 Sat 02-Feb-13 12:30:59

im trying for no.4 from experience i thought going from one to two was hardest as that wen ur not used to multitasking. 2-3 was hard only cos they were all under 4 and close together x

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