Stick at two children or have 3?

(53 Posts)
nknight85 Wed 12-Sep-12 11:42:27

Really need some advice we have two beautiful sons, one 4 and the other 2, we have been discussing about having another, but we are really unsure really need some advice. We really need to decide sooner rather than later as we've always said we didn't want one at the age of 30 and over, and also we really don't want there to be a big age difference between them, so rather all at once and then it's done with and then we can concentrate on them better as they get older. Does anyone have more than two children and know what it's like? Weather we should just stick with two and always wonder what it would of been like or weather to have another one and not to obviously regret it but wonder weather it was too much? Please please help.

carolinecordery Wed 12-Sep-12 23:42:27

You'll never regret it. The 3rd will always be a delight in so many different ways to the others. But I'm sticking at 2. I feel I can't fully give to more than 2 and that the quality of my attention would be compromised with all the extra militant organisation etc. But it also sounds like you're young enough to change your mind later if you don't have another one now. The way you feel about the family dynamics may change 6 or 7 years from now.

carries Wed 12-Sep-12 23:47:45

I have 2DD, 8 & 5. I was planning to only have 2. Thought I was pushing it age wise (I'm 38), both at school, I was getting ready to go back to work, our family was complete. Then, whoops, I'm pregnant again! I'm only 17 weeks but even now can't imagine why I didn't want another baby. So so so happy, best surprise ever. Obviously don't know what it will be like in reality but am excited about the future. So, I would say go for it! smile

FatFaced Wed 12-Sep-12 23:49:36

I'm not a fan of even numbers. Go for it.

DevaDiva Thu 13-Sep-12 00:14:34

I'd love another, got 2 DCs 7 & 10 and would like more. But I'm one of three and always said if I have 3 I'll have to have 4,really don't want an odd number. Have decided to stick at 2, being sensible re: finances etc... But I'd still say go for it grin

nknight85 Thu 13-Sep-12 10:24:05

Thank you so much for the advice

SoozM Thu 13-Sep-12 11:13:56

I've got 3 DSs age 8, 7 and 4 and I love it!! It's like having a little tribe of my own. It's cerrtainly noisy and chaotic and I do sometimes think I should have stuck to 2 but that never lasts more than a milli-second. I think if I hadn't had 3 I'd always have regretted it whereas I have no desire to have a 4th as feel we're complete somehow.

nknight85 Thu 13-Sep-12 12:44:33

Thank you so much for that that's how I feel and we would never consider having 4 children, and we've always said before we had the boys that we always wanted 3 but after the 2nd DS we changed our minds as we have formed a special relationship with them both and I guess that I am just scared that my DS no 2 won't be my little baby no more as we've got a special bond where's DS1 is a daddy's boy. So am just worried, will I still love them all the same and will I push one child out if a new baby arrives scary.

littleducks Thu 13-Sep-12 13:08:16

I am like this. Dd is 6 and ds is 4. I'm mid twenties and dh early thirties, ideally I don't want to have kids in my thirties.

We always planned more, I wanted three and dh would have tonnes hmm but I'm just not sure now. I'm too busy with other stuff right now but worry about leaving it too late.

Also with one boy and one girl they now have seperate bedrooms, if we had another someone would need to share. I worry that putting a baby/toddler in with a 7/8 yr old with lots of tiny toy pieces would be unfair.

nknight85 Thu 13-Sep-12 13:13:47

That's one problem we don't have as both our boys share a bedroom which they love so we have a spare room as a plus. All I can suggest is put both kids into the same r

nknight85 Thu 13-Sep-12 13:15:32

Sorry didnt finish lol put then in same room until baby old enough to go in whoevers room they'll be sharing or keep baby in your room until baby stops waking during night then put baby in shared room. Xx

mamij Thu 13-Sep-12 13:20:07

We'd love to have three, but financially better off if we stick with two unfortunately! So the more the merrier in my opinion!

IWishICouldThinkOfAFabName Thu 13-Sep-12 19:42:54

We have 3 - 2 DS aged 12 and 8 and DD age 5. Our family never felt fully complete with just 2 children but after having trouble conceiving with the first two, we thought a third was unlikely. But nature works in mysterious ways and we had a lovely surprise with DD.
We found going from 2 to 3 harder than from 1 to 2. You need to think more about cars, holidays - and it does cost more. With 2 children there is a parent each - with 3 you have to spread yourself a bit wider !
Far more positives though so go for it. Most of my friends have 3 ( 2 of them have 4). However, there is no rush as you are still young ! As I knew that no.3 was my last I have really enjoyed the pregnancy, her baby and toddler years (even the sleepless nights, potty training etc) as I knew that I would never get to do this again.
We are lucky as our kids have a room each but so many children share rooms so don't let that put you off. Although a 2nd loo is essential imo !
Just don't have a 3rd in the hope of having a girl ( as you have 2 boys) as the odds are it will be another boy.
Good luck - having a 3rd is wonderful and you will love it !

nknight85 Thu 13-Sep-12 20:29:31

Thank you was a very nice thing to say and I am expecting will have a boy anyways as it'll be much easier for us but as long as their healthy am not botherd what we have. Both my boys love sharing a room so that makes it much easier. I think we are most Likley to try for a baby as soon as I have my implant out. But my main concern obviously is the fact of me and DH have a kid each so having 3 scares me that will be running after 3 kids lol and also that my littlest one won't be classed as my little baby anymore which makes me sad. Will I ever get over that?

SoozM Fri 14-Sep-12 12:50:58

I think this makes the middle child really special as they have the luxury of being a little brother and a big brother!! All my boys share one room out of choice and often all end up in the same bed which is the cutest sight, we go camping which makes for great fun, cheap holidays (never ever thought I'd hear myself sounding pleased about camping) and I manage to squeeze them all into my little car. I like to think each one has a special bond - the eldest cos he was my first born, the middle because he's my 'worry child' and my youngest because he's my last. I agree with 'Iwish', because I knew No 3 was my last I really, really enjoyed every moment of each stage of baby to toddler to starting school - next week, eek!
You're in for a fun time grin

nknight85 Fri 14-Sep-12 15:50:47

A stressful time you mean lol, thank you for your advice

nknight85 Wed 19-Sep-12 15:48:24

Thanks everyone for your advice, I've had my implant out today, and so we've decided to try for a baby. So fingers crossed that it all goes well lol

surfingluby Thu 20-Sep-12 13:42:55

We've got 3 and number 4 on the way. 11 yr old DD and 8 yr old DD and DS (twins), we love it that much we decided to go for number 4 smile
Good luck whatever you decide to do smile

Gabbyell Fri 09-Nov-12 06:56:50

I'm on number 5 ( plus two step children) after 4th I was a little unsure if it was me done, I asked friends who already made there enough decision one at one child one at two one at four they all said the same thing that you know you really know when you last is your last, its like the switch moves over and the decision it made

During this pregnancy I know its my last there's no more for me I'm done so 5 is my number.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Fri 09-Nov-12 07:00:39

Mine are 8, 6 and 3, always thought I'd stop with the two boys, but have to say can't imagine life without DD! The boys love having a little sister.

Happy to stop at 3.

ExhaustTed Fri 09-Nov-12 22:37:25

I have three, ds1 is 4, ds2 is 2 and dd is 8 months. My sons were planned, and whilst my dd wasn't exactly planned, she wasn't a total surprise either. I am finding it really hard having three so small, particularly as my dd is a rubbish sleeper, however I echo the above posters who say its lovely having a little clan, and seeing them all together just melts your heart. I do hear that the first year with three is a bit of a nightmare but after that it gets better (I blooming hope so wink)
I don't think there will be a fourth, but mainly due to money and space. It makes me a little sad, but I do feel complete and very happy with 3.

sheeplikessleep Tue 13-Nov-12 17:24:48

DS1 is just 5 and DS2 is 3 in March.
We have just started ttc for DC3.
We've spent the last two years deciding. It's been like an itch that just won't go! My head says one thing, my heart says another. But to be honest, it just feels like there is a space at the table at the moment. 3 is definitely our 'limit' (although if it's twins we'd cope), but we just didn't have that 'finished' feeling that many of our friends talk about.
I am so excited now though! <Puts fingers in ears about the practicalities>

febel Thu 15-Nov-12 23:01:54

I too loved the magic 3..especially when they were younger. Teenagers not always so good!! I like it cos I felt more like a tribe, an entity, whatever you want to call it. Stopped at 3 (altho was gonna stop at 2!) some years ago cos of finance, house room and car room. Also v ill when pregnant and couldn't stnad it again..altho sometimes wish had 4 but don't think my body, mentally or physically could have stood it. Three IS hard work, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, but I never found it as hard as my first one! For me it was the best thing I could have done and I'm proud of them all!

CountingSparrows Fri 16-Nov-12 21:25:25

I am obsessing over this! Ds2 is 18mths, we're early 30's so no desperate rush but still... There is no logical reason to have another but I cannot stop thinking about it and feel so sad to think we might decide not to. However, genuinely not sure we would cope with 3.


gemma4d Fri 16-Nov-12 21:39:15

I'm standing in the "endlessly thinking about it" line too. Have a 4yo and a 1yo. It doesn't feel right with 2 - it feels like I should have 3. I really want 3.

I'm not so sure I want to go back to square one again though - morning sickness followed by waking in the night, crying, total dependency etc.

I also worry about the bedroom situation - 3 bed house. I know lots of kids share, but DD1 and 2 both go to bed at 7pm: DD1 doesn't go to sleep till 9:30+(arrrrggghhhhhhhhh) while DD2 can be asleep by 7:01.

McGillycuddy Fri 16-Nov-12 21:45:46

I am wrong person to ask! Have 2 would love 3, but keep putting off a decision. I had a very stressful pregnancy with my younger child and worry sometimes that by having 3rd I would be trying to 'recapture' something. But I guess it's a natural drive to want more babies........

barleysugar Fri 16-Nov-12 21:52:55

I have to say, three is absolutely marvellous. I think having a four year gap between the second and third was a master stroke! It's been lovely to have the baby all to myself while the other two are at school.

mumoftwoboysS Fri 23-Nov-12 20:26:01

I'm thinking about it too- a lot! Hubby wants to stop at 2 but I keep thinking about a third. We have 2 DS (3 1/2 and nearly 2) and I always thought two would be enough, till I started getting broody a few months back. I'm worried too about the cost/practicalities (sheeplikessleep like your quote 'puts fingers in ears about the practicalities'!) I feel like just going for it and not worrying about all that! But am worried about sleepless nights, bf (failed twice to bf properly) but what really decides it for me is more a long-term idea of having 3 kids, and big family gatherings when they're older etc. Having more than one sibling to get along with (I have 1 brother but am not that close with him)

Agree with others tho- you really don't need to rush your decision. I was 32 when I was pregnant with my first and will be 35/36 with my last, so you shouldn't worry about being too old till after you hit 35 -that's when it becomes more difficult (potentially) to conceive.

anyway good luck with your decision- I just wish I could now make mine! (or persuade my husband to just go for it!)

sheeplikessleep Mon 26-Nov-12 15:02:42

mumoftwoboys - I'm also putting fingers in my ears about being difficult to conceive after 35 (I'm 36 in May) ;)

Pippa2525 Sun 02-Dec-12 09:07:35

We are expecting #3 and I must admit I'm terrified. This one was a complete suprise as I was on the pill. But DH and I had been speaking about it for the future. 1-2 years int he future. Ds is 3 3/4 and dd is 23months so I'm really going to have my hands full but like everyone else I had that unfinished feeling. Like I still had more love to give lol so I guess it's just ment to have been this way :-) I really think you will be ok as we all manage don't we? I hope lol xx

christinecagney Sun 02-Dec-12 09:19:08

From talking to older women such as my aunties etc, its really a regret to not have had more babies if you wanted to. Practicalities aside, the unfinished feeling does not go away ever and is a pang of pain right through your life. If you want a third do it, they would say.

I had a third much later than my other two, for this reason. I was 39 and my other are teenagers.

I would say that the more children you have the more your parenting style has to be 'muddling through' and lowering your standards (housework, organic freshly cooked from scratch dinners ha ha not happening in this house as I work FT too)

ELR Thu 03-Jan-13 00:01:19

I am thinking about this too, but not sure.
I will be 36 in March so don't really want to leave it much longer. Although a lot of my friends have had 2nd in early 40 's.
DD is 10 and DS is 7 so it would be a biggish age gap. Would really love another but just not sure I can go back to the baby stage, the cant leave the house without a small suitcase full of everything you own apart from the things you need!
Actually I don't mind any of that, as i love the under three stage.

I've been thinking recently ooh great another 10 years and they will be leaving home and dh and I can go travelling and do whatever we want.

If I was the OP's age I would not hesitate.

MolotovCocktail Sun 06-Jan-13 21:21:45

I'm 30 and have 2 DDs: eldest is 4yo next month and DD2 is 8.5mo.

It took us 9 months to conceive DD1 and then 2 loooooooooong years and 6 Clomid cycles to conceive DD2. We started TTC again when DD1 was 7mo and I really wasn't prepared for how long it would take; I thought that I was going to lose my mind when trying for her because I knew that I wanted another baby. I've always wanted at least 2 children and am so happy that we have our 2 girls.

But maybe I'm one of those women who love being pregnant and having babies?? As DD2 is nearing crawling and that newborn-ness is quickly changing, I'm feeling a little broody. Friends who are announcing pregnancies now are making me feel a wee bit jealous ... but I'm absolutey terrified of trying again because I can't face the 'trying' bit. Also can't decide whether a large age gap or a smaller age gap between DD2 and another child is preferable ... If it's going to happen for me, I think I'd need a 'happy accident'.

Love this thread, btw. Really valuable discussion smile

mumoftwoboysS Mon 07-Jan-13 08:54:29

sheeplikessleep - I feel EXACTLY the same. Just like an itch and my heart is also fighting with my head. One day I think I REALLY want another, the next I feel panic with the thought of stretching things financially, 2 kids in 1 room etc. And then the worry about starting over like you gemma4d the pregnancy, lack of sleep etc. Also sleeping arrangements- mine both go to bed around 7 but every time we've tried to put them in the same room they just won't sleep- youngest just stands in his cot and the other keeps talking to him! But when I think of a gorgeous newborn baby and adding to our family I just think it would complete us. Don't feel 'finished' yet either. But hubby isn't so that's my dilemma at the moment, working on him.

I'm 36 in Feb too so thinking about that ticking clock...

cq Mon 07-Jan-13 08:58:04

Nobody ever regrets having another baby, despite some difficult moments.

Plenty of people regret NOT having had another one and realising too late. Including me sad.

mumoftwoboysS Mon 07-Jan-13 09:11:04

just realised I posted in Nov and have practically re-written the same thing again! (and can't blame baby brain with my youngest being 23 months!) anyway just shows I'm still broody 2 months on!

My mum said the same thing about not regretting it- if you feel like you want another it may be hard for a few years coping with 3 small kids but you'll have years of happiness with them and I love the idea of having 3 kids when I'm older and when they're adults -all those big family gatherings. Maybe it's because I come from quite a small family...

make sure you all post updates-I'm hoping I'll be posting on here in a few months with news that we're trying (once I've persuaded hubby!)

Sovemus Mon 07-Jan-13 16:52:10

I always had three in my head. Think it is nice for the children to have more than one sibling both growing up and when they get older. Would have regretted not trying for a third although had to convince my husband who had two in his head. Managed to convince him and got pregnant straight away - with TWINS!!!! Now mum to four under four. Was a shock but still wouldn't change it so I say go for it. You'll regret not but be prepared you might get more than you bargain for!!

workingonitagain Mon 07-Jan-13 20:53:54

mumoftwoboysS that is what i was thinking that it would be hard for the first few years but that there would be so many happy years after.
ds1 is 3 and ds2 is 15 month and it took me unitl now to feel how i felt with with ds1 when i thought im doing ok and feel happy and relaxed with things i want another one so im thinking the same now and predicting it must take about the first year and a half to really struggle then things start to get easier hmm that's just my prediction it might be completely wrong and i wake up tomorrow and my hair will be in the air panincing i don't want to do this grin

BlackholesAndRevelations Mon 07-Jan-13 22:26:48

Sovemus: that would be my dream come true! Three pregnancies but a nice even number of children! grin

I just miscarried dc3 so am a little obsessed with threads like this as I'm keen to get back on with ttc. Would have had a 23 month age gap between Dcs 2 and 3 which sounds perfect. However as I'm being treated for PND (just about at weaning off medication stage) I've been advised to hold off for a few months. Boo sad

missyp1986 Tue 08-Jan-13 01:24:59

I have seven kid's and the eldest has just turned nine, so they all have really small age gaps....boy it's hard but it's nice seeing how close they all are x

workingonitagain Tue 08-Jan-13 13:19:21

BlackholesAndRevelations i went through exactly the same and would have had exactly the same age gap between ds2 and dc3 although i wasn't aware of it at the time i think i had prenatal depression (never knew it existed until i read about it). although i'd like to try again dps work is a lot of pressure right now and is away a lot and he is worried how i'd cope if we got pregnant again(and i do as well) so i think we'll hold out until may which will probably save my sanity in terms of a bigger age gap but a bit worried that the third one would be left out hmm

mumoftwoboysS Tue 08-Jan-13 13:41:41

'BlackholesAndRevelations* so sorry to hear you MC, hope you're doing ok. I think an age gap of up to 3 years is still close so you may still have them fairly close together?

I'm worried that could happen -after all MC aren't that unusual, and worried if that happened then OH wouldn't want to keep trying, but I shouldn't worry about something that hasn't happened yet I suppose. Had an 'accident' the other night (well hubby being lazy) and I'm SO hoping it turns into a proper 'accident'! but was day after my period so I guess chances are slim... though if I did get pregnant and all this 'daydreaming' turned into reality I think i'd be a bit scared! oh well, we'll see...

rubberglove Tue 08-Jan-13 21:46:06

I am 33 and have a 6 and 3 year old. Dh and I agonise over whether to have another, it is getting me down, the indecision.

I think of all the things I can do if I stop now, but my heart won't let it go.i

Sasparillo Tue 15-Jan-13 14:50:23

Rubber glove, I feel the same as you! I'm agonising over the decision to have number 3! My youngest is only 1 so we wouldn't start trying for at least another 1.5 years but I litterally can't stop thinking about it already! My partner has actually agreed to having another so that's not the issue, I just want to be able to give my kids the time erc they deserve, I'm not sure that's possible with 3 or more kids??

mummc2 Thu 24-Jan-13 10:10:38

Rubberglove im with you i am 32 and have 2 DDs aged 8 and 5 and am thinking about wether to give up or have one more. I always said I wanted one, my hubby said two... but we always wanted a boy aswell and i know chances are it will be another girl cant get it out of my mind. Financially i think we would be ok but my hubby is 40 aswell so starting again would be hard and was looking forward to enjoying life when they get older but it keeps niggling away at me to have another........or STOP?????!!!

BlackholesAndRevelations Sat 26-Jan-13 00:07:13

Thanks, I'm fine now just about! Have totally thrown caution to the wind though, and seeing what happens! smile we so wanted that little bean.

Harrysmummysarah1 Sat 26-Jan-13 17:33:26

I have three dd-7 .dd-4 and ds-11 months.
I found that ds have a sense of completion to our family . Would want another but wouldn't be able to cope or afford 4 and love the three we have.

BlackholesAndRevelations Thu 07-Feb-13 20:58:55

Well.. Must be mad but we've managed to conceive again straight away! I so hope this is a keeper. Feel scared about the potential of miscarriage again but have come off the ads (though suffering a bit from withdrawal symptoms...)

workingonitagain Thu 07-Feb-13 21:25:36

Wow congrautulation BlackholesAndRevelations you must be super fertile smile Fingers and Toes crossed for you x

mumoftwoboysS Thu 07-Feb-13 21:57:20

Blackholesandrevelations hope it all goes smoothly for you this time! fingers crossed. I'm still in the process of working on OH for #3. So impatient but I've at least got him thinking of what it would be like with 3 and he's thinking of moving the office upstairs to the garage (to make a room free for DC3??) lets hope so!...

morescribbles Fri 08-Feb-13 00:05:17

We never had three, we tried for three and got four, then five. Lovely to hear that you have decided to ttc. Wishing you lots of luck.

dilys4trevor Wed 06-Mar-13 13:44:23

This is great to read as I have just posted a similar message in the Pregnancy section (probably the wrong place). I wondered if anyone on here who did 3+ had three c sections? I am 38, have two boys and think we will ttc.

mylittlemonkey Wed 06-Mar-13 17:01:02

I have just had my 2nd DS and am already thinking about having another!! I have always had 3 in my head and am one of 5 and have always loved being part of a larger family and really want all the benefits of that for my kids. I am 36 this year and DH will be 45 this year and so he is more reluctant although I think if I said I really really wanted another he would probably agree. I want it to be something we both want though. If we did have a 3rd we would have to get on with it pretty quickly though because of DH's age. It would therefore also mean I would probably have to give up work after DC3 for a few years as the cost of childcare for 3 would not be worth it. This would obviously have an big impact on us financially although we would manage. I also feel like others that it would be a big commitment to go from 2 DC to 3 and would be particularly difficult for the first 3-4 years of DC3's life although i know in the long term it would be worth it. I have had 2 c sections and so would have to have one with the third I think as I don't think my hospital will let you have a natural birth after 2 c sections. Think I need to stop obsessing and enjoy DS2 for the moment and then revisit the idea in a few months time!!

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