he kicked my stepdaughter

[jomum74]

my 9yr old stepdaughter came to our house last night as normal and told us that her mums partner had kicked her hard in the bottom/top leg area for smirking at her after he told her off. she was very upset . we are not sure what to do she has asked us not to say anything because she feels better that she has told us but is very frightened because she was told not to tell us and will get told off for doing so. my husband has a bad relationship with his ex wife (she left him for this man) and we know she will deny it all and the usual smoke screen will go up. I dont really know what to do because at the end of the day she is my husband and his ex wives daughter and not mine but what if something worse happens next time. he has hit them before for being cheeky and we know that they have a very volitile relationship. has anyone any advice shouldnt we contact the police or a solicitor or something??? i dont want to break her confidence and my husband is quite the ostrich. please help!! thanks

[clam]

Wow. Gosh, what a tricky one.
I'm sorry, but have nothing constructive to say but didn't want you to go unacknowledged. Will have a think and come back...

[jomum74]

ta hard init..

[edam]

Clam's right, this is really difficult. How about phoning the NSPCC or Childline and seeing what they suggest?

[jomum74]

thats a good idea will try its the whole can of worms thing though isnt it anyone got the handbook??

[starshaker]

If i were you i would keep her confidence this time for the only reason that if you break it she may not tell you if something else were to happen. Keep a note of this and if she tells you something else has happened then you can act on it

[edam]

Good point from starshaker. Important that she feels able to trust you. But you can call Childline without breaking her confidence.

Might be worth making sure she understands what he did was wrong and that any reasonable adult would think it was wrong. And giving HER the number for Childline - get her to memorise it. And tell her she can always phone you (plural) if she's ever upset or frightened.

[mankymummymoo]

I would speak to her and explain that she can always come to you, but that this man is behaving like a bully in school.

Personally, I would respect her wish to keep quiet (unless of course things escalate or it becomes a regular thing) but remind her that nothing will change, ie. his behaviour will not change, unless something is done about it. The longer it goes on the more he will think he can get away with it.

Poor little girl, thank god she has a safe person she can talk to though.

[Hassled]

I'm sorry but I don't think you should take the wait and see approach. A child has told you that someone has physically assaulted her, someone in a position of trust, and you already know that he's hit her before - you can't do nothing. Ring the NSPCC and see what they say.

[ThatVikRinA22]

i was once in your step daughters position and i was also very frightened about what would happen if i spoke up. this was 20 some years ago, and social services did get involved but im afraid they were next to useless, i hope things are different now,

i would definitely get some professional impartial advice from the NSPCC. i would also sit your step daughter down and ask her if she is happy with them, if he has done anything before etc, how she is treated generally etc.

my SF really hated me and it showed in his every action. id hate to think she might go through what i did for so many years.

[CarGirl]

Make sure you make a note of it, date, time, is their a bruise/mark etc - take a photo of it? Encourage her to confide in you /ring childline/talk to a teacher at school too.

Any chance she would be allowed to spend more/most of her time with you?

[clam]

Hi, am back.
You're position is doubly difficult in that your DH has his head in the sand and also that you'll always be seen as "only" the interfering stepmother who it's "got nothing to do with." Technically, I guess, you have no rights.
But equally, how can you sit back and do nothing?
Well, whatever else happens, you can reassure her that she always has an ear with you (and her father of course) and a place of safety whenver she needs or wants it.
I was playing out the scenario in my head of your DH hitting the roof and insisting to his ex that DSD move in with you straightaway and saying that's non-negotiable until this step-father is off the scene (or whatever). Let her (ex) call the social services or whoever if she wants, and then the alleagations will be logged officially and the SF has to explain them. At the very least he might keep his fists and feet to himself in future.
But I'm guessing your DH won't do that. And the softly-softly approach might put your DSD at more risk.

Sorry, not much help really. That poor child.

[nickschick]

If I were you I think Id encourage your stepdaughter to speak to a teacher at school possibly even phone them yourself and explain what shes told you.

Id also tell your step daughter that she can tell you anything she needs to but as a measure of your love for her you will guide her to where is the best place of support rather than you and her Dad going in all guns blazing.

Poor little girl -bet you feel like kicking him.