To snip or not to snip....

[KatnKankles]

DH

I'm 38 weeks pregnant with my 4th DC, DH and I are 30, this is his second child. I had DS (13) and DD1(11) when I was still a teenager then met DH and we had DD2 who is 6. We are having another DD and are pretty sure we are finished.

DH is more than happy to have a vasectomy, he was happy to have no more when we had dd2 so he's not an issue really. It's me. I want to take away the option of having any more children. I started so young and I get so broody once they start school I don't think I can trust myself not to want another one in 5 or so years.

This pregnancy has made me realise that would be stupid as it's been pretty awful and the DCs have suffered with me not being able to get out etc...

I know if I nagged DH enough in a few years he would give in and have another one (he's an amazing Dad but is more practical than me ) this is why I need to have the decision taken away from me, I would never be so selfish as to make him have the op then put him through a reversal so it really would be IT. I adore my DC's.. it really is the whole pregnancy thing that puts me off having anymore.

He is waiting for a referral. It will probably be a couple of months yet so I have a while to decide, I think I have made my mind up that he should have it done...

Has anyone done this and regretted it? Any thoughts would be welcome.

[gumblossom]

Hi Kat, We had a vasectomy in 2000, then in 2004 I started feeling broody.The feeling came out of the blue because I'd had four kids and when DH had the vas we were both certain we were done.

When I started feeling broody again (after a late AF and negative test,felt extremely disappointed)I tried to put the feeling away - tried to be logical, but in fact could not shake the feeling.It was really illogical and strange.It may have been because I was nearing 40. My Dh was still sure that four was enough. I never did shake the feeling and actually became a bit depressed.Eventually (after three years) my Dh decided to have the reversal(in 2007).

It is the best thing we could have done. At least we knew we'd given it a chance.And luckily for us, after 7 months ttc we got our darling little boy. He is 8 years younger than our forth, but it has been great having older siblings to help out and honestly I love seeing how they interact with them, and my DH who is amazing with him.I was 41 when I had him and have no regrets.It was my best pregnancy out of all of them, I think because he was so wanted.

Now I'm hoping for another! It sounds mad, but I'd love him to have a sibling close in age.But if it doesn't happen, that is fine too.

If anyone asks me about a vasectomy I always suggest that they wait at least until their youngest is 2. I must admit it was very easy contraceptive wise but the feeling of sadness and regret was awful.It should be considered permanent, because not all reversals work.

Good Luck with your decision.

[KatnKankles]

Hmm thanks for that GUM. I know how strong the broody feeling can get... it becomes all consuming, I've been there, particularly before this pregnancy.

Maybe I should get a coil for a while after this one arrives to give me some time to think about it some more....

[sweetkitty]

hi kat

After this one is born DP is getting booked in, I know I will get broody again but I am going to read our antenatal thread about how bad this pregnancy has been, I simply cannot be pregnant again.

If you are REALLY unsure as you say get the coil for a few years

[Northernlurker]

I definately think that it's not a good choice to make in late pregnancy or when your baby is very young.
We went for it when dd3 was 1 but as she was our much planned third child and dd1 was 10 at that point it seemed to both of us that we'd had a good shot at it. She is now 3 and I've never had a moments broodiness since and would be dismayed to be pregnant again so it's working well for us. I do think the broodiness will return at some point but I think it's really important to distingusih between being broody and actually wanting another child. A bit of broodiness doesn't mean you want another child or that a vasectomy is the wrong choice for you. We all have to call a halt somewhere for practical and emotional reasons. Give yourself a while to make sure you're not missing a needed dc and then pack dh off to be brave

[expatinscotland]

If YOU are the one who doesn't want to have any more children, ever, then you should be the one to be sterilised.

Otherwise, no, don't do it.

The two of you need to be 100% you, each individually, never ever want to create another child, regardless of what happens in either of your lives.

If not, then get a coil or implant or Depo, etc.

'We' did not have a vasectomy. My husband did. We have three together. He doesn't want anymore, ever.

I didn't, either, but the op was far greater for me and neither of us wanted any more ever, so he went for it.

But there's no 'we' had a tubal/vasectomy anymore than 'we' had an appendectomy.

It happens to one person's body. And that person needs to be 100% he/she never wants any more children.

[Mumcentreplus]

totally agree expat...my DH has a vasectomy (we have 2 girls)and he had to do this on his own terms..at the end of the day its down to the person its 'happening' to..

[KatnKankles]

I agree expat. DH is happy not to have anymore children ever, he wouldn't have it done otherwise. I'm not forcing him into it!! He just came back from the GP's last week and asked me to think about it some more as he knows what I'm like and he doesn't want me getting all broody and miserable in a few years time.

DH would have been happy to stop after our dd2.

I just know if he didn't have the operation and I nagged him enough in a few years he might give in!!

I would be happy to have my tubes tied if I nd up with a section but it's unlikely I will and ultimitely it's easier for him to have it done as it's less invasive.

[sorky]

My Dh has had it done. He's had some minor complications which aren't pleasant, but on the whole it's been worth it.

My last pg saw me unable to walk for the last 12 weeks and subsequently unable to care for my other 3 kids on my own. Dh had to save all holiday to drop down to 3 days a week at work and family/friends helped with the rest of the days.
My body will not cope with another pg, so it was the best permanent option really.
His op was easier than mine, it's essentially what it came down to.

I would definitely wait until no.4 is about 2yo before he has it done, just in case. He had it done when dd2 was 6mo because we just couldn't risk me being broody when she got to 11mo (which I always do).

[allbie]

Okay, here we go! We had a vasectomy and all tests said it had worked. Seven years later it had failed and we went onto have ds. And no, i did not have an affair! Dh went on to have it done again, under general anaesthetic this time and i went on to be sterilized too!Ds was 4th and has been the most fantastic addition to our family. The older kids have learnt alot from having him and he has brought so much joy. Sadly we couldn't sue the surgeon because the paper work has a disclaimer!