4 children- is it right? how do you cope

[PoppyC]

Am just about to have first baby and have always had fantasies of very large family, (preferably 4) maybe because I am an only child.

So if you have lots of kids do you manage ok? is it hard getting all their needs met?
Or even if you were one of many, do the benefits outweigh the cons?

Just to point out this isn't a pressing issue for me right now, just wondering!

[BooyhooNOTboohoooORbooyou]

just get the first one out of the way and then see how you feel

[humptyismarriedtoanumpty]

Hi poppy
I am expecting dc3 any day now. I would say that you should wait and see how you get on with 1 before you worry about it too much.
It's hard to know how things will turn out and how you will react to parenthood.

If I was you, I would chill out and concentrate on number 1 and enjoy him/her first and see what the future holds.

[FabIsGettingThere]

What Booyhoo said.

We haven't had the amount we hoped too.

[GardenPath]

Hi PoppyC, I'm with Booyhoo. I had six and it was BLOODY HARD WORK! (Did I emphasise that enough?)
However, they all had a great time - they tell me - (I was too knackered to notice) - and were happy and are still close now. They're all grown up now - eldest 36 and youngest 14 - first 4 very close in age, 5 year gap then 10 year gap to the last - and I mean last.
Lots of tears, fights, giggles, cuddles, mischief, adventures, disasters, accidents, noise, music, millions of friends, fights over the bathroom, sharing, not sharing, pets ad nauseum (house infested with escaped and breeding gerbals) and lots and lots of laughter (though probably hysteria in my case).
Gap years traveling and coming back with (thankfully, only) dreadlocks, driving tests, car insurance, angst, mobile phones, boyfriends/girlfriends, motorbikes (eeek), sex 'n' drugs 'n' rock 'n' roll - then, when they get to Secondary school....(just kidding).

For me: cooking and washing on industrial scale (though they'd do their own when older), garage (still) full of bikes/skate/surfboards/fishing stuff/boxes of books (and other rubbish they don't want to throw away but don't want in their houses), taxi on demand, all the housework, teenage strops and ten years off my life - phew! Have you really thought this through?
All in all, I wouldn't be without them (but I wouldn't do it again).

[juuule]

Gardenpath - but did you ever get bored?

[fidelma]

poppy I wanted 4 when I was pregnant.I am also an only one so the desire to have a big family was great.

I now have 4.

I agree with Gardenpath we have all of the above but haven't got to secondary school yet.Also it was rabbits breading not gerbils !!

Seriously it is wonderful but soo soooo HARD.
My back is breaking from carring the babies (to much ballet) and I have hardly had a full nights sleep in 10 years !!!

Enjoy your bundle of joy.

[GardenPath]

Bored? Oh, all the time - how d'ya think I ended up with six kids?! ('The Scream' smiley here)

[lynnexxxo]

I've got four kids. I never really seen myself as one of those people who wanted loads of kids. We hda two boys, and decided to try again and (hopefully) get a girl. And we got twin girls!

So my boys are (nearly) 6, 3 and 10 month old twins. It is hard work. Despite my best attempts my house is always a bit of a disaster. My twins don't get those lovely little booties that most babies get. If they are lucky there socks match.

It is a total juggling act and often I feel that I'm letting them all down by not having enough time for each of them. Then occasionally I hear them all laughing together and realise that what they lack in one to one parenting having 3 siblings makes up for it.

Practically things are difficult - I do take them places myself like the soft play and stuff but its not ideal as my 3 year old still needs help to go to the loo so I have to leave my 5 year year old in charge of the babies (he actually likes this though). It is much easier if you have a helper!

We still go on holiday, we were at center parcs a few weeks ago but it was well hard work. The swimming was difficult with the babies (they kept ducking themselves!).

For our summer holiay we are taking my mum and MIL in the hope of it being a bit more relaxing.

That said I wouldn't change them for the world. It will get easier as the babies get older (i hope)!!!!

[4andnotout]

I have 4 children although I had initally bot wanted any but after dd1 it was a bit "in for a penny in for a pound"

I think the more you have the easier it gets as you are more experianced, some days are just harder than others!
Ime the only negative thing is the amount of bloody washing I have to do, I think I'm on my 4th load today and there is still a stack to do

[CantSupinate]

I have 4, it hasn't gotten easier as I went along, sadly -- much harder, if anything! I really hate being the family skiivy (was somehow too dim to anticipate that).

I most miss out on having a decent support system; what I mean is, I don't have friends or family who are really 'there' for me day to day. I would say that most large families I see do have a lot of family support they can call on at short notice. That must be bliss!!

I suppose the extreme case of only-child-who-got-carried-away-with-fantasy-of-large-families is Nadia Suleman.... just be careful what you get yourself into.

[accessorizequeen]

If you're the kind of person who thrives on mess, chaos and noise then go for it. Otherwise stick to 2 (or even 1). Very stressful if you are not that kind of person as you really need to chill out with several children. I am not that kind of person, I do not chill out and thus I find it pretty hard going at times. They're all delicious though
Like lynn, I have 6, 3 and then 18mo twins so got stuck a bit there having 4 when wasn't sure about 3 really! Yes, Lynn gets loads easier in many respects when twins older, lovely now they''re walking but OMG still such hard work! Arggghhhh the washing.

[bronze]

I have 4. I find that th emore you have the way you view things changes, priorities change and so I do as much we 4 as I did with 3.
The only thing I really struggle with is the mountaisn of laundry

and now Ive gone back and read 4 and not out has said what I was trying to say...completely

[4madboys]

i have four and am preg with no 5! it is hard work but its also a great deal of fun

mine are 10, 7, 5 and just 2yrs so i have reasonable age gaps between them.

the housework is a pita, i am constantly picking up, tidying, putting away, cleaning etc, but thats more my choice i like things to be fairly tidy.

cooking we had to get a bigger saucepan, frying pan etc to cook the large quantities of pasta etc as the boys eat loads

as i have all boys i hand down clothes/toys etc and we just make sure we budget carefully so we can afford treats like trips aaway, school trips, cinema etc. dp and myself dont get treats very often, but the kids are only young once, we will have time once they have all left home etc.

tho we do make sure they are all in bed by a reasonable time so we get the evenings to oursevles and occasionally have the treat of a take away once they are in bed!

i think its like any family, some days everything runs smoothly and its fine, other days are total chaos, but at the end of the day i love them all to bits and wouldnt have it any other way

[4andnotout]

4madboys makes
a very good point regarding bedtimes, I like mine all in bed by 8 so that we have the rest of the evening to tidy relax

[4madboys]

yep bedtimes are sacred in this house, all boys in bed by 7:30-8pm so then we can tidy and then enjoy the peace! makes a big difference, esp if i am feeling frazzled by 5pm i know bedtime isnt far away!

[agasarecool]

I have 4, with no 5 due in july.

I second the washing.. it never bloody ends. And I hate the size of saucepan I have to use when I'm cooking, I know its a weird thing but I would love to be able to use a normal saucepan.

But I would not swap it for the world.

[MillyMollyMoo]

I should have had one (am about to be a mother of 4).
As long as you don't mind mess, chaos, no money, no hobbies of your own and having sex twice a year if you're lucky it's great
Wouldn't send any of them back but it is exhausting.

[GardenPath]

Hmmm, MMM send 'em back? Darn it, I didn't keep the receipt!
Yes, bed in good time is essential (if you can manage it) for your own sanity.
Not sure what the 'norm' is for young children these days, but when mine were young life seemed to revolve around the 'public space' in the house, particularly the kitchen, unless they were doing homework or reading (all voracious readers). As they got older, into their teens, having their own space was a sanity-saver for me, too. Shared bedrooms for the most part of course, but they liked a bit of privacy and somewhere to take friends.
It's an absolute doddle to only have the one at home now but I find there are different problems these days, and the dreaded Xbox is one. My older kids were always out and about, doing what country kids do (scrumping and cow-shit fights!)and playing/socialising with other kids in the village. DS6 however spends far too much time in front of the screen - not something that presented itself as a problem before (pre-computers, can you believe it?). It's no good trying to shoo him out to find mates to play with as they're all doing it too, so it's pointless to ban it - I have this conversation with his mates' mums and they're concerned too. We all say we wouldn't mind so much if the damn games were educational, (they'd all be genius' by now the time they spend on them), though Assassins Creed is set in Renaissance Italy as I understand, and Da Vinci has a bit part. (Mind you, the graphics are amazing).
This is one of the brilliant things about having (lots of) siblings - they always have someone to talk to/play with and they certainly learn how to socialise/get on or alternatively, stick up for themselves. And while mine had their moments, they were also a source of support for each other (mostly against me! LOL). Only wish there were such a support network for mum!
Holidays? Forget it! Could never afford a paid for holiday - I spent much of the time as a single parent - but they were at least lucky enough to have Grandparents who lived in the Welsh mountains.

4madboys - rod of iron, girl! Friend of mine has 8! And she had the first four in a caravan - (traditional gypsy/travelers though very wealthy and now 'settled').

[Jo5677]

Hi, i have 5 children, a daughter 12 and has quad cp, so fully disabled, a daughter who will soon turn 11, a son who is 8 and has ASD, a son who is 6 and a daughter who is almost 2.

I wouldn't change a thing about my family, i would take away my childrens disabilities for their sake (my daughter always says how much she wishes she could just stand up, never mind walk),and i feel so sad for my son sometimes seeing him struggle to do what the rest of us take for granted.
Anyway they're a great group.

People assume it must be chaos and mess in my house lol but i can honestly say it really isn't. Though it can get a bit noisy when the kids are having fun together

Storage is important in our house, as it makes it easy for the kids to help out tidying up and putting their stuff away. I'm also big on the one toy out at a time rule.

Bedtimes i find essential, the kids never argue with me about it as they've never known any different except on hols or special occassions. The kids share rooms so often chat for a while but as long as they don't get out of bed i don't mind.

Cooking is done on an idustrial scale (as is laundry) and they all eat the same meal, they also all sit at the table together to eat. Thats pretty fun actually as i eat later when my husband gets home. I stand washing up the pans etc as they sit and chat and i get to hear all the gossip from their day at school.

Homework is the other big thing in our house, they often scoul at me but i make them do it as soon as they get it, and i make sure they don't rush it as i never want their school work to suffer as a result of being part of a big family.

It can get hard at times and the only support i have is my husband and my Mum but they both work fulltime. The main difficulty i have is that we always have to consider when we go out if a place will be suitable for our daughter who is in a wheelchair.
We mostly holiday at Center Parcs in Nottingham because it's so wheelchair friendly yet it allows the other children to still be able to enjoy lots of physical activities.

For me anyway the good far out weighs the bad. The kids might squabble at times but they love having each other, 3 of them are all at the same school and they love it. At home they've always got each other to play games with and i'm very proud of all of them

Thats my take on having our large family anyway, our family dynamics are probably a bit different due to 2 of the children having disabilities. I could think of the negatives this could have had on our family but far from that, it has brought so many possitives, the kids have learnt compassion from an early age and empathy, i feel very lucky to have them all.

[matumble]

im an only child a and dh is the eldest of 4, we have planned 4 all along and currently have 3(5,3 on Sunday,9months), deciding when to ttc number 4. so far nothing in having 3 has put us off going on and having another. I do need to get more organised as added to the chaos of the kids we are a forces family so DH could dissapear with little notice and we move frequently but then i just put my disorganisation down to a learning curve, and a little bit of laziness if im honest. i am much better both at parenting and housework now with 3 than i was with 1 so i am improving and learning all the time. i fit more in and still my house is better than it was when dd1 (5) was a baby.
please excuse typing, feeding dd3

[mackerel]

I've got four. It's fun, choatic and noisy and I wouldn't have it any other way. they get lots out of each other and that ocmpensates for us being a bit stetched sometimes. but the laundry...I swear one day I'll be found buried under a mountain of dirty clothes.

[matumble]

mackerel or anyone else, how do you keep on top of it, no matter how i try to do it, communal laundry bin, individual laundry bin, hoist it all down the stairs (that one really does run the risk of me being buried) i never seem to get on top of it and someone is always complaining they cant find underwear, has anyone got a foolproof system for making sure everyone has something to wear? again this situation is not helped by dh's military kit!

[4andnotout]

I have only really got into the swing of keeping up with laundry since new year as it was my resolution to fold
everything as soon as it comes off the line or out of the drier, it then gets sorted into each individuals piles and then put away as we are putting the children to bed, I have given up ironing unless
it is a dire emergency!

[mackerel]

Nope. No system at all. Usually DSs -oldest- wakes me at 6 saying where's my tshirt, shorts, sweatshirt, boxers etc and he has to rummage in the tumble drier, ironing basket(ha, ha, ha just fell off my chair laughing)etc.

I've given up ironing. They only scrunch up the clothes in their drawers or dress up teddies etc in them if I iron them. They all put dirty clothes in one big family laundry basket and then I wash, fold and put away every evening when they are having a bath. I hate all the underwaer. there's just SO MUCH of it. does it breed in my washing machine. I fold socks for hours. If you had to count up how many minutes you spend doing various jobs over your lifetime my minutes spent pairing socks would be depressingly massive.

[matumble]

I gave that up years ago, any ironing in this house is dh job as he has to iron his kit anyway! sorry OP for hijacking if i could find the magic spell to keeping on top of laundry my house would run soooo much better!