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What do other people buy as presents for your DC?

10 replies

happysmiley · 23/02/2010 20:15

DH has just had a big row with SIL. Basically she is saying that he doesn't care about his nephews and neices because he doesn't buy enough presents for them. His feeling is that given that there are six of them, they can't all get big presents for every birthday, every Christmas and every time he visits, which is what SIL seems to expect.

Altogether he spends about £200-300 a year on them, but all at Christmas, so that they can get something decent rather than lots little presents that will quickly be forgotten. I think that is relatively generous but equally, I think that if SIL had a smaller family, we'd probably still spend the same amount in total but each would get more.

What do your DCs' uncles and aunts do for presents? Is there an expectation that the more DC there are, the more that should be spent, or is the amount fixed and spread more thinly? Interested to know what others do, as I think DH is being perfectly fair (obviously, given he is my DH ) and SIL is being a cheeky mare!

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mummyofexcitedprincesses · 23/02/2010 20:28

She is being greedy and grasping imo. Does she know that presents don't equate love? She sounds incredibly materialistic and I hope her children don't follow in her footsteps. Sadly, they probably will. I would probably stop buying presents at all, or buy them a goat for a family in Africa next time.

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Idontknowhowtohelpher · 23/02/2010 20:36

I had a bit of a row with db over something similar. We have 3 children, he has 1. He thought that if he got 3 pressies @ £10 each for ours, we should spend £30 on his
We quite often don't spend that much on ours, being pretty broke, and it seemed to take all the pleasure out of giftbuying. (He also asks for cash for his child, so it is obvious how much we are giving )

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happysmiley · 23/02/2010 20:44

I'm still trying to be fair as we haven't really established if she'd like us to buy lots of smaller presents (mark each birthday, something small when we visit etc) and forego the big xmas pressie, or whether she is after more big pressies. Still hoping it's the former.

Think the problem is twofold. Five or six years ago, DH would buy presents for xmas, bdays and each visit, but as more children have been born, the cost started getting out of hand and the one big present compromise was reached.

But as well as there being more children, the older the children get the more expensive their requests get. The colouring-in pads and crayons just don't cut it any more.

At the moment DH is so furious that he's threatening no more presents until SIL phones up and apologises. SIL is not the type to say sorry so in a way hoping that DH backs down, as it's not really very fair for the kids. But then equally hoping that he stands firm as I'm not keen on SIL's latest bullying style.

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happysmiley · 23/02/2010 21:21

idontknow, how did you and your db resolve it?

To be honest, I don't care if she goes for the £50 each or the £300 between all of them option with our kids. I can see the arguement both ways, and to be honest, it's not really something I can get worked up about.

It's more a case of between kids one and four, the amount we spent went up with each new child, but since five was born we've capped it. Just wanted to get an idea of whether this was normal for larger families, or if other uncles and aunts in similar positions had taken a different approach.

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Idontknowhowtohelpher · 23/02/2010 22:26

We didn't really resolve it. It all got a bit childish and point scoring . We tend to spend more on his child than on our other nieces and nephews - but somewhat begrudge it................
I think you have been very generous in the past. I don't think presents every time you visit should be automatic - who wants to be greeted with "What have you bought me?"
I don't know how old all the children in your families are, but do you have a tradition of stopping presents at 18? With one final larger present as the child comes of age? That works quite well in our family.

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happysmiley · 24/02/2010 12:42

Agree with you in that I wouldn't want to feel forced to buy more for one set of nephews and neices than other sets. My DSis doesn't have children yet but I can see how it would happen as I just can't see her being so forthright about what presents we should get her kids as SIL is.

Presents when we went round arose because they live far away and we only visit once, maybe twice a year, and would take something small for the kids to share (eg game between them). But that doesn't work as well now because the kids are further apart in age and don't share the same interests.

I do like the idea that we stop when they hit 18. Sadly I can see a situation where SIL expects us to start giving cash to subsidise their university education if we don't clamp down on it.

I'm not painting a very nice picture of her I know, but part of me thinks that maybe she feels bad for her younger kids but she just isn't very good at expressing it. I know she feels that GPs and uncles and aunts didn't get as excited after the first couple and that the younger ones don't get as much "stuff" as the first couple did when they were young. We do buy new baby presents every time but probably don't go to town as much as we used to, but to be honest it's just too costly. The alternative is that the elder kids get less but I think they'd notice it more.

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bigcar · 24/02/2010 19:56

happy, that sounds more than generous to me In our family at christmas and birthdays it's normal for everyone to spend between £5 and £10 on neices and nephews, my dcs are just as happy with one of those big tins of choccie biscuits to share, suits all ages that one! Tis very cheeky to expect any gift, let alone expensive ones.

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CarGirl · 24/02/2010 20:01

Perhaps stop gifts at 16 so the younger ones get their turn????

If I was asked if my dc were only going to get one present a year from an aunt or uncle then I'd rather they got it for their birthday as it's their special day IYSWIM. We're the ones with 4 dc and with SIL who only has 2 we've stopped doing Christmas presents - we spend Christmas day together at PILs and buy for birthdays.

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Chrysanthamum · 24/03/2010 20:31

We spend £10-£20 0n our neices and nephews for birthdays and christmas gifts and you can get really sweet thoughtful gifts for even less. I tell my family to get wee things for our dc as we have 3 and are fast running out of space.
I think your sil has a real cheek.

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bronze · 28/03/2010 14:59

We have a set amount for each child regardless of how many children there are. You can never make the costs fair for the adults but you can for the children.

For example my dhs nieces are quite a bit older than our children so for a few years we were buying them presents but had no children of our own. There are two of them. Now we have four. I'm not sure how we should have divided costs according to people like ops sil and i dontknows bd and should it then change after we've been 'paid back'.

We spend about 15 for birthdays and 10-15 for christmas for every child. It only stops when they reach 18.

It is hard with a larger family though as there is always the guilt and protectivneess you feel for the younger ones as other people just arent excited in the same way.
Example when dc41 was born he received over £500, when dc4 was born he got less than £30. But life just isnt fair so I try to balance it out myself rather than putting pressure on anyone else

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