How do u keep romance alive when u r drowning in a sea of kids?

[handmedownqueen]

I have five. 2. 4 8 11 13. Problem is that seven o'clock watershed is long gone when I put em in bed and sit down with DH. Now we r surrounded by kids till nearly ten o clock and at times I'm in bed before them. Our relationship really suffering. Weekends, evenings all full on with activities. Plus we both have demanding jobs to fund the whole shebang!

Any tips from others about how to claw time back would be useful. The toddlers and teeenagers in The same house is hard work

[Openbook]

No help available from grandparents? I think you need more adults involved here if you want to free up a bit of space for yourselves. Close friends? Dare i say a bit of paid help ( may not be an option of course). You may have taken great pride in being super mum but now you should own up to needing help. A friend with 5 kids also had grandparents involved and a work at home partner and kept her head above water that way.

[Openbook]

i do take my hat off to you btw.

[scaryhairycat]

I only have 2 - 22 months and 10yrs, and I send my 10 year old ds to bed around the same time I put my dd in (about 8 oclockish), the only difference is my ds reads until 9pm. That probably sounds a bit harsh but it does mean we have a some of the evening that is ours, and ds is quite happy to have a bit of quiet time before sleeping.
Maybe you could do something similar? Have a "wind down" time where the kids get ready for bed and read a book or something quiet and calm in their room until lights out? And explain to them the reason for this routine change honestly and openly. Even if it's just a couple of nights a week that it's possible to do this, it might be worth a try.

[cheesypopfan]

I too take my hat of to you and understand the difficulties. I only have 3 - aged 2, 7 and 13, so i know all about having teens and toddlers in the same house!!!

I guess it does require a bit of work and planning - which is hard when you're so busy. I allow my 13yr old to have a friend to sleep over once in a while and this is then reciprocated by the other parent. Its actually not hard having more in the house as they amuse themselves, so maybe you could work out a way where the older ones could sleep out. The younger ones would go to bed at a reasonable hour and then you may have time for yourself.

Bribery also works - esp for a lie in. Give the older ones an incentive to look after the younger ones for a bit downsatirs one morning so you can have a lie in with DH. Make sure there are lots of snacks etc available.

Finally - draw some boundarioes once in a while. The older ones should be able to understand that you need time with dad, so tell them they can stay up either downstairs whilst you and hubby chill out in your roon, or in their bedrooms - if they have TV's in there then they can watch that etc - and that they can't disturb you two. I do this with my eldest and give him a time he has to be in bed and he usually enjoys having a bit of time to himself, to watch what he wants etc, and is good about keeping to the bedtime given.

[bigcar]

you have energy left for romance? I'm impressed My lot have enough toys, and dvds upstairs so after about 8.30 they are generally all in their rooms or someone elses room amusing each other or asleep. After that time I think they need to wind down and have a bit of quieter time, quiet time is just never going to happen! Most meals we eat as a family but wednesday my dh doesn't get home till about 8.30 so that night we eat on our own without the dcs around. Sometimes on a weekend if we don't have to go out, the older dcs take the younger ones down for breakfast and make us a cup of tea in bed, that's lovely when they do that.