Are you from a large family? what did to think about it?

[verybusyspider]

curious really, I 3 dc but am one of 2, I'd like another dc but am worried about the practicalities of it all.
I had my own room from about 10yrs and can't work out if its important or not, our dc's will have to share for time being but thinking one day if we ever managed to get a four bed then they could have their own room and privacy if they wanted, if we have 4 then they'll always have to share - is that important?
I'm from a large extended family and I grew up as one of 6 cousins, we lived in same town and all had holidays together. I loved it, I'd like my dc's to have same kind of experience.... but had my own space if wanted it...
just after your thoughts/experiences please!

[sb6699]

I am one of 3 (with 3 step-sis and 1 step-bro who stayed over in holidays and stuff).

I had to share a room with my sis until I moved out aged 19. We did have our fair share of rows about space/mess/etc as teens but I think it did make us closer and you learn to compromise.

It was great when we were younger. If we didnt want to go sleep we could whisper and plan midnight feasts. Lovely at Christmas when db would also sleep in our room so we could all get up at the same time. Whoever woke first had to wake the others.

My DS has his own room but DD1 & 2 share. Havent been any problems yet (but they're only 5 and 3).

Given house prices nowadays there are loads of children who share a bedroom.

[MillyMollyMoo]

I am one of 4 who left home at 16 because i couldn't bear the noise and chaos, I always said I would only have as many children as I had empty bedrooms because I believe children in large families need space and peace and somewhere that belongs to them more than an only child or one of two.
We will have 4 and my children have bigger bedrooms than DH and I, but the compromise is that we don't live in our first choice area.

[mustrunmore]

I'm an only child and I loved it, but then again I didnt have any other experience to compare to.
Dh was one of 7 and he hated it, couldnt wait to move out and get a council flat on the dole (thats the North in the 70's for you!)

[fernie3]

My husband was one of 5 and had a great childhood. It depends on circumstances and also the parents i think.

[pagwatch]

I am one of eight.
I was one ofthe youngest.
Things I loved were the noise and the fun - sharing a bedroom with three sisters was fabulous, a melee of noise and giggles and whispered stories in the nightime. I remember watching my sisters putting on make up and getting ready to go out. It was like a magical ritual. Also waking up withthem in the morning and having my biggest sister brush my hair and help me make my bed. Eight of us sitting around the breakfast table and eating porridge and trying to hide the last minute homework being scribbled on your lap.

But I wouldn't do it and I wouldn't want it for my children.
I was never special. I was never really alone with my parents. They loved me but they were easy to fool, slow to recognise when i felt lost or worried. They had all the love to andthey had every intention to but they just didn't have the time. Too many children to support emotionally and to advocate for.
It made me tough and ithink children should have challenges but being one of many in your own home is incredibly isolating

[posieparker]

My DH was an only child and hated it, I was one of two and had a lovely childhood. I now have four dcs. The oldest two want to share a room, they are 14 months apart. We also have a playroom and so plenty of space for everyone. I do think our lives would eb better if we had a more open plan living space, we live in a Victorian house.

[verybusyspider]

such differing opinions! makes it so hate to know.
pagwatch - don't think I could cope with 8 so would never take it that far! but I completely see your point about recognising whats going on and having time for them, I only have 18months between each of mine so I think it'll be hectic with them all doing same things at same time.

[MitchyInge]

I'm one of seven, was the youngest for most of the time and loved it. We were quite neglected in some ways (not materially) but in many ways this was a Good Thing.

[MitchyInge]

Only have three of my own though.

[Momino]

I'm one of 12 (came 9th) so felt a bit lost in the sea. as with anything there are good and bad points.

I did love the noise, excitement and was never short of playmates. a couple of my siblings are my very best friends. on the other hand, it was so crowded (I shared a room with 4 sisters), money short, handme downs, always trying to do something to stand out and be noticed, etc.

I couldn't do it and admire my parents for raising 12 of us. but the 3 I have is as much as I can handle!

[harecare]

Am one of 9 and got my own room at about 15 I think. I've got 2 now and will definitely let them share until they're about 10 as it's so much nicer to share a room when you're little. I loved being from a big family, but even then my Mum had to deal with comments of the environmental impact. Her logic was that she was an only child so was just providing the average number of Grandchildren to her Mum for back then.
It is for environmental reasons that we may not have the 3 that I'd prefer.

[Jo5677]

Have felt a bit sad reading these posts.
I was an only child,had everything i wanted (apart from a pony lol). Had a big bedroom all to myself but my parents both worked full time and i would have happily traded my big room and toys for a brother or sister like most of my friends had. I still feel that way today. We may not have grown up to be best friends but i still think it would have been nice. I know my parents care in their old age will fall solely to me.
I have 5 children, first 4 are from a previous relationship (i know thats v enviromentally unfriendly but we do our best regards recycling and walking,i don't drive anyway).
We try very hard both my husband and myself to see that all the children get their own individual time with us every week. They are financially well provided for and all have their own hobbies too,although they do share bedrooms due to house prices in Wiltshire being crazy.
I worry mostly about their emotional needs being met especially as one child is severly disabled and one ASD as i know the impact that could have on the others,although i have never asked them to help with any of the caring and wouldn't.
After reading these posts though i now feel really that despite my best efforts that when the kids grow up they will just feel they were one of to many. I had considered a last baby (would only be my husbands 2nd biological child)but this has given me a lot to think about.

[verybusyspider]

Jo - thats exactly why I asked the question, I know I would like 4 but would my dc's want to be one of 4 iyswim, its so difficult to tell, I have no idea what kind of parent I am and if I could handle it, we do pretty well on giving kids one to one now but ds3 is still little... I just don't want to regret not having 4 I guess but def wouldn't have another if I thought it would adversely affect my ds's

[Zola78]

IMO your never good enough. I know that my mother tried really hard and loved her children dearly but she still had shortcomings. Having 2 or 3 children will not ensure that you parent brilliantly (not that your not). I guess what I'm getting at is that we all make mistakes in terms of our parenting and I'm not always convinced that the number of children makes the biggest impact. I've seen people with fewer children spend less time than some families with more children.

Your aware of some of the issues which means you care and if you do go forward to have another you will I'm sure try to ensure that your child is well balanced. I don't know if what I've written makes sense but I felt I had to try and put another opinion out there

[Jo5677]

Totally see what you're saying Zola and i completely agree.
Hadn't looked at it from that prespective but i think you're right.
I know parents of 1/2/3 children who don't appear to do a much better or worse job than parents of 4/5/6 that i know. Comes down to the individual parents really i guess.
My husband and me very much share bringing the children up though so i think it makes life much easier and i'm very lucky.

[slushy06]

I was a only child till I was 13 my mum thought she was unable to carry babies turns out she just cant carry boys but my step brother lived with us when we were younger. I was center of their world I had everything in fact I was quite spoilt but things were so lonely.

Even now it is lonely and I sometimes think like when I am pg how nice it would be to have a sister or a brother to talk this over. I can honestly say I have seen both worlds and I hated being a only child but it has left a mark now I am a solitary person and I get flustered around many people.

Although round here 3 children is considered a large family it is unheard of. I have two and I want a third I am going to take some stick but who cares I don't have a crystal ball all I can do is what I think is best for my children. Though saying that I have a 3 bedroom house but plan to finish converting the loft when I have a third for ds

[Chandra]

I was one of 3, we shared a room when young, then took turns when 2 shared and 1 kept a "single room" and rotated every few years. Having a room to my self or sharing it with one of my sisters had their own pros and cons: In one hand having some privacy, on the other the complicity of talking into the early hours even if that was followed by a battle on when to turn the lights off.

I would have loved for my son to have a big family, and a big extended family with plenty of cousins as I did. It was GREAT fun.

[Disenchanted3]

I've been contemplating this.

I'm one of 4 girls, it was 3 eldest in big rooma nd baby in small room as we grew up. When I got to my teens, I was given the small room and the youngest moved into the big room.

Looking back now I didn't mind sharing a room when tiny, but can't talk about my teenage years as I had my own room,

I have 3 children, 2 boys share and DD will ahve her own room, but Id like 1 more...

I suppose I could have 1 more because If Im happy for my 2 lads to share then I should be happy for DD to share .

But If I have a boy then there will be 3 in one room.

Its a hard descision!

[PacificDogwood]

I was one of 2, DH one of 3.

I am currently expecting DS4.

I have absolutely no rational explanation for why I have always wished for a (slightly) larger family. I suppose I like the idea of a small pack of them running around together, growing up together and making memories (good and bad) together.

My first 2 are close in age, then there is a 4 year gap, the youngest 2 will be 2 years apart and I hope that that will allow them to form age appropriate partnerships.

I really do not think that own rooms/fancy holiday/lots of toys have much to do with whether we remember our childhoods as good or bad. My brother and I had seperate rooms, however chose to share for several years. We are now geographically and conversationally not very close, but I know he'd be there for me in a flash.

Mind you, when I was about 10 I am on record having said I wanted 12 of a family . Good grief, no!! I am sooooo done after 4. And no, I was not "trying for a girl" (sore point, sorry).

[theboob]

I have 4 DC , DD2 is only 11 week's and in with us, DS 1 and 2 share but every night dd1 will climb in next to her brother , when i ask her why she say's she feel's lonley on her own and cant wait for her sister to grow up and move into her room , I was one of two and alway's wanted a sister, I asked my older DC how they would feel if mummy had another baby and they both said it would be brilliant , I wouldlke one more DC but not until baby is much ,much older

[beatiebow]

I was one of five and had to share a room until I was thirteen. I LOVED having my own room after that-it felt like paradise. On the other hand we had lots of fun (and fighting) together and it is wonderful now to have all these grown up siblings.
Sometimes I really wanted to be part of a small family but I imagine kids from small families want to be from bigger ones!

[overweightoptimist]

I am one of 4 siblings (3 brothers), there are not more than 2 1/2 years between any of us. I had to share a room until I was 4, I really liked it, my 2 younger brothers shared a room until they were 7, they liked it too. Mum was SAHM until my youngest brother was 5.

I am very close to my brothers and their wives now and love it and love that DCs have an extended family for emotional support.

I have 2 DC and would love more but also work full-time so in practice this might be it as otherwise I'd worry about whether we could spend enough individual time with each child.

Physical space was not too much of an issue when I was little but we were lucky we had a house big enough (after 2 extensions) for us all to have our own room. Emotional space was a little trickier, our parents worked really hard to spend individual time with each of us so it was fine but I know this was a conscious effort on their part, albeit one they enjoyed!

[hollyfort]

i am one of seven, i've 3 bros and 3 sisters, my eldest bro is mentally handicapped and i'm the youngest, i love having my siblings and never felt deprived growing up, it's great having siblings to ring and chat to and we're all quite different, i've got 1 dd and 3 ds's, had always sad 4 was enough but sometimes i think it would be nice for dd to have a sis and to have another daughter, the chance is 50 50, anyway that's anoother day's work ds no 3 is only 7mths old!! Pacific do you mind me asking why the "trying for a girl" was a sore point, have people being making stupid comments, honestly some people feel they just have to say something!

[mrsdisorganised]

I am the eldest of 8, have 4 sisters and 3 brothers, and loved being in a large family although am more of a second 'mum' to my younger siblings. My sisters are my best friends and we are all still very close.
Whilst growing up we moved alot so we shared rooms (usually 2 to a room) but also got to have our own rooms too, I liked sharing.

My mum gave us the most time as my Dad worked away from home alot and i think the only bad thing was that she was tired all the time (medical) so even though she tried she couldn't stay awake to chat to us when we got older, but she did alot with us during the day time!! I loved our family life.

I have 5 dcs and they will be sharing rooms, but will have a playroom, and when they get older maybe a 'space shed' in the garden which will enable them to spread out a bit more....we'll see!

Pacific, totally agree with your 'sore point', we have 4dds and have just had our ds and through-out my pregnancy countless people have been saying 'oh you'll be hoping for a boy this time!', now it's 'you can stop now you've got the boy!' has driven me nuts....we wanted another child regardless of whether it was a boy or girl. Sorry rant over......

[PacificDogwood]

Ach, just ignore me, I am now that I mentioned it... Old crow offered her condolences when I was out and about with newborn DS3 a couple of years ago, stupid woman! DS4 is due in the spring, I am really looking forward to meeting him. It is just hard to get across that we had genuinely not kept going at this baby-making business with the aim of getting a girl (which of course would have been welcome as well) without sounding defensive. Gender just never came into it. I like the "symmetry" of 4 kids, that's all.
Congratulations, mrsdisorganised, you enjoy your little boy .