How much practical help do you all get on a day to day basis?

[reindeermum]

This question is for mums of 4 or more. Do you have practical help? (eg cleaner/au pair/helpful grandparent etc)

I do it all myself and am quite proud of this. My MIL does offer to help now and again but I always politely decline because her "help" requires managing in itself as it is like having an extra big, dangerous child on top of my 4 little ones.

In term time I just about stay on top of things but to be honest in the school hols it is pretty impossible. On days when I am close to passing out with exhaustion I think maybe I should consider getting some help, but (and here is the insane thing) I sort of don't want to because it would be almost like admitting defeat, and that I can't cope. (In a strange way I suppose I feel that I chose to have 4 kids so I should be able to cope with them)

So what practical help do you all have, and how do you feel about it?

[stickyj]

None, but mine are older now. It's tough, isn't it especially when they're fighting!

[sorkycake]

I've often wondered this about families with 4+, good question.

[aGalChangedHerName]

Well i had a cleaner but just sacked her cos she was taking the piss

Was paying her £36 per week for three and a half hours and she had started coming for 2 hours and not doing half of what she was meant to so need to find another.

I prob would manage myself but i CM 7am till 7pm and am not allowed to do "housework" stuff so i struggle to even keep up with washing etc during the day as it is.

[sorkycake]

What's the going rate for a cleaner these days and how do you find one aGal?

[aGalChangedHerName]

Well she charged me £90 for a big spring clean. Did stuff like windows,oven,woodwork as well as bathrooms etc.

Then it was £36 for three and a half hours per week,she was meant to do loads in that time but didn't

I got her through a friend,she worked for a big cleaning company and set up on her own. She was great to start with but quickly started turning up late and not doing stuff. Was too scared of her (bit rough) to complain so i wussed out and told her i couldn't afford her anymore lol

[foxythesnowman]

I have a cleaner who comes once a week for 4 hours.

I tidy up before she gets here so the house is in a reasonable state and try to maintain it for the next 6 days, rather than clean myself. (That's not meant to sound as slovenly as it does!). I kind of work around the day she comes - and at the risk of sounding a bit barking - I sort of plan activities around it ("NO! We cannot bake today, it is Wednesday, Sunday and Monday are baking days") Cleaner comes on a Tuesday. Likewise, no playdates here on a Tuesday, I want my house tidy just for one day, pleeeeease!

I'm a SAHM have 4 DCs ranging from 6 to 8 months. DP does the morning school run most days which is the hardest part of the day IMO. Other than that, its all completely manageable.

Holidays are OK, I find staying out all day helps. My cleaner keeps me sane. Otherwise I have a support network of friends and neighbours if I need any help. Families are all too far away to help.

Remember its not the children who are difficult to cope with, just the mess/washing/chaos they bring!

[morethanmum]

I'm a SAHM with 4 dcx (4 mths to 9). My family live too far away to help, and dh works very long hours, and saturdays. I effectively have no help. I find it okay mostly, but sometimes it's horrible, and drudge like trying to do bedtimes/schoolrun/meals etc. I tend to go out if I can, but it's expensive with four. Luckily I have nice friends and so the children and I do have a social life. DH and I have to wait until my mother visits ( 3 times a year) to go out. We have no life together, which I do find hard. Poor me

[juuule]

Practical help on a day to day basis - none.
Kept on top of things until no7 arrived and then started to get quite stretched.
There are days when it feels that all we are doing is treading water and just keeping things ticking over. But things get done and I'm not really sure that a cleaner could keep up with the mess (certainly not in 2/3hours) that 9 children make - it's a full time job and even then there's still more that needs doing.

[morethanmum]

Nine!!!! How on earth do you cope with buying uniforms/ school shoes etc - I dread September, and only two of mine are at school

[juuule]

Most parts of uniforms are passed down. I also know a group of parents and we all pass uniform around. Unfortunately this time we can't pass down to my dd starting secondary as the school has changed it's uniform.
Shoes are a nightmare.

[ScienceTeacher]

I have an aupair, who takes my younger girls to school, cooks for them and does their laundry. She's not so good at cleaning, so anything she does is a bonus.

[reindeermum]

Agree with foxy and morethan - its definitely easier if you are out for part of the day.

Nice to know that there are others like me who cope with no external help - people I meet for some reason often assume I have lots!

My parents live a long way away but about twice a year they visit and then my mum is GREAT and does things like clean out cupboards or the shed - stuff I would never ever have time for. Other than that I'm just very well organised on a day to day basis.

[Pollyanna]

I have a cleaner who comes twice a week, and until recently an au pair - but I was working 4 days a week then too. I am now on maternity leave and have kept the cleaner. (I will be eating dry cornflakes before I get rid of my cleaner )

dh doesn't get home until the children are in bed, and although my mum lives nearby, she tends to pop in for a coffee during quiet periods rather than when I might need help. (school run/bed/bath etc).

I am seriously considering getting another ap to help me while the baby is young - hats off to you all that do it with no help at all

[reindeermum]

Since this school hol I have also started a "jobs board" in the kitchen which has been an amazing success in getting kids to help. I have a massive bit of paper almost as big as the fridge with their names and days of the week,and at the bottom loads of post it notes with basic pics of different jobs or things to keep tidy ie laundry, books, shoes in porch etc.

Every morning I put 2 job notes next to each child's name so they are then "in charge" of that job that day. So far they are loving it and even requesting a third and fourth job.

At the end of the day I give out special stickers for each job done well,and for the older 2(age 7 and 4) each sticker is worth 5 minutes time on the computer. (The 2 year old is just happy to earn sticker)

This is the first time I have ever felt in control of my house during the school hols and it is thanks to this.

THe really great thing is you can manipulate the jobs given out to best benefit you - ie if I have a particularly bad day for laundry I put the 7 year old in charge of it and not one of the younger ones as he does actually help really quite well in carrying basket around and hanging up to dry. The two year old is obviously just helping in more of a token way.

[Ceolas]

My FiL helps with taking children to school/picking up. Other than that it's down to me. Only have four though!

[CarGirl]

my dh is hands on, will take them to school when we're running late and 3 nights a week he is home to eat tea with us at 5pm then puts them to bed. Other than that no-one really PIL's live locally but work but will help our if possible for dentists/hospital appts etc, obviously that will be less of an issue once they are all at school.

[Pollyanna]

my 9 and 7 year old's now help me out - I am hugely pg now (due anytime) and am finding moving very difficult now, so I have introduced jobs for them - emptying dishwasher, making beds, loading washing machine etc. Even my 3 yo has to clear the table after dinner/set the table. I could definitely get the children to do more around the house though...

[foxythesnowman]

I'll be nicking that 'job board' idea in the holidays. Thanks

[Cadmum]

No help here either...

Things do not happen as quickly as they did before we had 4 children but then in a few years they will all be off at school and I will look at our tidy house and miss the 'good old days'. Right?

[liahgen]

My friend does my ironing for £7 an hour when it builds up so much that I cannot see over the top. Same friend also spring cleans every now and then. Dh thinks I don't need her to do it, but he doesn't realise how much work it takes keeping things ticking over.

I don't have a dishwasher, and am in process of showing 13 yr dd how to do dishes, So that they are clean enough to eat from

I pile washing, folded and kids stand in front of me and I give them their piles to put away. Littlies have to do this a few items at a time.

All cleaning is down to me, except when dh gets fed up of stepping on stuff and retrieving lego from baby's mouth, then he gets hoover out.

[Cadmum]

Ironing... Hmmm... I only iron DH's work shirts. I am a control freak about folding the laundry immediately to avoid having to iron.

liahgen: about no dishwaher. You are amazing. We didn't have one with 3 children and all I ever did was cook a meal, wash the dishes, ignore the rest of the mess, cook a meal, wash the dishes, ignore the rest of the mess, cook a meal, wash the dishes, ignore the rest of the mess, go to bed.

[PaulaYatesBiggestFan]

i have an ironer every week she irons EVERYTHING for buttons its embarrassing!

dp is very very very helpful and the children do a it - badly and begrudgingly!

TODAY dp is asking a cleaner if she has any hours spare = once a month would do me as i run a tight ship but my house is big and its pretty constant

[Idobelieveinfairies]

I have no help, there isn't any family to help tbh. The health visitor has offered for a student childcare person to come in and help...but i would feel like i had to tidy before they came! so would be more hassle.

We manage ok though. Lounge is a non-toy area so we have at least one room that dosen't get trashed. But i find with so many boys they don't have as many toys or gadgets as the girls.....so it is easier with them.

We have a dishwasher (horrah)
and a tumble dryer that is constantly on, this cuts down on the ironing by loads!..everything comes straight out folded and put away. Anything that will need ironing gets put srtaight away too so there is no ironing pile forever calling me. I iron day by day as we need it. (except for school uniform).

what else, what else....from an early age i have encouraged putting away of toys...and definate quick tidy before bed in each bedroom.

Weekends are the worst...its amazing how quick a room can be trashed! But the boys are all at soccer clubs a lot...so they are out and when they get home usually exhausted! Monday is usual major clean-up day.

[Ceolas]

I don't think I could manage without a dishwasher . I love how the kitchen can be such a mess and then five minutes later the machine is whirring away and you have clear surfaces again!

DH does what little ironing we have. I try to fold as soon as the dryer is finished and put in baskets for each of us to put away. Other than that he occasionally loads the dishwasher but nothing else unless I ask specifically. He doesn't seem to see or bother otherwise. Neither of us are naturally tidy people, but it annoys me more if there's a mess!

I should get the children doing more...