how can I stop feelin broody?

(20 Posts)
Iamnotloobrushphobic Wed 27-Jul-16 14:10:28

We already have 3 children. Dc1 and dc3 are close in age then there is a large age gap between dc2 and dc3.
Dc3 is not quite a year old yet and I can't stop feeling broody. It would be nice for dc3 to have a close age sibling but people would think we are totally mad if we had another baby. Everyone was shocked and thought we were mad when I was pregnant with dc3, it would be even worse with a 4th baby.
I am also not sure we have enough time and energy to got another child in and I'm not sure the older children would appreciate having another small sibling.
We do have plenty of space in the house and can financially afford another child but I just worry about what people would think and how much time we could give to each of the children.

Will I ever stop feeling broody? Is there anything that can be done to stop the broodiness?

Iamnotloobrushphobic Wed 27-Jul-16 14:11:23

Sorry about typos, I am on my phone and I have fat fingers.

Just5minswithDacre Wed 27-Jul-16 14:19:35

Don't EVER base your life decisions on 'what other people will think' smile It doesn't matter what they think.

Other than that, I don't know the answer sad

Iamnotloobrushphobic Wed 27-Jul-16 15:01:20

I worry a lot about how my older children will handle it and what they will think much more than other people but I do also think about the reaction of everyone else. I wish I could just not care about what other people think but I got so many negative comments when pregnant and raised eyebrows when people asked if the pregnancy was planned that it did upset me a little. I do feel a bit sad that baby doesn't have a close age sibling to grow up with.
I threw away all of my maternity clothes as soon as baby was born and have given away all of his clothes when he outgrows them to deter me from getting pregnant again but it isn't dampening the broody feeling sad

daisydalrymple Wed 27-Jul-16 15:25:48

We have 3 dcs and 5 years between dc2 & 3 due to a mmc In between. I too really would love dc4. We live in a 3 bedroom semi, so don't really have the room, can't afford to move just yet and don't really have the money for a bigger car. And I will be too old when money is more comfortable.

I really wouldn't worry about what other people will think, it's nobody's business but your own. If we could afford it and DH and I both felt strongly we wanted to try, I wouldn't hesitate. Only you and DH can decide what's best for you. Yes you have less time for each child, but they love their siblings (well, luckily ours all get on grin ) and gain in other ways.

icouldabeenacontender Wed 27-Jul-16 15:32:00

How do you know 'it would be nice for dc 3 to have a close age sibling'?
You have no idea if they would get on.
You are questioning whether you have the time and the energy and you don't think the other kids would appreciate another addition.
I say throw yourself into the family you have, 3 is plenty.

Iamnotloobrushphobic Wed 27-Jul-16 16:26:45

Of course I don't know that dc3 would love a close age sibling. I can only think that he might like it and based on my experience of growing up with 6 close age siblings and always having somebody to play with I think it might be nice.
We have enough bedrooms for everyone to have their own room if we had another child and we have a big enough car already. We didn't plan on such a big age gap between dc2&dc3 but medical reasons dictated the gap but we don't think such problems would recur this time.
Yes, 3 is plenty but some people do have more than 3 and the world doesn't collapse.

DiggersRest Wed 27-Jul-16 16:51:19

I would ask how do you know you can afford it? It's so expensive to live these days even with both parents working! And is it 4 dc you want or for dc3 to have a sibling?

I then would ask what sort of superwoman are you that contemplates a fourth when two are more than enough for me wishing l had your stamina smile

icouldabeenacontender Wed 27-Jul-16 16:55:26

How about addressing my other points rather than getting shirty just because I didn't say 'Yay go for it'
I wasn't suggesting the world would collapse, but you have given a lot of reasons why you shouldn't have another, including possible medical reasons?
There may not ever be a way of overcoming an inherent broody feeling other than going for boring old logic.
I did not wish to offend you with my post, but I didn't want to be flippant and say 'yeh just do it'
I think it's too important.

Iamnotloobrushphobic Wed 27-Jul-16 17:14:09

The main reason for not having another is how the older dc would feel. They were thrilled with dc3 but I would worry that they wouldn't be so thrilled with another. I also worry about what other people would think but I could overcome that and try my best to ignore negative remarks.
I don't want to upset my older children, that is my main concern.

We could afford dc4 financially. We have a spare bedroom, a big enough car and we don't need to use childcare, nor do we foresee any need to use childcare in the future.
The medical reasons for the long delay in having dc3 is it taking almost 6 years to have regular periods after coming off depo. I don't envisage any problems of that nature recurring as I will never touch depo again.
We will probably stick with 3 children but I am incredibly broody and DH is happy either way.

onecurrantbun1 Wed 27-Jul-16 23:21:04

Similar situation here. Worry about the intangibles - time, attention etc - not the practical that people trot out - ie childcare, new car and bedrooms.

Trying to fathom whether I want another child and all the commitments that brings, or another baby . It's very hard when "logic doesn't give a straight answer - it's not a simple "no we can't afford it" but nor is it as "yay go for it" when there are so many unknowns (child could have disability, illness in pregnancy, 4 is a lot of children if parent was ever left alone through illness or separation, etc)

Life cannot be lived on the what ifs but they do need consideration when there are other DCs involved, don't they?

AndNowItsSeven Wed 27-Jul-16 23:26:00

I have seven dc so four doesn't seem a lot to me. I find it very hard to understand why people only have two children by choice tbh.
If you want another child and can afford it then it's no one else's business.
Four dc is not difficult to give attention to especially as it sounds like you are a sahm? If you are your dc will get more attention than a two dc family in daily breakfast after school and holiday clubs.

Iamnotloobrushphobic Thu 28-Jul-16 05:04:24

onecurrant you have hit the nail on the head and have summarised by feelings perfectly.
seven, yes I am a sahm. I am one of seven and my own mum was a single parent sahm until the youngest went to senior school (she couldn't afford childcare after my dad left and closed the family business when I was a baby). My mum had an abundance of time for us children and was always doing some free or low cost activity or the occasional costly treat with us. Despite there being 7 of us our mum spent more time with us than most of our friends mums did with our friends. I still worry though about being able to give each of my children enough attention.

greenfolder Thu 28-Jul-16 05:36:58

The only thing I would say is think about having 4 teens.
I have a 10 year gap between 2 and 3. Older doc 10 and 13 when she arrived. I had intended to have another but decided against on health grounds. I do sometimes wish she had a similar age sibling but the emotional effort of teens and young adults and expense is hard to understand until you are in it. I thought our house was big enough but beleive me they fill it. After getting the older 2 to adulthood, I am glad that we only have one more.

Iamnotloobrushphobic Thu 28-Jul-16 06:25:50

One is already a teen and one is almost a teen. The older ones are much more emotionally draining than the baby do I totally understand what you are saying. Funnily though it's the smallest member of the family whose stuff fills the house - cot, pram, playpen, living room that resembles toys r us grin

rollonthesummer Thu 28-Jul-16 06:41:20

How old are you-that would probably be what decided it for me! 30, yes-45, maybe not.

Iamnotloobrushphobic Thu 28-Jul-16 07:50:10

Mid 30's. I was quite young when my first was born.

Missgraeme Fri 29-Jul-16 09:54:56

I have 11 and they all love being part of a big family. Never has any negative comments form them and don't give a second thought to what anyone outside our home has to say!! I certainly wouldn't decide not to have one because my child might not be thrilled. The bigger picture is your decision not what the reaction of a child might be.

Iamnotloobrushphobic Tue 02-Aug-16 13:55:17

Thanks missgraeme. I am
Impressed with your 11, it makes my 3 seem a teeny family. I am not sure that having another will resolve my broodiness and I could easily see myself having 11 too if I went with my feelings. It just seems so difficult to have more than two in a
Modern society as so many people pass unnecessary judgement.

isitseptemberyet Wed 17-Aug-16 10:54:40

I Totally relate, I am actually heavily pregnant with my fifth and already know that I will be hankering for a 6th!
Yes pple make comments, but you know what- bollocks to them!! I'm a stay at home mum, we can afford them, have a big house and pple who make comments about giving them enough individual time- I see more of mine than my sister who is a working mum and isn't there for the school plays and the school pick ups etc
Yes, there are pros and cons to everything ,but I honestly believe the life skills and the sibling security that children get outweighs having to share the odd toy, put the odd smelly nappy in the bin!
My nine year old son is amazing with babies as a result and will b a great dad one day, my eldest daughter is nt remotely interested in newborns but loves to have a toddler in tow for her schemes and to show off to her friends !
If the only thing holding u back is others opinions id definitely have another !

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