Can't do bedtime routine on my own!

[LittleCircus]

AIBU to ask hubby to help out with bedtimes? We have 3 kids, a 5 year old, 4 year old and 3 month old baby. Hubby works (has his own business and does 60+ hours a week) I do all the childcare but am really struggling putting all three to bed. They always clash and baby ends up crying and eventually I end up in tears as its all a bit much. I don't ask for anything else from hubby and certainly never get a lie-in or any 'me time' but I really need help with this. AIBU asking he help out with 3 or 4 bedtimes a week? How much help do you get?

[Iguessyourestuckwithme]

What is your current routine are the older 2 sharing?

[FeckinCrutches]

Is he still at work at 7pm or just not helping?

[WutheringFrights]

We have 2 DC ages 3 and 5, DH is self employed. If possible he gets home every night and puts the little one to bed and I do the big one.
If he can't get home I usually end up shouting or crying do it by myself.
If I'm doing it single handed I invariably end up with the 5yo watching the tablet or playing games on it simply to keep her quiet while I'm getting the other one settled.
Divide and conquer!

[KittyLaRoux]

If your dh is there at bed time then of course he should help out.

If he isn't can you not use a carrier for the baby so that you have 2 hands free to manage the older 2?

What is the routine now and what are the problem parts?

[WutheringFrights]

And in answer to your actual question your DH should absolutely be pitching in when he is at home!

[Sofabitch]

You're not bu.

Is there anything you can do to reduce stress?

What is the current routine?

[LittleCircus]

DH often gets home after the eldest ones bedtime (8'clock) so can't always help, but it's the weekends that annoy me as I often still end up doing them on my own as he has fallen asleep 'exhausted' on the sofa. I know he works long hours but 24/7 kids is driving me slightly bonkers!
Baby won't go down often until 9.30-10.30 as is overtired, I can't seem to get her to go down earlier than my older ones bedtime because she wants one long BF to settle then quiet and cuddles from me (impossible with two noisy boys running riot).
I'm often in tears come the end of the day and get no quality time with DH (quick sandwich, 30 mins of TV before bed). I know new babies are hard (esp. combined with older ones) but am often left feeling there is no life in my life, if you get my meaning.

[Primaryteach87]

Yadnbu - Your DH should be parenting too! Just because you're the main carer doesn't mean he is dissolved of all responsibility. My DH is working (I'm on mat leave with number 2). I still expect him do normal parenting stuff - equal parenting at weekends & evenings.

[Afreshstartplease]

Yanbu to ask for help if you need it

When DC 3 was born here DC1+2 were 4+5 so I had same age gap and I did TBH used to do bedtimes on my own and found they worked

I would feed dd while sitting on the older dcs bedroom floor to read to them, DC1+2 share a room and by 4+5 years old were capable of putting on own pjs and brushing teeth /,going to the toilet with some supervision

[Afreshstartplease]

Oh and I would then take baby back downstairs with me once older two were tucked up

[GettingScaredNow]

Bless you.

I echo that he should be aiming to get back to help out, at least every other night.

I only have the 2 DC. Dd 4 and DS 22 months. And it is a regular Occitan e that one or other gets dumped on sofa with the iPad while I settle the other.
It's usually Dd and she is under strict instructions not to call me or leave the living room unless it's an emergency. I have a small flat though so this rule was essential!

[LittleCircus]

Thanks for your advice everyone. I find bedtime a relative breeze for the older two if I can get baby to nap or sleep while I deal with them. Sadly it doesn't happen the majority of the time. Bedtime is still hands on for the 4 and 5 year old boys. They can brush teeth and get in pyjamas but still need help and reading a quiet story or singing a couple of bedtime songs with a crying baby as background noise isn't exactly restful!
I wish I could get DH to help out more but our relationship is already very rocky. Asking him to help with bedtime is akin to asking him to tackle Everest so it seems.
I shall try the baby carrier now baby is 3 months she can face outward and see what's going on - the other newborn type carriers just used to frustrate her as with boobs in such close distance she couldn't understand why I wasn't feeding her.
I don't know, I feel so very numb to it all now. I'm looking forward when I can have a glass of wine or two (when breastfeeding has stopped) so bedtimes don't feel so gut-wrenchingly stressful.

[LittleCircus]

Oh I forgot to say, I would dearly love to feed baby whilst reading stories to older ones but for whatever reason baby gets all huffy sitting down to feed, squirms and gulps air down so I have to lay down with her in bed to get her to feed properly. Not very useful I know.

[Blueskies80]

Following with interest as we will have the exact same ages when dc3 arrives in Feb next year assuming all goes well, dh away a lot too.

[LittleCircus]

It is hard work Blueskies but lovely to have all the baby cuddles again. It's what keeps me going most days, shame I can't spend as much quality time with the older ones or DH but I'm hoping things will smooth themselves out over time.

[Afreshstartplease]

I survived anyway! Mine are now 3 7+8 and I'm expecting again!

[dementedpixie]

Don't let breastfeeding put you off having a glass of wine BTW as bf doesn't mean you have to sbstain.

[Blueskies80]

that's good to know little circus thank you. We are pretty stretched at the mo but hopefully they will get a little easier over next six months! Love baby cuddles especially as this is our last I think. Hope things get easier for you!