SATHM/D I need your insight.(5 Posts)
DH and I have had a rough few years which has meant we've had to put off baby number 3, not relationship stuff, just jobs and moving stuff. We agreed that once DH got a new job (he was made redundant) that we would finally start trying for baby number 3. That hasn't been as simple as we thought and work has been thin on the ground.
DH has had a job offer, which he has to take, because well, he needs a job! Problem is it's a 3 hour commute away. He will have to leave before the children get up and won't be back until their in bed, so he will become a weekend dad basically. As it is I'm worried about being able to cope with the 2 we already have. Both of them have a lot of spirit shall we say, I like routine and being busy but I'm still worried about being constantly tired.
Obviously a newborn is a LOT of work, DC would be at least 8 and nearly 6, so play time and small helping Mummy tasks might help. Does anyone have this sort of situation? Is it a happy set up, do you make it work? Am I over thinking it, or am I right in thinking I might end up too stressed?
I have 4 dc but we were in a similar situation when dc3 was born although my older 2 were 4 and 2 at the time. My dh had a job that was a 2 hour (each way commute). To be honest it really took it's toll on us. During the week it meant I was doing everything and just wanted a break at the weekends. However he was also working hard and also needed a break at the weekends. He ended up with health complications as a direct result of the stress. He found a job soon after which was nearer and life became much easier. Is it possible to wait a little and let the dust settle so you can find out how life will be with him commuting? I am sure plenty do it and someone will come along with a more positive story.
We're hoping that with the current set up of the company he is working for, that at some point in the future there will be the possibility of home working. (They are a pretty massive company, we have a friend who has worked for them, and they actually seem pretty true to their word for a change)
At present, if we were to conceive next week for example, I would be a couple of months off both children being at school. I know this would be frowned on, but I think I would wait to a little anyway (as any baby at any time of the year should be enough for me) I would prefer not to have a Christmas baby. DS's birthday is January and all bar 2, all of our nieces and nephews have birthdays in December or January, so it's quite expensive! to say the least.
As it is I'm a very organised person and so far this week I have managed to get everything done, ferry the children around and bed on time, and I've actually spent half the day being bored.
Dh started a new job 3 weeks before dc3 was born. He leaves the house 630am and gets back 730pm. Our relationship has really suffered and is still not great. (But other variables also at play there, so may not be a true example for you).
Ds1 and dd were 7&5 when he was born, he's now 16mo. Gorgeous and a real little character. They all absolutely love each other. But he is hard work! Spirited and clingy to me at busy times - meal times etc!
Early months were purely tricky logistically, getting up to get ready for school, he would settle in for his morning feed. Or if he'd fed say 6am and I got us all up and ready, he'd be wanting a feed at 845 there's a two year school gap between ds1 and dd, and ds had just started juniors as ds2 was born, so that meant a 3pm and a 330pm pick up. Again, a pain for demand feeding. I used to try and manage to get out with the pram before 3 in the hope he would sleep through both school runs.
I have found tea time hardest, unloading bags, trying to hear about their days, get tea ready, sort lunch bags for next day, ds2 would often be tired and need comfort then. I loved a carrier for walks / shopping, but never wanted a sling for round the house.
Bedtimes also tricky, but ds1 and dd a great age to help themselves. So They're all ready by the time I start ds2 bedtime, and ds1 and dd read or play quietly upstairs waiting to see dh. then I hear DH come in whilst settling ds2.
It's just after tea I feel it the most, even now. Desperate for a break, just to whizz round with the Hoover / tidy up / get a few jobs done. Ds2 has a less relaxed wind down than the other two did for sure. I just accept the house won't always look like this and try to embrace it for what it is - a home with three children I'm blessed to have.
As pp says, I don't get a break on weekends either, and neither does dh. I work Saturday and Sunday mornings, he takes the dcs to swimming, then footy for ds1 on Saturday and rugby on Sunday. It's a lot of juggling with no outside or family help at all.
BUT, if you thrive on routine and can feel comfortable with life now and see how a baby could slot in to your day (allowing for as unpredictable as they are ), then you will just get on with it. I was already treading water as my dear dad has advanced Alzheimer's and had been caring for him at his home in shifts with my sis up to this time last year, when he finally moved to a home. So parts of my pregnancy were fairly fraught and things around the house here had piled up too (have now started a declutter!).
I've waffled and probably not made A lot of sense, but feel free to ask any specific questions!
Ps and as crazy as all that might sound, I wish things were better with dh, and wish I was younger, as i'd love a fourth, to even things up and give ds2 a play mate as ds1 and dd had!!!
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