Having another child or stopping now. Feeling fed up

[Kayleighann]

Hi I'm feeling so fed up at the moment trying to decide what I want to do.
I have 2 children aged 9 and 6. Being a mum has been the best years of my life.
I struggled with both my pregnancies with bad sickness. Second pregnancy sickness lasted 7 months. It was awful.
My second baby was born with a few problems and had several operations in the first year. She literally never slept just cat naps here and there so myself and hubby were exhausted all the time. We said no more children ever. Lol and to be honest I never thought of any more. We just enjoyed what we had.
When my second child started school 2 years ago I started thinking about another baby, thinking turned in to obsessing about it everyday!
2 years on and I'm none the wiser and literally driving myself insane with the decision.

So here's whats making it so hard to decide.
We are both scared to death of a repeat of my dd. years of no sleep and operations, hospital stays.
We are both worried about my sickness in pregnancy and how I will cope looking after my children while being so ill.
We have a 3 bed house and a boy 9 and girl 6, someone will have to share and that's a big age gap to have to share.
Money will be tight, we are comfortable now another baby will make things a bit harder.
I worry if my current 2 children would feel left out.
My husband is very worrid about it all the same as I am and one minute he says yes let's have one then the next day he says no why rock the boat, life is perfect as it is.
Bottom line is he's happy how we are but if I 100% want one then we can have one.

Despite all the above I can't shake the feeling of wanting another baby.
I think about it all day everyday it's driving me crazy. The thought of not having another baby brings me to tears but the thought of having one scares me incase I ruin what we have.

I know no one can decide for me but I really need someone to talk to I'm feeling so fed up that I can't just decide

One day I think just do it and then then next I think no don't.
Whys it such a hard decision?

The thought of never having a baby to cuddle again never sitting playing with a toddler and watching them grow breaks my heart. But my head says no.

Do I follow my heart or my head ?

[stolemyusername]

Op, my youngest was 8 when I gave in to what I wanted and had another baby. He is now the absolute centre of our family, adored by his siblings and it feels like the person who was missing has come home - I'm so glad I was brave enough to go for it again.

We also have an older child who was sick for the first few years in and out of hospital, could you speak to your doctors about the medical issues and see what the chances are of them reoccurring?

[Kayleighann]

Hi stolemyusername. Thanks for your reply. It made me well up as when u say felt like someone missing came home that's kind of how I feel. I should feel complete but I feel like someone's missing.

Yes she had several problem and only one is hereditary and they said it's 50/50 as to weather another baby would have same condition or not.

I worry that if we have another and there's any problems that my current 2 children will suffer while I'm in hospital with a baby. They hate it even if I pop to the shop let alone if I was in hospital for weeks.
Also my husband is self employed and keeps reminding me that he can't afford to take time off.

I change my mind several times a day. This morning I was thinking yes I'm having one no matter wat the doubts are but then this afternoon I'm second thinking it and thinking no I can't risk it.
I love my 2 children so much and don't want to ruin what we have, and my husband works so hard and is such a good husband and father I think am I pushing my luck.

[Pollyputhtekettleon]

I think it's right to prepare yourself for the worst. But would you EVER regret it? I don't think you would. You may think that you don't want to put everyone through the horrible pregnancy and the hospital appointments but you would survive and come out the other side and what you have would be worth it. I personally, with great caution and understanding that there might be problems, would go for it.

[jamtartandcustard]

You could have another hard-work baby, or you could have an absolute angel. You will never know unless you just go for it. One thing you do know is that you will love the baby unconditionally and it will enrich everyone's lives so much. So I say go for it, otherwise you will spend forever wondering what if.
Not a rational response but this is the forum for those that never learnt to say 'enough'