In law problems(4 Posts)
My LO is 10 weeks. My SIL and inlaws are extremely dominating and are such a huge presence in our lives I can't handle it. My SIL can't conceive and will have IVF next year. She is very odd and I think unhinged. She rocked up to the hospital uninvited when LO was born, dominated the entire visiting hour by saying how she wants to steel her and she can't wait to feed her and take her out in her pram...she begged me to save her a pooy nappy for her to change. This all really unsettled me after I'd given birth. Then she turned up to the house 20 mins after I'd got home from the hospital with my partners dad who hadnt yet met LO and then she ended up holding her for ages, my partner made sure she has a good hold, but I wanted her as she is my baby!! Then she stuck her fingers in her mouth and said 'look she wants a dummy'..I hated it! My partner didn't say anything and wouldn't have my back. Now she's coming up for 2 weeks and my MIL keeps saying she's going to take over and laughing about how she's going to 'take over when she gets here' and how we won't get a look in. I don't want to hear this! But I get no support from my partner and he just tells me to stop slagging his family off. His mum try's WAY too hard with my daughter. She has bought a cot for her house for when she has her for 1 day a week next year when I return to work. She's getting wall paper, and kids curtains. She already has a toy box full of toys and books. She's bought her own pram too. To top it off shes made up her cot with bedding when my daughter was 7 weeks. I said to my partner there is no need for her to do this at this stage and he said to stop having a dig at his mum. My partner sees no wrong in all of this, he doesn't think they are over the top and we can't reason with each other on it. I am so anxious, angry and upset all of the time as we Alwaya have to see them. I feel helpless and just don't know what to do!
Don't worry about what is going to happen next year when you are back in work, things will be different then.
Start planning for the two weeks your SIL is here. Line up lots of different things to take the baby to. Arrange meet-ups with your own friends/family/baby groups. Then when SIL is here let her know which days you are free and on some of them arrange to meet her outside of your house.
for you OP. It's awful when you feel that someone is dominating your time with your new baby. It's an important time for bonding for you and your DC.
In your position, I would tell DP that you aren't slagging anyone off but it's all a bit much at an overwhelming time and you need some space and for him to support you in that. He needs to step up for you.
Other strategies I used were not answering the phone/door then later saying I was out/sleeping and starting to get out to groups/meet ups in the local area so I already have 'plans' when unwanted guests try to call in.
It does take some time but I found some non commital 'we're not ready for that yet' and 'hmm, yes maybe when baby is a bit older' with regards to baby sitting/sleepovers/taking baby out alone etc worked well. Sometimes, I even just stood up and said how nice it had been to see the visitor but baby and I needed some peace/rest. They were welcome to stay with DP but that we were going to bed for a bit. I did get a few raised eyebrows at first but people soon got the message!
Your SIL sounds a bit OTT but to be honest they both just sound super excited and madly in love with your daughter. She's lucky to have family who love her so much.
Of course she is your baby so don't let them do anything you're not comfortable with (like sticking fingers in her mouth!) but try to look at it from their point of view too. Especially your SIL for whom this is no doubt very difficult. She could easily be so upset that she's avoiding you but instead she's embracing her role as aunt. And I think it's sweet that your MIL is giving over an entire room in her house to your child!
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