Rules for siblings?

[Tillytoes14]

Hi,
Do you have rules for your children? We have three children, one is still a baby. I want to implement some rules, to make our living environment a bit more peaceful at times, also I want to move away as the referee role, but I'm absolutely useless when it comes to sibling rivalry and never know a good time to intervene and what consequences I should be giving. I often send them to their rooms for name-calling, other than that I try to ignore. Am I doing things right, as they still name-call most of the time and come to me constantly to help deal with the situation. Any advice, will be appreciated.

Thanks!

[ffffffedup]

Unless there's blood just ignore it is my philosophy otherwise your just caught up in the tit for tat bullshit squabbling that goes on between probably all siblings across the world. I don't think you can stop the squabbling it's natural, mine tend to give as good as they get so I try not to get involved

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

I would agree to ignore unless getting nasty. We have fines in our house for name calling - 10p pocket money dock. As this can become a habit. But DH often intervenes, then he comes to me to tell me in detail the last crimes drives me batty!!

[addictedtosugar]

If raging about, a warning that someone will get hurt, and a told you so when it happens. Name calling currently"your silly" or " you smell" level, so told that's not nice, and to apologise. If I don't see it, I don't punish, unless something obvious like teath marks.

[Gingermakesmesick]

I do absolutely step in. I'm sorry to sound overbearing but I absolutely hate the 'let them get in with it' attitude towards sibling squabbles that seems to be favoured so much on here. Why?

[BlueCowWonders]

I come down bery heavily on being mean in any form. DH and I don't call each other names so DC don't either.
Dh is hard on not telling tales.
And all of us look out for each other

[LostInMess]

I don't step in unless I have to, or I've seen what happens, purely because half the time I'm presented with various versions of the story and no way of knowing what exactly happened - everyone will swear blind it's someone else's fault. Even if I have a strong suspicion, I don't think it's fair to tell off the wrong person even once. Also, they need to learn to sort out disputes as they'll have to at school - so I tend to only intervene where it's serious (again, as at school). Mine are 7,5 & 3.

We do Pom poms in jars as a reward thing (which I link to pocket money) - if there is masses of arguing I'll either separate them all and make them play in different areas or the threat of not getting a Pom Pom tends to focus the mind. Giving an extra one for good behaviour to anyone who isn't fighting tends to help too - an attempt to reinforce the positive - for the same reason, I rarely remove them but the threat is there.....::

Not saying it always works though and often we're just muddling through - there are days when they just fight, others when they're best of friends but I think my sibs and I were the same. Hardest thing is trying to get older ones to understand that 3 year old can get away with certain things because he is 3. This does not apply when you're 5!

[ffffffedup]

ginger if I stepped in every time I heard he's called me x,he's took my toy, he's pushed me,he's done x y z I'd never get anything done. And as lost said unless you've seen it for yourself you get various versions of what's happened each blaming the other. Unless you've got some magic way of getting them to stop squabbling? My dc generally don't get physical and fighting with each other but of course if they did I'd certainly step in. Other than that I'm not interested in sibling tormenting.

[shushpenfold]

I don't step in with general squabbles as it's a life lesson which needs to be learned; how to get on with people. Nastiness is stepped on quickly, as is 'give it out but can't take it' behaviour, either verbal or physical.

[notaprincessbutaqueen]

i totally agree with if there isn't blood - I don't want to know philosophy but then I wont tolerate name calling either. If they do, rarely, call names (and its usually the eldest that does that!) then i just tell them off, reiterate that name calling is not acceptable, and get them to apologise. then let them carry on.
any other squabbling, he said this, she said that etc then i just ignore. I also keep the attitude that if i didn't see it then don't involve me as I will not take sides unless i have actually seen the incident occur because its always "the other persons fault"