Anybody else have 4+ DC's and a DH/DW/DP who is out of the house long hours for work?

(11 Posts)

Just curious (and starting to panic a little...). I am due DC4 in the summer, DH's commute has always been long but after I fell pg he was offered an opportunity that would have been difficult to pass up. He is away out of the house at 6.30 and back late (8.30 pm is now 'early').

I am pretty organised but starting to wonder if I am taking in too much!

My family are great but they are nearly an hour away so tend to come up for specific things rather than just being able to pop in for the 10 minuets and short notice.

Is there anyone else doing the same sort of thing who can please come and tell me that it will be fine! ?

Offred Fri 04-Apr-14 11:34:15

It will be ok if both of you are happy with it I think. Other people's experiences aren't going to help you because other people have different values and where the tension comes from is one or both partners being unhappy or feeling out upon.

Offred Fri 04-Apr-14 11:35:41

You can certainly manage 4 dc on your own. I've got 4, 8, 7 and 4 y/o twins and am a single parent. It will be about making a life that you are happy in and if you can do that everything else (which may be hard actual work) will be easier.

5madthings Fri 04-Apr-14 11:36:00

I have five and a partner who does long hours and shift work,

It can be hard but the key is to be organised.

Will dh get paternity leave and can you arrange some help for the early weeks?

Offred Fri 04-Apr-14 11:39:09

Yes, that's good practical advice. When twins were born I really struggled and because things were difficult xh ran away to work and hid, just left me to get on with it. I never forgave him. One of the babies failed to thrive because had a feeding difficulty which would have been easy to sort out had anyone bothered to support me. Was let down by health service too. Will need to make sure you have support there just in case I the early days.

littleomar Fri 04-Apr-14 11:41:25

It's doable. We have good days and bad days, mostly depending on how tired everyone is. Our arrangement is a bit different, DH tends to be away at least one night a week, working at home another day and back 7:30/8 in between. Granny here one afternoon a week. One advantage of being on my own with them is that older DCs don't have anyone to play me off against (they know I'll say no iPad or whatever and just get on with it, instead of doing deals with DH).

I am looking forward to going back to work though

littleomar Fri 04-Apr-14 11:43:25

Oh yeah support in early days is a very good idea. I had a postnatal doula for th first couple of months with our twins.

DH won't be off for long, but he will take time off in September when the one of the DC's starts school.

My friends daughter breaks up from college around he same time as DC4 is due so she might come for a couple of hours a day and earn some extra money...even if she is walking the older ones to school or nursery it would be a help.

5madthings Fri 04-Apr-14 12:16:52

Yrs that sounds perfect someone to help with schoolrun!

Mutley77 Fri 04-Apr-14 12:23:10

I think you will probably always manage with what you have. I only have 3 and I freaked when DH started leaving the house at 7am, but I quickly learned to cope and now find it easier doing the morning routine without him ;)

The reality is you will have to manage, or pay a mother's help to come in and cover the nightmare parts of the routine.

Personally I find the evening routine less of a stress as there is no deadline! So if everything slips a bit due to baby's feed (i.e. pop others in front of TV with toast before dinner) they can go to bed half an hour late. Or conversely start the routine half an hour earlier which is my preferred option.... The mornings have the constant ticking of the school start time clock which I think is harder.

If you don't work it will be fairly easy in the longer term as you can do things like cook kids tea while older ones are at school etc.

Coveredinweetabix Sun 13-Apr-14 20:49:52

OP - I know nothing about having four children only having toe myself but my DP works similar hours to yours and when DC2 was born I had a 15yro neighbour come over three evenings for an hour or so and she was fantastic. What she did mainly depended on whether DC2 was feeding or not (he was ebf). If he'd just fed & was dozy, she'd take him & just sit on the sofa watching Pointless or something cuddling him whilst he slept. More often, I was feeding him and she'd help DC1 tidy up the toys that were out, take her up for bath time & then we'd both do stories and bed in that I'd be in DC1's bedroom feeding DC2 (he was a cluster feeder) whilst the 15yro had DC1 on her lap and read her stories.
Not only was it incredibly useful having a spare pair of hands, but, as she was only 15, she had no opinions on childcare but just accepted it was how it was so I never had to put up with "have you tried....". She was also very willing and happy to make me a cup of tea, empty the dishwasher, bring the washing in, run up & down the stairs to get things which had been forgotten.
What made it even better was that she thought she had a brilliant job. She loved cuddling the baby, loved playing with the toddler and loved the fact she had some money.

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