What finally made you decide whether to go from 2-3 children (or not?)

(27 Posts)
MolotovCocktail Mon 10-Feb-14 16:24:53

I seem to just going around in circles.

We have 2 dds aged almost 5yo and 21mo. Both took a while to conceive and both extremely wanted.

DH would definitely like another. We could afford another child. I'm not opposed to having another but I think I'd prefer dd2 to be nearer to starting nursery (so nearer to 3yo). I'm not overly keen on the idea of another ELCS (had one with dd2) ans recovery. I'd get over this ia we decided to try and were fortunate enough to conceive; but I just can't make my mind up whether to leave things as they are, or have another little baby! It would be fab to have a gang of girls, or two girls and a boy would be nice because we haven't experienced having a son so far.

I'm 31, and appreciate any pearls you might have because it's been on my mind for a while and I just don't know what to do smile

Middleagedmotheroftwo Mon 10-Feb-14 16:27:33

It was my age that stopped me having a third. I was 36 when DD2 was born. I would have loved a third, but we decided that we would be pushing our luck a bit after having had two healthy DDs in quick succession.

DefiniteMaybe Mon 10-Feb-14 16:32:42

I am wavering between 2 and 3 too. Dd is 2 and a half, an August baby and will start fulltime school in Sept. Ds is 5.
Part of me is desperate for a baby now the dc are becoming increasingly independent. But, they sleep and they don't need nappies and they can talk. It seems daft to want to go back through the baby years again.

CheerfulYank Mon 10-Feb-14 16:34:00

I have a 6 year old and an 8 month old and definitely want a third. I just don't "feel done" iyswim.

maillotjaune Mon 10-Feb-14 16:34:33

I couldn't make up my mind then when DS2 was 4 I had a mc after a surprise (well, shock pregnancy really seeing as I was on the pill) and that made me realise I did want one more.

Timing wise after an 18 month gap between the first two I loved having a 5 year gap before the third but had I decided earlier I'd probably have plumped for having them close together to get the preschool years over sooner. I will still be dropping off at primary when I'm 50 shock

TenCupsOfTea Mon 10-Feb-14 16:41:31

In the same boat. Am 34 and a half, dc1 is 3.7, dc2 is ten months. I don't feel like my family is complete but am already quite tired hmm also had two tough pregnancies with cholestasis each time. Hmmm

MolotovCocktail Mon 10-Feb-14 16:42:51

I was so desparate for both girls that this feeling of uncertainty is odd. I don't feel 'done', but I'm not sure about rocking the very nice boat we have, iyswim.

But dd2 is toddling about and I miss having a babe-in-arms. A third child would be our limit, I wouldn't just keep having babies because I enjoy babies! But this uncertainty is weighing on my mind.

MolotovCocktail Mon 10-Feb-14 16:46:25

Yes, the tiredness thing is an issue already. And sometimes I find both children challenging. I do wonder how I'd handle more than 2 (I think that's why is prefer a 3-4y gap. Not much more because of the gap that would be between dd1 and the potential dc3)

RedJeans Mon 10-Feb-14 17:15:03

I'm one of three girls and it was fab growing up! Two siblings much more fun than one in my very biased opinion. Not very practical sorry grin but have heard lots of people say that you never regret having another one but might regret not having one...

MolotovCocktail Mon 10-Feb-14 17:16:57

Red, may I ask why you foind having 2 sisters more fun than one?

I have a worry that one might be left out, you see.

MolotovCocktail Mon 10-Feb-14 17:19:45

(I am an only child so have no personal point of reference regarding siblings)

kilmuir Mon 10-Feb-14 17:23:02

Alcohol and sunshine!
We were on holiday and over indulged. Along came number 3 nine months later. Have to say that we always felt we would be happy to have another

MolotovCocktail Mon 10-Feb-14 17:43:41

Maybe that's what I need to do! grin

workingonitagain Mon 10-Feb-14 20:39:42

For me turning one was always a turning point. Ds2 turned 1 and i was suddenly increadibly broody. Ds3 is 10 weeks old and i am struggling with everything a bit. Its all very intense but then ds1 starts school in sept so will only have 2 at home then! Go for it girls smile

CheerfulYank Mon 10-Feb-14 23:38:29

I always wanted at least 3 because my brother is very difficult and always was. I felt very alone and like an only child in a lot of ways.

jennifersofia Mon 10-Feb-14 23:59:06

1) I didn't feel 'done'
2) somehow wanted to introduce a bit more chaos in our lives, mix up the 2 by 2 dynamic
3) my sibling died young,leaving my parents with only one child to rely on, and me with no siblings to turn to and share the load as parents got older - equally DH's sibling has a very serious illness that means they will have no children and there is much for my MIL to cope with. We didn't want either of our girls left with no one if their only sibling were to die.
4) I felt I ,ought actually be able to relax and really enjoy the third baby, as I finally knew what I was doing.

MolotovCocktail Tue 11-Feb-14 13:06:58

I browses iCandy prams this morning confused I have a definite niggle of broodiness. I just need to distinguish whether it's a genuine want for another child! grin grin grin

MolotovCocktail Tue 11-Feb-14 13:07:14

*browsed

irisblue Tue 11-Feb-14 17:05:42

I was one of two and always envied friends who came from larger families. I know not all large families are close, but my two greatest friends growing up were one-of-fours and are still really close to their brothers and sisters now.

My mum is one of four and sees her sisters all the time. She speaks to one of them once a day - at least!

Also, my dad died a few years ago. At the time my brother was living in New York and although he came over when dad was ill and when he died, he had to go back. I felt a huge responsibility for my mum for a long time and it would have been nice to share that with other siblings who were in the same country. I always felt that I wanted my sons to have several siblings for support and hopefully to be close to.

And, my children are so gorgeous I just wanted another! biased mother alert

MolotovCocktail Tue 11-Feb-14 19:10:20

I am enjoying reading the stories posted on here, thank-you. It's all very tempting to juat see what happens, especially as I love being pregnant and dh wants to make me pg!! grin

In all seriousness, though ... I have until the summer to decide.

evertonmint Tue 11-Feb-14 19:21:44

We always wanted 2, thought we might want 3 but weren't sure. We ummed and aahed for over 2 years, mainly because we like having 2 and they're both so far healthy so we didn't want to rock the boat. But in the end the fact that we kept talking about it made us think we probably weren't done. Everyone we know who happily stops at 2 knew they were done. We kept having the conversation.

In the end, we gave ourselves 3 months to try, planning to regroup and revisit if it hasn't happened then.

4 weeks later I got a positive test and am now 5 months pregnant with DC3 grin It was a total heart over head decision, and DH and I are so practical and logical that it was hard for us to make an emotional rather than practical decision.

But now we're excited! I'm nearly 38 but so far all appears healthy. I've miscarried before so we went into fully aware that a healthy baby isn't a certainty, but decide we were willing to take that risk.

eddielizzard Tue 11-Feb-14 19:28:20

we have 3 girls. dh wanted no. 3 and i was undecided but went with it because he was so sure.

i adore all of them and really enjoy them especially when they're all having fun together or we're eating together. the things they come out with are priceless and they generally enjoy each other's company.

but i must say i really struggled. the work load is huge and there's always someone needing something. they don't wait until it's a good time, they wait until the worst possible moment so they're all crying and shouting at me at the same time. it's really really hard. it's also harder to keep on top of their various requirements eg. which child has library or sports that day. i'm uber organised but some days i barely recognise myself. i forgot to take a child to a party the other day! would never have happened to the old me. the house is a tip, garden a jungle. christmas was great though! no. 3 brings me incredible joy, especially as i know she's my last! i feel her babyhood / toddler years have been incredibly special and bitter-sweet.

so i'd say go for it, but only if you are sure you're happy with losing all that free time you've got now. (!!!) yes, because you'll suddenly realise what a walk in the park having just 2 kids is.

MolotovCocktail Tue 11-Feb-14 19:53:48

Congratulations everton and thank-you eddie.

I find our two girls challenging at times; when one takes a toy from the other; wheb they get into a squabble; I'm tired sometimes taking dd1 to after-school clubs, imagine when dd2 is into all of that.

I am managing life at the moment and feel largely in control.

Essentially, why I waiver at the thought of another baby/child is (forgive me because some of these are selfish reasons):

- a 3rd pregnancy and the effect that might have upon my body (I'm in good shape after 2 full term pregnancies and one CS)
- a second ELCS and the effect that might have upon my body (thinking overhang. I don't have one and don't really want one!)

In fairness, I think a past eating disorder might be controlling my mind here somewhat.

- how I'd manage whilst recovering from a CS looking after a school-age child, a pre-schooler and newborn
- managing them when they get stroppy
- we would probably need to move house as we currently have 2 bedrooms.

But then I think about our 2 awesome girls and how lovely it would be to have another. A little gang ... circles, I tell you!

MolotovCocktail Tue 11-Feb-14 19:55:59

Oh, and add to my list getting pg in the first place. Dd1 took 9m to conceive naturally (not too bad). Dd2 took 2 years and six cycles of clomid to conceive. Couldn't/wouldn't go through that again. If it was going to happen, it would just be through not using contraception. Not actively ttc, iyswim.

eddielizzard Tue 11-Feb-14 20:05:37

well we live in a 2 bedroom house and the 3 girls sleep in 1 room! it works well although the eldest does need her own space now.

the only other thing i'd say is that you're thinking of the early practicalities which in fairness are the worst. elcs and coping with 3 is tough. but this will be for the next 20 years. yes, stating the obvious but if you're like me i thought about the first year or so and now i'm realising that it's also the next 20 years that will be also full of juggling and not having enough time to do anything properly.

of course there are big rewards to having another child.

it is swings and roundabouts. hard work but another child to enjoy.

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