Are we crazy re age gap?

(42 Posts)
wibblyjelly Sat 16-Feb-13 18:11:53

DS is 4 and a half months old. The plan is that when he is a year old, we are going to TTC dc2. Are we crazy?! I've said to DH I'm worried its going to be pure hell (although I am happy to go ahead with the plan, I'm not being forced!smile ) DH has said that we will support each other, and it will be hard whenever we do it. This way, we get the first couple of years over with, and then it should (fingers crossed) get easier.

Does anyone have any experience of dealing with a newborn, and a toddler potentially under the age of 2? I just keep thinking back to the early days of no sleep with ds, and wonder how youndeal with this, when you have an older child to consider. Tia.

wibblyjelly Wed 20-Feb-13 04:45:52

Thanks for all the responses. I'm definitely feeling a lot calmer smile

nooka Wed 20-Feb-13 04:56:43

I have a 16mth gap between my two, and really really didn't enjoy the first couple of years (but I am not a baby person). After that it's been great. They are the best of friends (even now at 13 and 12) don't have to be supervised to closely (as they are the same size so no worries about the bigger one hurting the little one) and enjoy many of the same things. dd tells me the closer the better.

nagynolonger Wed 20-Feb-13 05:00:12

I would say 19 months is about right. It was for me between DC1 and DC2. The newborn stuff will come back very quickly and I'm sure you will find that easier the second time round.

I also had a nearly 8 year gap later. That was much harder IMO because our life style had moved on from babies. It took some getting used to and all the 'rules' on how they should sleep etc had changed. To be fair I just got on with it and ignored the rules. Everyone does it the way it works for them.

susiey Thu 21-Feb-13 09:02:07

I h

susiey Thu 21-Feb-13 09:04:07

I have had a mixture of age gaps ( 2 yrs 3 mths, 2 yrs 9 mth and finally 20 months) and 20 months was my favourite!
They are both still babies really which helps because they both have a nap which is such a luxury!

ninipops Mon 11-Mar-13 19:05:51

I have DD1 3, DS 19mths and DD2 8 wks - so 2 18 mth gaps. Its really effin hard work. That said the older two are starting to play together and will spend ages out in the garden pottering about so I ca see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm looking forward to DS being more verbal as its having a toddler that makes having a newborn difficult (after your first that is!). Second having a good sling tho as you can't really leave a baby down low when there is an eager toddler ready to cuddle it into oblivion!

juule Tue 12-Mar-13 11:37:40

I had a 16m gap followed by a 15m gap and loved it smile

Myliferocks Tue 12-Mar-13 11:46:36

DC1 - DC2 4 and a half years
DC2 - DC3 19 mths
DC3 - DC4 15 mths
DC4 - DC5 13 mths

DC2 was 4yrs and 1 month when I had DC5

The worst gap is the 19 mths between DC2-DC3 as they are both girls who are so different in temperament are now 10 and 12. They fight ALL the time.
All 5 children children were much easier when they were little than they are now with all the hormones going round.

harrygracejessica Wed 13-Mar-13 12:47:01

We had twins when our eldest was 15 months. Bloody tiring but fab.

RightMoveAddict Thu 04-Apr-13 22:23:08

Exactly 18mths between mine as we planned. It was bliss then, its bliss now as number 2 nearly 2. Absolutely no way if have wanted a bigger gap-they are best friends!

MummaPanda Sat 13-Apr-13 13:41:08

Well my dd is almost 5 months old and I'm 3 months pregnant so no I wouldn't say your crazy!!

twinklesparkles Sun 14-Apr-13 12:36:57

Love this thread thank you for starting it smile

I have a ds who's 5 (6 in november) and a dd who is 11 days old smile

Think we will be trying for dc#3 sooner rather than later not yet don't worry,think ill need a while to get over labour I've always wanted 2 babies close together. Ds is great with his little sister but the gap between them feels so big.

3peasinapod Tue 16-Apr-13 12:16:59

11 months between my first 2, 19 months dc3... Hard going but well worth it.. DDs are now 7,6 and 4 and all off to school in sept and baby no4 coming in dec.. So I'll have a 5 year gap between dc 3 & 4.. I may have to have a no 5 for company...

bubbles11 Wed 17-Apr-13 11:53:09

I have 18 months between my two. It was very hard not just work wise (both in nappies, both up in the night) - but mainly because although he was supportive for baby number 1, once my son (2nd baby) arrived my husband changed and became a lot less supportive and distant and secondly going back to work when my son was 6 months old and having sole responsibility for the nursery run either end of my working day with two children who were 2 years old and 6 months old - was very hard.
I also have no family nearby and some family politics which are actively hostile (toxic MIL, infertile and very sensitive sister etc)
So my circumstances are probably unique in those respects although I think there is probably some common ground that returning to work when you have two children still in nappies, having sole responsibility for all childcare arrangments and costs and having a hostile husband, boss and wider family members does not help a happy time. Ironically I love my babies passionately and wish I could have had more but I know that 2 in those particular circumstances pretty much killed me so i am done. However the age gap of 18 months does have its advantages - my children are very close and play together well - they are a joy together. Good luck and I hope it goes well for you xx

sweetkitty Wed 17-Apr-13 19:03:03

My gaps are 18m, 30m and 22 months.

Easiest gap 18 months, hardest 30 months which is the usual 2 1/2 years. I love having them close in age they are 8 and 7 now. I think though there's positives and negatives with any age gap.

AmberSocks Mon 22-Apr-13 10:16:13

this is probably because ive had mine really close together but i think 2 years is quite a decent age gap!

i like having mine close together,they were all tiny together,they will all be kids and teens together,and probably have children around the same time too(if they have any)

I didnt find it that difficult,and i have 4 under 5 and another one on the way!my husband works long hours and we dont have family within 3 hours,and i really enjoy it,but i do really like kids in general.

you just need to be relaxed and dont worry about the small stuff,just enjoy being with them.

the biggest age gap i have is 2 and half yrs between 3 and 4,its nice but no more difficult or easier than a year imo.

AmberSocks Mon 22-Apr-13 10:17:27

plus i co sleep,use a sling,blw,feed on demand etc,it makes life a lot easier!

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