Not having any more? Feeling broody nonetheless? Support for anyone whose heart wants more but head says no!!

(37 Posts)
happynappies Thu 24-Jan-13 15:00:49

I've got four dcd now, my youngest being 4 months old. We always said we'd had four, and while I was pregnant with my youngest I kept thinking I'd feel a sense of our family being complete once she arrived. Of course I don't. Realistically I don't think I could cope with being pregnant again - it was very difficult last time, and age isn't on my side, plus lots of practical reasons why four really is enough...

But I still feel so sad going through everything for 'the last time'. I find it particularly hard packing clothes away when dd moves into the next sizes. Dh wants me to E-bay everything - clothes, maternity stuff, TENS machine etc, but I think its too soon, and get too emotional. I kind of wanted to 'enjoy every moment' with this baby, but then there just isn't time - its always so hectic all the time, with life getting in the way!! I had visions of putting together a memory box, photo collages, making a patchwork quilt out of the baby clothes... that type of thing, but barely have time to sit down let alone do that type of thing...

So - anyone know how I feel? I know I'm incredibly lucky, we've got four lovely children, wouldn't change anything for the world, and we possibly could have another if we were both absolutely sure, but we've decided not too... it just seems so 'final'. I wonder if people who have two children feel like this when they have their second, i.e. is it just because I've done this so many times that it will feel so odd not to be carrying a maternity exemption card for prescriptions, not to be thinking ahead and planning the best time for a baby, not to be looking at maternity clothes all the time, not to need to keep hold of all the baby stuff... Is it hormones??!!

JaneLane Thu 07-Feb-13 02:18:44

I'm expecting my DC4 in March and me and DH have decided this baby will definitely be our last. I'm finding it very hard not to get all weepy about "lasts" like last time I'll be 35 week pregnant etc...

But 4 is all we can manage financially and we get housing through my DH's work so we cannot guarantee we will always have space for more. Plus my body has just about had enough now - it has been 4 pregnancies in just under 8 years!

amazingmumof6 Sat 09-Feb-13 08:54:13

exactly the same here. and we have 6!

we planned on 4, then I got very broody (had MC) had 2 more, but I just don't feel "I'm done" .

I don't know what to do. the house is full of clothes and toys and half finished projects. And baby being the only girl I went nuts with the dresses and pink. I even bought pink bottles for her!

I just can not bring myself to get rid of the baby stuff, every time I think about it (even now) my stomach is in a knot and I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack.

my sleep deprived brain says no more, but I just don't know.
I'm 38 so 1 or 2 more children is a possibility, given I get pregnant at the drop of a hat (we joke the last to were conceived by a text and a high 5), but we are bursting at the seems as it is, but moving is really tricky - cheap enough and we'd have to uproot everything, close enough - we can't afford it.
Also we'd need a 12-seater car ( category D driving license?) and we are tired and they have after clubs and I get really sick when pg etc. And the cost, just staggering. And time, oh just never enough time for all the lovely plans to rationalize.

so many cons against just "my feeling", yet I can't decide.

Makingmama Wed 20-Feb-13 12:35:45

Oh wow totally feeling broody here too! I have 3 dc - 5, 4 and 2. DH had the snip afer dc3 sad. I was so sure/adamant I absolutely would never want more...and look at me now, I can't get 1 or even 2 more out of my head!!!??? Not right now but in a couple of years to try again confused but there's the whole snip issue in the way (and dh lol!)

So right now I have 2 options 1) I work on dh over the next year and persuade him to have a reversal grin !! Or 2) hope that these feelings go away??? sad

Feel very selfish really as I know so many people can't and why can't I just be happy with what I have...

CherryPie3 Wed 20-Feb-13 15:24:57

Oh my, can relate to this! envy

I have 3 dc's, dd aged almost 8, ds1 6.5y and ds2 2.5y.

Would love to add another child into our family but dh keeps holding me to something I said when I was 18... That I thought 2 kids would be enough. I had no kids and nothing maternal about me at that age. I also told dh that I wouldn't consider having kids etc until I was 25 - our dd was an accident and I changed forever!
If it were left to dh he'd have had the snip while I was pregnant with ds1, (holding me to my word see?) but I told him not to because he was too young (2yrs younger than me).

I talked him into having dc3, hoping it would put an end to my broodiness. Thoroughly enjoyed my pregnancy despite being on crutches and feeling like my legs and pelvis were totally detached. Ds2 came along and I still haven't made myself believe that this is it.
Talked dh out of having the snip again, I am on the depo provera jab instead.
We live in an old 3 bed terrace house, but there is plenty of room and storage for one more member. But would mean buying a new, bigger car. That's the only major change really, we're planning on buying bunk beds for the boys anyway so that will free up the cotbed.

I've thought about this too much!! grin

3monkeys3 Thu 21-Feb-13 09:35:41

I'm slipping back into the broody camp damnit! I was feeling all lovely and positive about stopping at 3 but thinking about a 4th again! I so wish I could be one of those people who knows how many children they want, has that many and then stops thinking about it (though I actually suspect I am this sort if person, it's just my number is 4 and probably out if reach).

Oodsigma Thu 21-Feb-13 09:46:33

janelane snap! Am having dc4 2 weeks today. I said 4 children, my body won't take any more ( currently have been housebound from Xmas unless I use a wheelchair , 4 sections etc). No room in the house , no money for more etc yet am weeping over the lasts!

Iheartpasties Thu 21-Feb-13 11:00:51

good luck for your last two weeks oodsigma (()))

Oodsigma Thu 21-Feb-13 11:26:24

smile

weegiemum Thu 21-Feb-13 11:35:45

I'd have loved to have more. I'm the eldest of 6, life was noisy but fun! My dh is one of 2 boys and didn't have a happy childhood and never wanted more than 2. We got 3, dd2 was a 'mirena' pregnancy.

But the main thing is my body hates being pregnant! Morning sickness for half the pregnancy, crippling tiredness, SPD, ante-natal depression (and then vile pnd), recurrent UTIs and to top it all of one of my kidneys reacts to pregnancy by making constant stones for months on end which only pass if I'm given diamorphine for the pain, and my urologist said I'd possibly lose my kidney or suffer crashing renal failure if I got pg again. So dh had a vasectomy when I was still pg with dd2.

I'm now menopausal prematurely, and while it's a bit sad (I'm only 42) it's also a bit of a releif. I know I'm a good mum but I'm actually enjoying my slightly older dc (9,11,13) and wouldn't want to go back to the nappies and no sleep. I do miss the breastfeeding a bit, though. I liked that, and when I was practically catatonic and hallucinating with pnd, I took great comfort from being able to bf.

butterflyroom Sat 23-Feb-13 21:27:23

I have one and would love another but DP says no. My head agrees but my heart is aching sad

jellybeans Mon 25-Feb-13 13:26:58

imip I can relate. I have had 8 pregnancies, 2 were stillbirths and 2 miscarriages. Other 4 resulted in 5 DC (one set of twins). We are done at 5 although not been sterilised so technically we could have another. But fertility and pregnancy means so much to me after what we went through that it is hard to know we will never go through it again. Getting pregnant again after loss we were just overwhelmed with gratefullness for living DC. It is hard to explain.

Almost6 Thu 28-Feb-13 11:23:27

hi everyone, I have 6 but always wanted 8, but due to a knackerd body, and a not so willing dh I will be stopping at 6 sad my children are 15, 13, 9, 7, 4 and 19mnths. I do get very sad that he will be my last although I'm very grateful for my happy healthy 6 I still get very broody. I've tried redirecting my energies elsewhere but I will always want another. I've now got 2 dogs and 3 ponies to keep my mind occupied but they still do not compensate for that longing. I have people tell me I'm crazy, and all sorts for wanting such a large family, and also thinking we are state spongers, which we are not we provide all our children want and need through hard work. the hard part of family life is finding an affordable 8 seater car, the best bit is family time all together when each of your children say love you mum, I will never tire of that.
think the only positive to not having more will be my washing pile will not get bigger lol. although I do still like my nieces and nephews round to add to the chaos that is my household, and even they say they don't want to go, so I must be doing something right. (will just keep hoping that an accident may happen and ill have another) or maybe just buy another pet lol.

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