Bringing baby home - etiquette for dd1 2yrs to be comfortable

(9 Posts)
lorisparkle Wed 09-Jan-13 21:11:23

you will be doing the first meet in hospital and lots of people suggest not having dc2 in your arms when dc1 comes in. we had put effort into making ds1 feel real ownership and involvement with ds2 and he was interested in him but not jealous. due to complications ds1 ended up being at our house with my dm, DD, and dsis. again he was interested but not bothered. my main issues have never been jealousy but more taking the opportunity to get into mischief when I was busy. my mum was fantastic and supported all if us when ds2 was born and for the first few weeks and this really prevented a lot of problems I think. ds1 and 2 are very close and were very keen to have ds3. they are all very close now (thick as thieves more likegrin ) and would love a dc4. having 2 is hard work but the rewards, IMHO, outweigh the negatives.

Beatrixpotty Wed 09-Jan-13 16:39:25

My experience says it probably doesn't matter what you do.DS1 was 19 months when DS2 was born, also had a section.I was desperate to see DS1 and for him to meet his brother as soon as possible so he came to the hospital on day 1.He wasn't that interested in the new baby though and it wouldn't have mattered if it was the next day.Came home after 2 nights, think a neighbour looked after DS1 whilst DH collected DS2 & me.Whoever collects you will have to carry baby, car seat, your bags..after a c-section you won't be carrying anything..if you take a toddler as well as someone has suggested that might be too much if they are only 2.I think the impact of a new sibling on a 2 year old is so great that what actually happens on the first day won't matter.After your section you won't be able to pick them up, bath them, put them in the cot, take them out in a pushchair, drive them to nursery etc for at least 3 weeks and this will have an impact.Don't mean to be negative but things will change A LOT for your 2 yr old.DS1 reacted by being horribly jealous of his brother, scratching and hurting him for a long time, and also developed an obvious preference for DH.He has forgiven me now though, loves his brother and plays with him all the time and in 8 weeks time DS3 is arriving , by c-section , so will be going through the whole process again but with a 2 & a 3 yr old so so knows how they will both react?Agree jealousy is a personality thing though & you sound like you are doing everything to minimise it so hopefully you will be lucky..

MirandaWest Tue 08-Jan-13 12:57:55

Am trying to remember what happened with DS and DD. I am pretty sure he was at nursery on the day she came home from hospital - I think we just went and picked him up on the way back home with DD. he had visited her in the hospital on the dy she was born so knew she existed.

He was 22 months when she was born and tbh didn't really pay her much attention for months, until she started moving. I did make sure where possible that I dealt with his needs first which did mean that DD was used from an early age to being put down when necessary.

NAR4 Tue 08-Jan-13 12:50:52

Mine came to the hospital with Dh to collect me and their new sibling. Think it makes more sense for them that way and they feel involved with the whole process. If this would be difficult I think having the day off nursery or doing just the morning, if that means they will be home before you. If they are at home to greet you I think it would be better than them coming back from nursery to find you already there.

I'm sure it will be fine whatever you decide. Some siblings seem to be jealous no matter what and others very accepting. Think it is partly just down to their personality. My sister had terrible jealousy from her first child when the second was born, yet I was lucky that none of mine were ever jealous of the new arrival.

You sound like you have already thought about the whole thing to try and minimise jealousy.

Arithmeticulous Mon 07-Jan-13 21:04:55

My last 3 were born at home so I can't help on the arriving bit - except I would wonder about having her home when you come back, because she'll be jumping up and all excited and you will be sore - so if you were already home and sat down, she can come up to you. Where the baby is depends on you.

I have a friend who just put the baby in the Moses basket, carried on as normal and waited for the sibling to ask where it was (took half an hour!). They said 'over there, did you want a snack now?' - totally underplayed it.

We just made sure we weren't holding he baby when we saw the older siblings, so we could have a cuddle with them and then give them the baby to cuddle.

LaCiccolina Mon 07-Jan-13 20:55:26

Exactly. It's a useful question certainly. Hadn't occurred to me. Dd is just 2. Yes mil will be around.

Yeah the sending back bit is bothersome! Just parroting what we've been told to try. I've no clue. We r both oc's so two will be one hell of a change in circs for us! (And GPS)

birdofthenorth Mon 07-Jan-13 20:42:05

Watching with interest as my DD will be 2.8 when DS is due. I think the post below is really helpful, I can imagine DD wanting to be a little helper and not feeling great about coming home from nursery as normal to find a rival in mummy's arms!

pookamoo Mon 07-Jan-13 20:36:40

Hi, in our case, DD1 was 2years 9 months, and she came with Daddy to bring Mummy and the Baby home.

She felt very important doing that "job" and we asked her to carry something (a baby hat I think) so she was even more helpful and important. She has a great relationship with her baby sister now (she is 4 and DD2 is 16 months), although I have no idea whether that start helped, it certainly made it relatively pain free at the time.

Is DD1 just 2, or nearer 3? It might be worth her taking the day off nursery? If your mum/mil is around to help it might be easier?

Not sure practically ignoring DD2 will be helpful or possible? DD1 will need to know her new sister is an important part of her family and that she can't send her back!

Good luck! grin

LaCiccolina Mon 07-Jan-13 20:29:33

Hi, i will have a csec in 2wks. Dd1 is usually at nursery a couple of days a week. its very likely i will be bringing dd2 home on a nursery day. Dh mum has asked if we thought it a good idea if dd1 was home first so dd2 is visibly brought in with mummy returning or if mummy and dd2 should be at home and dd1 comes home later from nursery and walks in with dh/nanny.

Not sure of reaction of dd1 at this stage, of finding dd2 settled in lounge in mummy's arms....? Obvs we all know to make an inordinate amount of fuss of dd1 and practically ignore as able dd2 so to speak. We also have presents from one to the other.

But dh/mil pose an interesting question. What say you please?

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