going from 1 to 2

[fireflyz]

I've currently got one child who's just about to turn 2 and I'm thinking about another. And wondering when...

I'm 37 so feel like I've not got loads of time. But still dithering! I worry about my energy levels & about my creaky old body coping with both pregnancy and afterwards, especially as I'd probably have a c-section again. I worry about how my little DC1 angel (!) would cope with having to share me - I know it's daft but a part of me actually feels guilty for even considering having another! I worry about being too tired and becoming a snappy grumpy old meanie towards DC1. I worry about how I'd feel if I didn't manage to BF again and about our finances if we had to use formula again. I worry about DC2 getting less attention than DC1 did & perhaps me having to put DC2 in childcare earlier than I would like (and earlier than I did for DC1).

And what are the pros and cons of different age gaps between DC1 and DC2 - e.g. a 3 year age gap, a 4 year age gap? (I don't think I could run the risk of waiting to make it a 5 year age gap...)

Argh! I expect I'm probably over-thinking it all, as usual. I just haven't quite come to terms with the idea that DC1 might end up an only child. (I was an only and can see pros and cons... as with having siblings I suppose!)

I know I have to just make up my own mind :) But would be interested to hear what people think.

TIA x

[charlottehere]

Looking back from when it is too late, would you be devasted if you didn't have another?

[zillyzilly]

Have another.

[Beatrixpotty]

Have another one! I was 36 with DC1, 19 months later DC2 and now pregnant with DC3 , will be 39 when due.I was lucky but so many people I know trying over 35 took ages to conceive, IVF etc etc,37 is not old but time is not on your side.Most children have some reaction to a sibling whatever the age gap; DC1 was very jealous but now clearly loves having another one around.Small age gaps mean things like activities and holidays are all targeted for similar ages.It hasn't been that bad looking back (hence pregnant again)! I will be on my 3rd section so some apprehension, but 2 nd one was more than fine.Also had all the feelings of guilt about neglecting DC1 and also DC2 getting less attention in the first 18m compared to DC1 but they are so outweighed by the positives of having a sibling.Go for it!

[GirlsGotInk85]

Hi, I remember crying with guilt when I went into labour with dc2 as I realized dc1 wouldn't be an only child by the end of the day (I'm now pregnant with dc4!!), I am so glad I continued to have more children and found going from 1-2 so easy, dc1 was 3 and adored the new addition, I still remember her little face when she came into my bedroom the morning after I gave birth she was so happy to have a baby. They fight continually now but I think that's more to do with dc1 now being a bossy pre-teen and dc2 won't take any if her nonsense. I'd say go for it.

[Gooseysgirl]

Having the same dilemma here OP..DD is 8 months and I've just turned 37. The main reasons we more or less decided to go ahead with TTC shortly is my age and also work circumstances. Would love to have had a bigger gap but I'm afraid to leave it any longer in case we have problems TTC. DH thinks we should also go for it so that we can get all the baby shenanigans with nappies, feeding etc over with (he thinks we are stopping at two However we adore our DD and worry about being able to divide our attention between two young DCs...

[Fresh01]

You are thinking about dividing your time between two kids but they actually get a huge amount of attention from their siblings. I love watching our children interact with each other. I had 4 in 6 years!

From watching others if you have a 3 year age gap they are still interested in similar things at a similar time no matter if they are same sex siblings or not. If you have a 5 year age gap, especially If the older child is a girl they try to mother the baby.

As the old saying goes "you will never regret any children you have..."

[Fivefootoffun]

An old thread but just wondering if any of those who were unsure either went for a second or didn't?

[Nigglenaggle]

We were unsure about a third for similar reasons to the OP on the whole. We went for it. I'm glad. But no fourth. He is 20mths old and a handful, and my body struggled much more with the pregnancy. But we love him, of course, and I love seeing the three of them together, the older ones really enjoy having him around and it's brilliant seeing him try to copy them. But I couldn't cope with another pregnancy (although I didn't have a bad time particularly, it just told that I was older), or another young baby. We rely heavily on grandparents for support and they are older now too. But I don't regret it and I think if you aren't sure if you want more or not then have another bash ;)

[Fivefootoffun]

Thanks for this nigglenaggle.

We've no family near us at all. Which in a way sways me more in the direction of no more although my dh takes the view that it's a reason to have another so our dd has some immediate family around her!

Thanks a lot for the feedback.