Stick at two children or have 3?(53 Posts)
Really need some advice we have two beautiful sons, one 4 and the other 2, we have been discussing about having another, but we are really unsure really need some advice. We really need to decide sooner rather than later as we've always said we didn't want one at the age of 30 and over, and also we really don't want there to be a big age difference between them, so rather all at once and then it's done with and then we can concentrate on them better as they get older. Does anyone have more than two children and know what it's like? Weather we should just stick with two and always wonder what it would of been like or weather to have another one and not to obviously regret it but wonder weather it was too much? Please please help.
I am wrong person to ask! Have 2 would love 3, but keep putting off a decision. I had a very stressful pregnancy with my younger child and worry sometimes that by having 3rd I would be trying to 'recapture' something. But I guess it's a natural drive to want more babies........
I have to say, three is absolutely marvellous. I think having a four year gap between the second and third was a master stroke! It's been lovely to have the baby all to myself while the other two are at school.
I'm thinking about it too- a lot! Hubby wants to stop at 2 but I keep thinking about a third. We have 2 DS (3 1/2 and nearly 2) and I always thought two would be enough, till I started getting broody a few months back. I'm worried too about the cost/practicalities (sheeplikessleep like your quote 'puts fingers in ears about the practicalities'!) I feel like just going for it and not worrying about all that! But am worried about sleepless nights, bf (failed twice to bf properly) but what really decides it for me is more a long-term idea of having 3 kids, and big family gatherings when they're older etc. Having more than one sibling to get along with (I have 1 brother but am not that close with him)
Agree with others tho- you really don't need to rush your decision. I was 32 when I was pregnant with my first and will be 35/36 with my last, so you shouldn't worry about being too old till after you hit 35 -that's when it becomes more difficult (potentially) to conceive.
anyway good luck with your decision- I just wish I could now make mine! (or persuade my husband to just go for it!)
mumoftwoboys - I'm also putting fingers in my ears about being difficult to conceive after 35 (I'm 36 in May) ;)
We are expecting #3 and I must admit I'm terrified. This one was a complete suprise as I was on the pill. But DH and I had been speaking about it for the future. 1-2 years int he future. Ds is 3 3/4 and dd is 23months so I'm really going to have my hands full but like everyone else I had that unfinished feeling. Like I still had more love to give lol so I guess it's just ment to have been this way :-) I really think you will be ok as we all manage don't we? I hope lol xx
From talking to older women such as my aunties etc, its really a regret to not have had more babies if you wanted to. Practicalities aside, the unfinished feeling does not go away ever and is a pang of pain right through your life. If you want a third do it, they would say.
I had a third much later than my other two, for this reason. I was 39 and my other are teenagers.
I would say that the more children you have the more your parenting style has to be 'muddling through' and lowering your standards (housework, organic freshly cooked from scratch dinners ha ha not happening in this house as I work FT too)
I am thinking about this too, but not sure.
I will be 36 in March so don't really want to leave it much longer. Although a lot of my friends have had 2nd in early 40 's.
DD is 10 and DS is 7 so it would be a biggish age gap. Would really love another but just not sure I can go back to the baby stage, the cant leave the house without a small suitcase full of everything you own apart from the things you need!
Actually I don't mind any of that, as i love the under three stage.
I've been thinking recently ooh great another 10 years and they will be leaving home and dh and I can go travelling and do whatever we want.
If I was the OP's age I would not hesitate.
I'm 30 and have 2 DDs: eldest is 4yo next month and DD2 is 8.5mo.
It took us 9 months to conceive DD1 and then 2 loooooooooong years and 6 Clomid cycles to conceive DD2. We started TTC again when DD1 was 7mo and I really wasn't prepared for how long it would take; I thought that I was going to lose my mind when trying for her because I knew that I wanted another baby. I've always wanted at least 2 children and am so happy that we have our 2 girls.
But maybe I'm one of those women who love being pregnant and having babies?? As DD2 is nearing crawling and that newborn-ness is quickly changing, I'm feeling a little broody. Friends who are announcing pregnancies now are making me feel a wee bit jealous ... but I'm absolutey terrified of trying again because I can't face the 'trying' bit. Also can't decide whether a large age gap or a smaller age gap between DD2 and another child is preferable ... If it's going to happen for me, I think I'd need a 'happy accident'.
Love this thread, btw. Really valuable discussion
sheeplikessleep - I feel EXACTLY the same. Just like an itch and my heart is also fighting with my head. One day I think I REALLY want another, the next I feel panic with the thought of stretching things financially, 2 kids in 1 room etc. And then the worry about starting over like you gemma4d the pregnancy, lack of sleep etc. Also sleeping arrangements- mine both go to bed around 7 but every time we've tried to put them in the same room they just won't sleep- youngest just stands in his cot and the other keeps talking to him! But when I think of a gorgeous newborn baby and adding to our family I just think it would complete us. Don't feel 'finished' yet either. But hubby isn't so keen....so that's my dilemma at the moment, working on him.
I'm 36 in Feb too so thinking about that ticking clock...
Nobody ever regrets having another baby, despite some difficult moments.
Plenty of people regret NOT having had another one and realising too late. Including me .
just realised I posted in Nov and have practically re-written the same thing again! (and can't blame baby brain with my youngest being 23 months!) anyway just shows I'm still broody 2 months on!
My mum said the same thing about not regretting it- if you feel like you want another it may be hard for a few years coping with 3 small kids but you'll have years of happiness with them and I love the idea of having 3 kids when I'm older and when they're adults -all those big family gatherings. Maybe it's because I come from quite a small family...
make sure you all post updates-I'm hoping I'll be posting on here in a few months with news that we're trying (once I've persuaded hubby!)
I always had three in my head. Think it is nice for the children to have more than one sibling both growing up and when they get older. Would have regretted not trying for a third although had to convince my husband who had two in his head. Managed to convince him and got pregnant straight away - with TWINS!!!! Now mum to four under four. Was a shock but still wouldn't change it so I say go for it. You'll regret not but be prepared you might get more than you bargain for!!
mumoftwoboysS that is what i was thinking that it would be hard for the first few years but that there would be so many happy years after.
ds1 is 3 and ds2 is 15 month and it took me unitl now to feel how i felt with with ds1 when i thought im doing ok and feel happy and relaxed with things i want another one so im thinking the same now and predicting it must take about the first year and a half to really struggle then things start to get easier that's just my prediction it might be completely wrong and i wake up tomorrow and my hair will be in the air panincing i don't want to do this
Sovemus: that would be my dream come true! Three pregnancies but a nice even number of children!
I just miscarried dc3 so am a little obsessed with threads like this as I'm keen to get back on with ttc. Would have had a 23 month age gap between Dcs 2 and 3 which sounds perfect. However as I'm being treated for PND (just about at weaning off medication stage) I've been advised to hold off for a few months. Boo
I have seven kid's and the eldest has just turned nine, so they all have really small age gaps....boy it's hard but it's nice seeing how close they all are x
BlackholesAndRevelations i went through exactly the same and would have had exactly the same age gap between ds2 and dc3 although i wasn't aware of it at the time i think i had prenatal depression (never knew it existed until i read about it). although i'd like to try again dps work is a lot of pressure right now and is away a lot and he is worried how i'd cope if we got pregnant again(and i do as well) so i think we'll hold out until may which will probably save my sanity in terms of a bigger age gap but a bit worried that the third one would be left out
'BlackholesAndRevelations* so sorry to hear you MC, hope you're doing ok. I think an age gap of up to 3 years is still close so you may still have them fairly close together?
I'm worried that could happen -after all MC aren't that unusual, and worried if that happened then OH wouldn't want to keep trying, but I shouldn't worry about something that hasn't happened yet I suppose. Had an 'accident' the other night (well hubby being lazy) and I'm SO hoping it turns into a proper 'accident'! but was day after my period so I guess chances are slim... though if I did get pregnant and all this 'daydreaming' turned into reality I think i'd be a bit scared! oh well, we'll see...
I am 33 and have a 6 and 3 year old. Dh and I agonise over whether to have another, it is getting me down, the indecision.
I think of all the things I can do if I stop now, but my heart won't let it go.i
Rubber glove, I feel the same as you! I'm agonising over the decision to have number 3! My youngest is only 1 so we wouldn't start trying for at least another 1.5 years but I litterally can't stop thinking about it already! My partner has actually agreed to having another so that's not the issue, I just want to be able to give my kids the time erc they deserve, I'm not sure that's possible with 3 or more kids??
Rubberglove im with you i am 32 and have 2 DDs aged 8 and 5 and am thinking about wether to give up or have one more. I always said I wanted one, my hubby said two... but we always wanted a boy aswell and i know chances are it will be another girl cant get it out of my mind. Financially i think we would be ok but my hubby is 40 aswell so starting again would be hard and was looking forward to enjoying life when they get older but it keeps niggling away at me to have another........or STOP?????!!!
Thanks, I'm fine now just about! Have totally thrown caution to the wind though, and seeing what happens! we so wanted that little bean.
I have three dd-7 .dd-4 and ds-11 months.
I found that ds have a sense of completion to our family . Would want another but wouldn't be able to cope or afford 4 and love the three we have.
Well.. Must be mad but we've managed to conceive again straight away! I so hope this is a keeper. Feel scared about the potential of miscarriage again but have come off the ads (though suffering a bit from withdrawal symptoms...)
Wow congrautulation BlackholesAndRevelations you must be super fertile Fingers and Toes crossed for you x
Blackholesandrevelations hope it all goes smoothly for you this time! fingers crossed. I'm still in the process of working on OH for #3. So impatient but I've at least got him thinking of what it would be like with 3 and he's thinking of moving the office upstairs to the garage (to make a room free for DC3??) lets hope so!...
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