Stick at two children or have 3?

(53 Posts)
nknight85 Wed 12-Sep-12 11:42:27

Really need some advice we have two beautiful sons, one 4 and the other 2, we have been discussing about having another, but we are really unsure really need some advice. We really need to decide sooner rather than later as we've always said we didn't want one at the age of 30 and over, and also we really don't want there to be a big age difference between them, so rather all at once and then it's done with and then we can concentrate on them better as they get older. Does anyone have more than two children and know what it's like? Weather we should just stick with two and always wonder what it would of been like or weather to have another one and not to obviously regret it but wonder weather it was too much? Please please help.

carolinecordery Wed 12-Sep-12 23:42:27

You'll never regret it. The 3rd will always be a delight in so many different ways to the others. But I'm sticking at 2. I feel I can't fully give to more than 2 and that the quality of my attention would be compromised with all the extra militant organisation etc. But it also sounds like you're young enough to change your mind later if you don't have another one now. The way you feel about the family dynamics may change 6 or 7 years from now.

carries Wed 12-Sep-12 23:47:45

I have 2DD, 8 & 5. I was planning to only have 2. Thought I was pushing it age wise (I'm 38), both at school, I was getting ready to go back to work, our family was complete. Then, whoops, I'm pregnant again! I'm only 17 weeks but even now can't imagine why I didn't want another baby. So so so happy, best surprise ever. Obviously don't know what it will be like in reality but am excited about the future. So, I would say go for it! smile

FatFaced Wed 12-Sep-12 23:49:36

I'm not a fan of even numbers. Go for it.

DevaDiva Thu 13-Sep-12 00:14:34

I'd love another, got 2 DCs 7 & 10 and would like more. But I'm one of three and always said if I have 3 I'll have to have 4,really don't want an odd number. Have decided to stick at 2, being sensible re: finances etc... But I'd still say go for it grin

nknight85 Thu 13-Sep-12 10:24:05

Thank you so much for the advice

SoozM Thu 13-Sep-12 11:13:56

I've got 3 DSs age 8, 7 and 4 and I love it!! It's like having a little tribe of my own. It's cerrtainly noisy and chaotic and I do sometimes think I should have stuck to 2 but that never lasts more than a milli-second. I think if I hadn't had 3 I'd always have regretted it whereas I have no desire to have a 4th as feel we're complete somehow.

nknight85 Thu 13-Sep-12 12:44:33

Thank you so much for that that's how I feel and we would never consider having 4 children, and we've always said before we had the boys that we always wanted 3 but after the 2nd DS we changed our minds as we have formed a special relationship with them both and I guess that I am just scared that my DS no 2 won't be my little baby no more as we've got a special bond where's DS1 is a daddy's boy. So am just worried, will I still love them all the same and will I push one child out if a new baby arrives scary.

littleducks Thu 13-Sep-12 13:08:16

I am like this. Dd is 6 and ds is 4. I'm mid twenties and dh early thirties, ideally I don't want to have kids in my thirties.

We always planned more, I wanted three and dh would have tonnes hmm but I'm just not sure now. I'm too busy with other stuff right now but worry about leaving it too late.

Also with one boy and one girl they now have seperate bedrooms, if we had another someone would need to share. I worry that putting a baby/toddler in with a 7/8 yr old with lots of tiny toy pieces would be unfair.

nknight85 Thu 13-Sep-12 13:13:47

That's one problem we don't have as both our boys share a bedroom which they love so we have a spare room as a plus. All I can suggest is put both kids into the same r

nknight85 Thu 13-Sep-12 13:15:32

Sorry didnt finish lol put then in same room until baby old enough to go in whoevers room they'll be sharing or keep baby in your room until baby stops waking during night then put baby in shared room. Xx

mamij Thu 13-Sep-12 13:20:07

We'd love to have three, but financially better off if we stick with two unfortunately! So the more the merrier in my opinion!

IWishICouldThinkOfAFabName Thu 13-Sep-12 19:42:54

We have 3 - 2 DS aged 12 and 8 and DD age 5. Our family never felt fully complete with just 2 children but after having trouble conceiving with the first two, we thought a third was unlikely. But nature works in mysterious ways and we had a lovely surprise with DD.
We found going from 2 to 3 harder than from 1 to 2. You need to think more about cars, holidays - and it does cost more. With 2 children there is a parent each - with 3 you have to spread yourself a bit wider !
Far more positives though so go for it. Most of my friends have 3 ( 2 of them have 4). However, there is no rush as you are still young ! As I knew that no.3 was my last I have really enjoyed the pregnancy, her baby and toddler years (even the sleepless nights, potty training etc) as I knew that I would never get to do this again.
We are lucky as our kids have a room each but so many children share rooms so don't let that put you off. Although a 2nd loo is essential imo !
Just don't have a 3rd in the hope of having a girl ( as you have 2 boys) as the odds are it will be another boy.
Good luck - having a 3rd is wonderful and you will love it !

nknight85 Thu 13-Sep-12 20:29:31

Thank you was a very nice thing to say and I am expecting will have a boy anyways as it'll be much easier for us but as long as their healthy am not botherd what we have. Both my boys love sharing a room so that makes it much easier. I think we are most Likley to try for a baby as soon as I have my implant out. But my main concern obviously is the fact of me and DH have a kid each so having 3 scares me that will be running after 3 kids lol and also that my littlest one won't be classed as my little baby anymore which makes me sad. Will I ever get over that?

SoozM Fri 14-Sep-12 12:50:58

I think this makes the middle child really special as they have the luxury of being a little brother and a big brother!! All my boys share one room out of choice and often all end up in the same bed which is the cutest sight, we go camping which makes for great fun, cheap holidays (never ever thought I'd hear myself sounding pleased about camping) and I manage to squeeze them all into my little car. I like to think each one has a special bond - the eldest cos he was my first born, the middle because he's my 'worry child' and my youngest because he's my last. I agree with 'Iwish', because I knew No 3 was my last I really, really enjoyed every moment of each stage of baby to toddler to starting school - next week, eek!
You're in for a fun time grin

nknight85 Fri 14-Sep-12 15:50:47

A stressful time you mean lol, thank you for your advice

nknight85 Wed 19-Sep-12 15:48:24

Thanks everyone for your advice, I've had my implant out today, and so we've decided to try for a baby. So fingers crossed that it all goes well lol

surfingluby Thu 20-Sep-12 13:42:55

We've got 3 and number 4 on the way. 11 yr old DD and 8 yr old DD and DS (twins), we love it that much we decided to go for number 4 smile
Good luck whatever you decide to do smile

Gabbyell Fri 09-Nov-12 06:56:50

I'm on number 5 ( plus two step children) after 4th I was a little unsure if it was me done, I asked friends who already made there enough decision one at one child one at two one at four they all said the same thing that you know you really know when you last is your last, its like the switch moves over and the decision it made

During this pregnancy I know its my last there's no more for me I'm done so 5 is my number.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Fri 09-Nov-12 07:00:39

Mine are 8, 6 and 3, always thought I'd stop with the two boys, but have to say can't imagine life without DD! The boys love having a little sister.

Happy to stop at 3.

ExhaustTed Fri 09-Nov-12 22:37:25

I have three, ds1 is 4, ds2 is 2 and dd is 8 months. My sons were planned, and whilst my dd wasn't exactly planned, she wasn't a total surprise either. I am finding it really hard having three so small, particularly as my dd is a rubbish sleeper, however I echo the above posters who say its lovely having a little clan, and seeing them all together just melts your heart. I do hear that the first year with three is a bit of a nightmare but after that it gets better (I blooming hope so wink)
I don't think there will be a fourth, but mainly due to money and space. It makes me a little sad, but I do feel complete and very happy with 3.

sheeplikessleep Tue 13-Nov-12 17:24:48

DS1 is just 5 and DS2 is 3 in March.
We have just started ttc for DC3.
We've spent the last two years deciding. It's been like an itch that just won't go! My head says one thing, my heart says another. But to be honest, it just feels like there is a space at the table at the moment. 3 is definitely our 'limit' (although if it's twins we'd cope), but we just didn't have that 'finished' feeling that many of our friends talk about.
I am so excited now though! <Puts fingers in ears about the practicalities>

febel Thu 15-Nov-12 23:01:54

I too loved the magic 3..especially when they were younger. Teenagers not always so good!! I like it cos I felt more like a tribe, an entity, whatever you want to call it. Stopped at 3 (altho was gonna stop at 2!) some years ago cos of finance, house room and car room. Also v ill when pregnant and couldn't stnad it again..altho sometimes wish had 4 but don't think my body, mentally or physically could have stood it. Three IS hard work, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, but I never found it as hard as my first one! For me it was the best thing I could have done and I'm proud of them all!

CountingSparrows Fri 16-Nov-12 21:25:25

I am obsessing over this! Ds2 is 18mths, we're early 30's so no desperate rush but still... There is no logical reason to have another but I cannot stop thinking about it and feel so sad to think we might decide not to. However, genuinely not sure we would cope with 3.

Arrgghh!

gemma4d Fri 16-Nov-12 21:39:15

I'm standing in the "endlessly thinking about it" line too. Have a 4yo and a 1yo. It doesn't feel right with 2 - it feels like I should have 3. I really want 3.

I'm not so sure I want to go back to square one again though - morning sickness followed by waking in the night, crying, total dependency etc.

I also worry about the bedroom situation - 3 bed house. I know lots of kids share, but DD1 and 2 both go to bed at 7pm: DD1 doesn't go to sleep till 9:30+(arrrrggghhhhhhhhh) while DD2 can be asleep by 7:01.

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