How many kids is too many kids?

(112 Posts)
keeleyandconor Tue 31-Jul-12 23:06:54

I was just wondering what you all thought about the amount of children people have. How many is too many? Do you think there is a certain amount that is acceptable but others that aren't? I ask this question because I am a mother of fifteen, 3 girls and 12 boys, of the ages 18, 17, 15, 15, 15, 14, 13, 12, 8, 8, 6, 4, 2, 10 months and 10 months. We have faced a lot of opinions about how big our family is, not all opinions nice or fair, most not in fact. I know that we are very, very happy with the family we have, how many there are of us, if we weren't happy then we wouldn't have had any more children, would we? It suits our families personalities, lifestyle, etc, perfectly. I understand everybody has their own views, but please try and keep them nice, on topic and constructive, but I would love to know what you all think, and how many children you do have or would/wouldn't have. Thank you smile

morescribbles Mon 11-Feb-13 00:17:30

I was one of six and used to love playing with my siblings but in times that I wanted my own space I would escape into books. I remember finding hiding places in the house and garden to read. I think that children can escape into their imagination quite happily smile my second daughter is very like me and finds corners to set up her own toys where nobody else is allowed to join in. After her fill of me-time she reappears and happily plays with the rest of her siblings. I am always careful to support any of my children who want that quiet time.

Perriwinkle Wed 13-Feb-13 17:34:39

After her fill of me-time she reappears and happily plays with the rest of her siblings

When only children do the reverse of this and have their fill of other children time and reappear to have their me time it's somehow seen as sad and people think they must be lonely.

The fact is there's nothing wrong with either but it's odd the way society thinks isn't it?

iclaudius Wed 13-Feb-13 17:47:59

Blackswan why is her body 'definitely ruined!' Quite shocked at that

And the play date comment

CarnivorousPanda Wed 13-Feb-13 22:05:45

I have 2, feel strongly about the environmental impact of choosing to have big families. I'm surprised that people dismiss this so readily or talk instead about the "green" lifestyles they live or the fact that their children are well cared for.

Where I live, everywhere seems to be a building site for new homes, countryside is vanishing. What sort of country do we want for our children?

Child Benefit was introduced originally in an attempt to raise the birth rate.
Does it still need raising?

amazingmumof6 Tue 26-Feb-13 08:23:35

carnivorous I think your point is valid, but a lot of people have no kids or have one, so it is all balanced out.

juule Tue 26-Feb-13 11:00:23

Amazing if it all balanced out, the population wouldn't keep on rising. But it does keep rising so presumably it doesn't all balance out.

amazingmumof6 Tue 26-Feb-13 11:22:42

well I would blame that on people living longer, sometimes artificially....

juule Tue 26-Feb-13 15:26:18

I'm not sure how you relate that to your previous comment that "lot of people have no kids or have one, so it is all balanced out."

On the one hand you seem to be saying there isnt a problem because it all balances out and on the other hand that the problem is that because people are living longer it doesn't balance out.

mumsylady Tue 19-Mar-13 12:28:22

I wondered if I should throw another load of "hubble & bubble" into this stew pot :D

I have 8 children ....not by accident....we certainly know how it keeps happening smile)

I am helping this country, not causing more problems........by producing intellectual, humble, knowledagable, sociable, polite, caring & sharing, (very handsome :D ) hardworking & capable children .

My children are all "top" in most subjects in their school, they are the most caring in their classes (ive been told on numerous occasions by teachers from different classes & schools) so no favouritism going on here...not that I need to be told, as I witness everyday the wonderful traits my children are adopting from the way in which we raise them.

along with many other positives, that comes from being in a large, hardworking, happy family (whom are not on benefits I hasten to add)

I see many children, swearing, smoking, truanting, acting like animals on our streets, these children "we know" all come from small families and their parents often turn a blind eye to the wrong-doings of their monsters offspring, and in some cases act no differently to their kids!

My children often comment to me on the Lazy kids being driven to school (5 mins up the road) yet my children walk & cycle the mile from our home , we lead a healthy lifestyle, eat healthy food & they know about taking care of themselves & the environment & others, they know about limiting waste & recycling efficiently ...something many many children from smaller homes dont have a clue about or dont care about.

These are the children that will be a drain on society, whom will not want to "give" as adults as they never learned to "give" as children. They will be a huge drain on the healthcare system, a drain on benefits & a drain on policing & much more. they will contribute nothing as adults, other than more unruly, criminal, lazy, selfish offspring ..These are the families / people whom should not be allowed to produce families IMO.

so before we cast our discriminations..we should look at >>who<< is creating the next generation, rather than the size of a particular family.

mumsylady Tue 19-Mar-13 12:43:41

Many people strive for wealth, they dream of winning the lottery & often believe money will solve many of life's problems, they work all hours in hope of becoming wealthier , having huge houses, faster cars, more holidays etc

I am rich, I have healthy beautiful children whom make me so happy to be alive. they each provide something wonderful into mine & my husbands life EVERYDAY.

If I had the choice of all the money in the world or my children , unquestionably, I would chose to have children. wink grin

TotallyBursar Tue 19-Mar-13 13:38:30

We have 5 with a wonderful bonus number 6 on the way.
There is a lot of prejudice in this country and families that don't meet the nuclear ideal will get a sticky beak or 2. Even if one does meet the 2.4 children standard then you will be pitied for not having the 'right' mix of sexes. No one can win.

The stereotypes are fairly samey - in fact many will take pre conceived opinion as fact & be surprised at the reality of our life. I do blame the Duggars etc for reinforcing a stereotype of patenting that many I know in large families choose not to adopt.
We are the parents therefore we parent our children, not their siblings.
We ensured finances allowed expansion of all the associated needs (larger house, horse lorry for school run, several cages and a food trough) so all of us had the space we needed to 'be' - if they choose togetherness that's great but it is a choice.
We are AP in our style - this means, for us, secure & independent dc but they all have sacred access to us, their needs are not sublimated due to a new baby etc we make sure there is both scheduled and child led 1:1 time with both of us. Their needs differ with age but it works.
We are happy to have an open house & frequenly have friends over, often one or 2 extra a day.
It may not work for others but we are all happy, well and secure. Our DC have individual stories, homework time and activities.
I run my own business but we are also quite self sufficient. We do more than many to ensure the best carbon footprint we can.
We aren't insular, nor do my dc get shunted from pillar to post.
We are both very good at the business of parenting - this is the crux of it. Unfortunately it is not something that can be acknowledged as fact without others assuming or reading a pejorative sentiment into it. There really isn't a worldwide parenting quota though - one person being good at it doesn't suck away another person's supply.
How many is too many does not have a universal answer - unfortunately the above answers of 'one more than you can cope with/support' often hinges on the fact one doesn't necessarily know this until a whole new person is in the world.
I would like to have to stop repeating that 'we will never base our family planning on your uninformed opinion, so please put a wooly sock in it - I don't care about what you think you know from lowest common denominator television' but hey Ho, if it wasn't this it would be something else I suppose.

Januarymadness Tue 19-Mar-13 13:46:14

Dh is from a large family (double figures) I think it is too many when adult responsibilities are passed on to children because the parents cant do it themselves. i.e older children looking after sick younger children. 12 year olds doing night feeds etc.

When kids dont get any personal attention.

There is no finite number as it depends on the parents. If you can look afer 15 kids yourselves, love them individually, give them personal arrention, afford to feed and clothe them and dont burden those children with responsibility unfitting for their ages then go ahead.

Blipbip Tue 19-Mar-13 13:47:56

I am the oldest of 10

We have three Dr.s, a vet, a city trader, teachers, a pilot and two still in full time education.

Yes we were very poor when I was growing up and yes we did have state support but I think that we are certainly giving back more than we ever took.

My parents wanted a very large family. I on the other hand did not - I have twosmile

NAR4 Tue 19-Mar-13 15:26:41

Totally I love your comment; horse lorry for school run, several cages and a food trough. I have 5 DCs and people are always asking how I fit them all in my house (4 bedrooms).

I grew up as 1 of 7 and we lived in a 3 bedroom semi. A room for the parents (my Aunt and Uncle), a room for the girls and a room for the boys. I had a really happy childhood and never cared that I shared my room with 4 others and didn't have 1 all to myself.

People seem to like a lot more space in their home than in years gone by. In my grandparents generation children rarely had their own room.

mumsylady Tue 19-Mar-13 15:36:18

thought Id best add...before anyone makes any wrong assumptions,
I was not making generalisations of smaller families either...

I am merely pointing out that people should not make assumptions of any families, just based on the number of children that the family has, or has not got.

Generalisations and misapprehensions will always be made , about anyone and everyone.

should anyone wish to make judgements...then only judge on concrete facts and not on assumptions from similar circumstances, we are not all alike, no matter how big or small a family we are.

In my opinion ....everyone is far too opinionated grin

Sparklymommy Wed 27-Mar-13 10:29:57

I have four children. I would love more, but at the moment it isn't an option. I love seeing my children play together and make time for each of them individually.

That said, my grandmother has stated that any more than 2 is greedy. I just told her I used my brothers quota too because he doesn't want any! Lol x

colditz Wed 27-Mar-13 10:34:23

I think more than two is too many. This world is over populated. It's irresponsible to keep having children.

PearlyWhites Wed 27-Mar-13 10:45:42

Actually it's not over populated that is a myth

PearlyWhites Wed 27-Mar-13 10:49:01

Everyone on earth could live/ fit comfortable in the state of Texas.

colditz Wed 27-Mar-13 11:00:10

And presumably everyone could eat and breathe there too? And we wouldn't run out of clean water, medication, or land to farm?

PearlyWhites Wed 27-Mar-13 11:38:58

Obviously everyone would not literally live in Texas it's just an example to show that the world is far from overpopulated.
My husband works very hard to support our four children I can assure you we are far from irresponsible.

colditz Wed 27-Mar-13 11:43:00

Overpopulating does not "no more people will physically fit on the land", it means "the land available and suitable for use will no longer support the population who need to use it."

This includes food, oxygen, shelter, clean water, medication availability, medical care. If there are too many people for the resources available, there is an overpopulation problem, and while we have people starving on this planet, we should not be adding more people to it.

PearlyWhites Wed 27-Mar-13 13:52:11

People are starving because of corrupt governments not over population. We have more than enough recourses it's unfair distribution that's the issue.

williaminajetfighter Sun 31-Mar-13 21:09:42

I say only have what you can afford to educate. People who have more than 5 kids-- yes you can pay for brownies now but can you afford 5 lots of University education? Sometimes kids from big families really miss out.

Re benefits, people with 10 kids will be getting over £600 pm in baby bonus and, if they get Child tax credit, can get min £500. So to say they don't get benefits is a bit misleading.

CheerfulYank Tue 02-Apr-13 03:59:27

I'm one of two and my parents couldn't afford my college tuition! My brother didn't want to go, so they didn't pay his either.

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