Mumsnet Talk

We currently have 3 (dd1 is 6 next month, ds is 19 months and dd2 is just 14 weeks)

We've pretty much decided that (if we're lucky enough) we'll try for number 4 (but not until our youngest turns 2 for various reasons)

I'm aware our dd2 is still very small so maybe we don't have a true picture of things but so far are coping really really well with 3, take it all in our stride and are pretty much enjoying every minute.

I'm just wondering if I'm being very naive in thinking that if we're like this with 3, 4 will be fine for us or will it be the straw that broke the camels back so to speak? Is 4 a lot harder than 3?

Tia

I am watching and hoping for lots of experienced replies as I am preg with number 4. When he or she arrives I will have dc1 5yr10month, dc2 just3 and dc just2. I'm scared!

1-2 hardest.
2-3 was tiring but DC1 was <3.5 when DC3 was born. And not a patch on 1-2.
3-4 was not difficult - DC4 is coming up for 2 and now the juggling has really started, up until then it was just more of the same.

I like you have 3. I found 1 to 2 really hard but 2 to 3 easy until dd3 got to 2, now I'm tired.

For me going from 2 to 3 was definitely the hardest. Not sure why, maybe because you're outnumbered. I think it was when I gave up lots of things (like going out for lunch, gym, reading the paper etc etc). Going from 3 to 4 and then 4 to 5 was much easier, possibly because my expectations of free time to myself were lower! Having said that I now have 4 at school and just one at home and my life feels free again.

1-2 was worst for me. Absolutely awful.
2-3 a breeze (in comparison)
3-4 not as easy but this is mostly because DD1 is really hard work and dealing with her on top of my current sleepless nights is tough (DD4 is 18w)

Ooh interesting stuff! Thank you all.

I found 1-2 very easy, only because dd1 was 4.4, I reckon (mc previously).

I agree with previous poster about the outnumbered thing (sorry I've forgotten your name, am on phone and can't see previous posts ), the one thing about 2-3 is I had 2 hands before, or there was 2 of us....

1-2 harder than 0-1
2-3 the straw that broke the camels back (particularily when dc3 was under 18 months)
3-4 same as 1-2 fine really. Though dc4 is still only 15 months and not walking or making many demands yet.

Also think as Loopymmsy says - by the time you have had 3 children a while, you give up on any form of your own life really. You just accept that life will never be the same again.

Hope I haven't put you off. There are some ok parts, honest.

Tricky don't know about putting barbie off but you've just scared me.

I'm expecting no4 and worried and your comment 'there are some ok parts' has filled me with more worry as correct me if I'm wrong but it comes across as not enjoying four at all?

I found 1-2 a breeze loved it in fact. 2-3 a shocker maybe because I had 3under4. But I found it really hard at the start.

This time round I was excited to be expecting no4 seemed a better number than 3 But now I'm really worried I won't cope or enjoy it

Am currently finding 3-4 much harder than 2-3 but that may be due to the fact that DC4 is only 5 weeks old!

At the moment it has gone from having a very small amount of time to myself to literally none and am finding it extremely difficult to fit in housework - although the oldest 2 are at school, things are just so hectic with the younger 2 in the day! Am hoping this phase will calm down, I guess once DC4 is a couple more months she will at least start going to bed at the same time as the others, so at least I will get a couple of hours in the evening.

So probably not what you want to hear, but I think you always just muddle through these things eventually! I always thought 4 was a better number than 3, as things are more even, so hoping my theory will be right once we have got through the hard 'little baby' stage!

I'm really in a panic.

I will have three at home for the first 6months and all four for the summer holiday when baby will still only be a few months old.

Think I might have to look into a complete days a week at a holiday club over the summer for my eldest if she is happy to go that is.

Ps I don't get much housework done now so with four one being a newborn I really wouldn't worry. It is the homework I don't want to miss each day but can be hard to squeeze in

In our case, 0-2 (first set of twins) was much harder than 2-4 (second set of twins).

Once your home is overrun with the little blighters, a few more don't make much difference <hysterical cackling>

2-3 hardest. But Number 3 is character-building hardest kid to deal with, anyway.

I'm expecting dc4 and will have 4 under 4.
Went from 1-3 with birth of twins when ds1 was only 2 and was very hard. Will it be easier going from 3-4 after already going from 1-3?

Am currently preg with DC 4 and when s/he arrives dd1 will be around5y2m, dd2 3.5yrs and dd3 22 months. Even now I've found that it is not necc the no. of children but the stage they are at. I expect some times of having 4dcs will be easier than others, just as having 3dcs. I struggle at the park at the moment being pregnant and dd3 refusing to walk. She's at an awkward age, too young for lots of the things to be safe for her at the park. dd1 and 2 are old enough to just get on with it. When I make dinner, dcs watch tv. dd1 and 2 are nice and quet and dd3 now is watching tv a little more so that I don't have her wandering around hot oven wanting to be picked up. I'm trying not to panic too much about dc4. I know some parts of having four will be bloody difficult and life for the next 18 months will be hard. I see lots of mum friends now resting back with their older one or two while I am still madly on the go, but i don't think I'd trade my busy, chaotic and messy family for a much quieter one!

Imip - I'm in your boat - ds1 will be 5.2, ds2 will be 3.2 and ds3 will be about 19m when ds4 arrives in 4 weeks. Ds1 and 2 quite easy now but ds3 hard work. Saw a 17 day old today and whilst she was gorgeous I was filled with terror about the reality on the sleepless nights, constant feeding and washing and general chaos (all in winter in Scotland) that is about to hit us.

Lolly I'm glad its not just me that is in a bit of a panic I feel like I'm going to excited to terror to excited to what was I thinking.

Fingers crossed the worry will be worth it. But think the first year will be one hard slog.

The thing is, speaking as someone who's at the other end of the children at home thing (4 at school, just 1 at home), it all passes quickly. So even if you feel really overwhelmed for a few months just remember they'll be at school before you know it and then you'll probably feel a bit sad and wish you had them all back again (or want another baby!!!). I keep looking at my 2 year old and thinking how quiet and slightly boring it is with just one at home. Never thought i'd think that actually, maybe better get a dog!

I've been feeling really emotional for the first time in the last few days. Had to order cot mattress and buy baby stuff again and it freaked me out. Lady at work asked if I was excited and I said no which made me feel . I know I'll love him but just feeling bit ambivalent about it all - think cos other things going on location and jobwise which is leaving us uncertain.

Lolly, poor you I can really relate to your feeling every now and then on most days the reality hits me and bloody scares me.

Things have A way of working out but doesn't stop the worry.

Feel free to talk as much on here as you feel comfortable to. I know for me I'm struggling to admit my worry and panic in rl being as everyone knows this was a planned pregnancy I feel a bit that my feelings about it are now up and down

Thanks threecurrants - mine was unplanned and late diagnosed (15 weeks). Caused a bit of grief between dh and I at start. He's better about it now but we sort of don't discuss him IYKWIM - not like the other 3 which were planned. That's what makes me feel bad for the poor mite-I've just had these feelings of oh no not again - I'm not sure I'm up for this and then I feel sick for thinking that like I'm cursing it or something. Sounds silly but that's what I mean about the 'emotional' thing.

I know what you mean, when i start to worry i think very similar things, like im not sure i can do this all again, life is just getting easier, how will i manage or enjoy going all the way back to the start.

I think the first yr will be really tough but hopefully all worth it

0-1 REALLY hard
1-2 fine
2-3 Tough at first but now (Dc1 -8 Dc2 -6 Dc3 -3) Much easier - my no.3 has been the easiest and most chilled out by far...to the point where I am considering a 4th...but so interesting reading all of the responses.

I hope it all works out for you.

0-1 a shock
1-2 the juggling started
2-3 easy
3-4 hard getting harder

i didn't see the hard work,emotional issues and the ammount of stuff in my house.i must of been in a milky haze!

The hardest parts of going 3-4 are dealing with the emotions of 1-3 upon arrival of 4 since a lot less time to spend with them initially...! The amount of washing becomes surreal but apart from those two issues (and trying to do the school run on zero sleep) 3-4 is only slightly harder than 2-3.... Don't worry too much about it, like with 2-3 it's just a case of 'establishing routine'....!