I need very honest views on 4 children please

[regnamechange]

We have found out very unexpectedly that I am pg with 4th and we are looking at all our options
I hope that does not offend but need advice on what life with 4 is really like?

I have a bigger car so that is not a issue for a start. With no3 15months and the elder two at school/pre school we felt that we slowly getting a life back etc

I am so confused.

Thanks to any replies in advance!

[fruitshootsandheaves]

I have 4
It's sometimes difficult to find time for them all but it gets easier as they get older.
It's not that much different to 3 really in terms of washing and mess. Cars are difficult as you always have to have a people carrier or similar, and bedrooms may become a problem when they get older and don't want to share, we divided up our biggest one so they had a room each.
Holidays are expensive too, there never seem to be any deals for families bigger than 4 or 5

[fruitshootsandheaves]

oh that sounded all negative!

i love having 4, never intended to but it's great, quite often chaotic but great.

[JaxTellersOldLady]

my SIL has just had her 5th child. The eldest has just turned 13, youngest (apart from newborn) is 6. She needs to be super organised, give time to all the children, but I have to say her house is a happy house. Yes, they have made sacrifices, but they muddle along just fine.
The children play together (mostly) and I love it when we are all holidaying together which makes it 7 children 4 adults. We all have a good time.

If you have 3 imho then to have 4 isnt much different, but then I have 2 and dont want more.

[JaxTellersOldLady]

I didnt think your post sounded negative fruitshoot

Honesty is best, no point saying "its a total breeze" when we know that it is sometimes organised chaos!


I often have all 6 (excluding baby) with my DH and I and it is manic, but fun.

[bellylicious]

i have 4, 3 boys of 9, 6 & 4 and a little girl of 17mo

it is chaos at its most poetic lol
it can be fun happy sad and frustrating all in the same day
at the mo im having some issues with my 3 boys fighting, but with some more in depth manegment of their time and emotions and problem sorted

ok money isnt as fluid as it was when there were only 2 but it just makes you more imaginative

holidays for us have become more fun, we ditched the flights and passports and got ourselves a trailer tent that sleeps 8
we hitch that up book a cheap pitch and away we go, last year we stayed in devon for 8 nights with electric hook-up ect for £80!

hot tip of the week, cleaning-pick what needs doing and what can wait a day or so lol
or draw up a rota and do a tiny bit each day
i go with the leave it for another day

you will do fabulously x

[babyapplejack]

I am one of 4. Both no. 3 and no. 4 were unexpected! I would say go for it. It will be tough when they are all young, but I really like having lots of siblings.

[slipperandpjsmum]

I have 4 ds 14, ds, 8, dd 7 and ds 2. Its very busy and as others have said you need to be organised. I work full time.

I did not feel to much of a difference between 3 to 4, bit more washing, bit less money, bit more of a struggle to find somewhere suitable to go on holiday but then we always go with my Mum to so that makes 7.

Although its not always sunshine and rainbows I totally love having a big family, always lots of friends round, sleep overs, someones party to celebrate.

Our house is far from tidy (did a thread about this and had some wonderful, wonderful replies).

Congratulations, stay calm and once your new addition you will manage, you have 3 now number 4 will slot in nicely!!

[PorkChopSter]

I have 4, 6yrs-15mos. Going from 1-2 was far harder than 3-4. There is something to thinking once you have more than 2 you don't notice one extra . DC4 really fitted in and the juggling of his needs has only just started, until now he was v v flexible. I think the smaller gap the better as well.

[Misfitless]

It's great!
Too tired to do a long post which'll be a first for me!
I wouldn't change it for the world.
My youngest is 15 months and when we brought her home she seemed to bring such calm to the house, it was bizarre.

It isn't like that now, mind you, it's quite chaotic but it's mostly great fun.

[BadRoly]

I have 4, dd(9), ds(7), dd(4) and ds(21mths). I am with PorkChopSter that 1-2 was the hardest jump for us. It is chaotic and logisitics can be a bit of a pain but I really do love it.

I am a scutter so housework is not a priority although I do occasionally get pissed off with all the general crap that gets left lying around - but I should imagaine that that can happen with 2 kids anyway.

I have finally trained the older ones that clothes are not necissarily dirty if you have worn them for 4 hours after school and so I have found the laundry is probably one load a day for clothes. I will probably shame myself now but I do bedsheets monthly and rotate, so one week I do ours, then the next room the next week etc. Scutty for many but it keeps it manageable for me.

Holidays - well we moved to Cornwall last year so that is much less of an issue - life is one big holiday (or so many of my friends tell me!)

[LowRegNumber]

Ok, honestly?
If you can manage three then 4 is no different. You are already up into the realms of needing to be well organised and manage your time properly so no real change there.
Money-wise you shoud already have a good idea of the costs involved, you can either afford it or not. Only you know how much of an issue that is.

Personally I found the 4th was much easier than the third, three was tough, four was great. The whole three is a crowd thing plays a big part and it is totally true in a family IME. I echo Misfitless, the fourth really did make a positive difference from teh time she arrived.

As for getting your life back - that is a feeling I am familiar with although I had it going from two to surprise three. Only you can say, I do look back whistfully at times and think about how different things would be but then I usually come to the conclusion that I would not be happier. I know there are many things I would never have done if I had stopped my family earlier and I am very glad that I did not. Honestly I would not turn back the clock. Not from four to two and certainly not from four to three! Having just the three does not bear thinking about for me!

This is a big decision and I don't think it is fair to congratulate you when you are at such a tough time. I hope you manage to reach the decision that is right for you and your family

[LongStory]

I had a surprise 4th pregnancy at the point where I was looking forward to the end of the baby phase. It was a difficult decision to go ahead. The twins are totally lovely and the children do love each other a lot which I feel compensates for the material and e.g. travel / holiday losses they feel.

There have been a lot of fundamental changes and life is a constant juggle of work (2 careers), juggling domestic support, not running out of milk / bog roll etc. We are rarely invited places but instead it works better for friends and us to host here so our home is often full of friends and children. The housework, noise, school paperwork, medical appointments, laundry, homework, nappies, etc are relentless. But on the positive side I don't waste one moment worrying about most of the things that our society does (planning holidays, shopping trips, toilet training accidents, work gossip, being houseproud etc). We make a real effort to minimise our environmental impact. I am often tired but for good reasons. To survive I go for a drink with friends once a week and spend too much money on nice haircuts.

It's hard to look back on my decision to proceed and see that I would be happier with the alternative. Guess you choose your course and make the best of it! HTH.

[mumof2girls2boys]

We have 4 ranging from 10-4. It is hard work, but very reqarding, wouldn't change it for the world. Although there are times when at midday I could down a glass of wine, you walk away take a deep breath and then go back calm. It can be hard work finding holidays (as already mentioned) but we now have a large tent and have even been known to go on a skiing holiday in a tent (yes we are slightly mad). Life can feel at times like you are a taxi service but then I don't know anyone with kids who doesn't think that (1 or 4). I have a rota for housework and a chore list for the kids, it get easier as they get older and can help out more. Internet shopping is a god send and we tend to buy value brands of all the things the kids eat (they can't tell the difference like us).

Going from 3 to 4 was a lot easier than 1 to 2 and with 3 we always found someone was left out.

Look forward to years of chaos and thinking that by now you could teach the swimming/music/ballet/football lesson :)

Sure you would cope fine, just remember that every now and then you will need to drink a glass of wine and tell everyone to leave you alone !!

[Rilith]

I found my 4th harder, but only because my 3rd is Special needs with Downs Syndrome, so she started hitting milestones around the same time as my 4th did. They walked within 3 weeks of eachother, that kind of thing, so part way it was like I was suddenly unpreparedly with twins that werent twins

by the time I had DC5, things had settled down and its all worked out quite nicely, even though DC4 is more advanced than DC3, and no5 is catching up with DC3 too. It cant be that bad cus I am due in 12 weeks with no6 ;)

Like any children, your 1st you have ups and downs, your 2nd is no different and neither are any others. You will have good days and bad days, but the good days make it soooooooo worth it

[MUM2BLESS]

We have four children. Its like having three but they can do things in pairs.

Holidays etc usually say a family is 2 adults and 2 children.

It also depends on the age gap of the children mine are 6 9 12 and 15. Someitmes it can seem like you are paying for lots of things all at once. For example at school (dinners, trips, uniform etc)

I do not regret the amount I have had. I gave up work just before my second was born in 1998, I started working from home as a childminder in 2008.

May I congratulate you on this . Everything will be alright just wait and see. Take one day at a time and enjoy every moment.

I send you a BIG HUg!!

[threecurrantbuns]

Im interested in responses on this thread as i had a scare a while ago and didnt want a fourth at the time but now its all i think about. Bit cant imagine coping

[emy72]

I have 4, ages 6 to 18 months, 2 girls and 2 boys. TBH I found having a fourth very hard because I was so tired when I was pregnant, running around 2 toddlers and getting 1 to and from school with 2 toddlers and a baby wasn't fun. This year I am finding things a bit easier and recently I have gone back to work 3 days a week, which is bliss!

I wouldn't change it for the world, of course, but it is harder and it took me a while to get used to the CONSTANT remarks.

[barmbrack]

I have a friend who is married to one of five.

He has always insisted he only wanted 2 DCs as his (lovely, loving) parents never had enough time for them all.

[mamatomany]

It's 25% more washing, food and toys if that doesn't put you off along with the fact that hotels are out of the question for sometime then it's meant to be.
I have been surprised at the amount of extra work the 4th brought with him, but he is yummy so it's worth it ;-)

[Misfitless]

regnamechange I have tried to PM you twice but for some reason it won't let me. I'm too tired now (it was a mammoth message I'm afraid) but I will try again tomorrow. Hope you're feeling ok