Mumsnet Talk

Our family is
me speaking french and english
H speaking english (with avery brioad accent. It took me a couple of years to be able to alwways undrstand him) and having some understanding of french
2 dcs both bilingual
my parents speaking french and some english. Enough to gte around but not enough to have a half dcent conversation iyswim.

When we are at my parents who have moved to the Uk a couple of years ago), there is always an issue of which language to use.
GPs speak french to the dcs and me.
I speak french to the dcs and GPs, english to H
H speaks english to the dcs.
Quite often H is left on the side line but if we all try to speak english, it doesn't seem to work either (GPs struggle with the english and to understand H)

So which language would you chose to use in this sort of setting?

I would do as you do, your dh needs to learn (and use) more french otherwise he will always be sidelined imo

yes, stick to french and tell your dh to take more french classes.

Thanks!
I was starting to wonder if I wasn't too harsh.
dc1 is nearly 9yo now so I have very low expectations re H starting to learn french....

Your husband can do what he likes - but has to put up with the consequences of that decision.

Don't make everyone else pander to his decision not to meet you halfway on the French-speaking!

You know that has been my stance since the start. It is up to him whether he learns to speak french or not.

But tbh it is becoming very hard now. With my parents (that we see relatively often) but also at home. As he doesn't always follow what I or the dcs say, it is impossible to have a family conversation wo me speaking english.
Which is a problem because with them at school full time, meal time is the one time when we have the opportunity to really speak together.

Also remember that adults have varying degrees of ability to learn another language. There are people around who struggle speaking one language properly, let alone learn another. I have a friend who is married to a slavic woman, she speaks her language with the kids with his full support, they've lived in her country but he simply is crap at learning languages (his English is a bit rough at times and I've tried explaining some basic grammar to him but he can't remember the difference between a noun and a verb).

If your husband isn't making an effort, then that's his problem. If he is but is struggling to learn, then that may be a permanent obstacle.

The other thing that comprehension normally outstrips the ability to produce language - so it may be easier for your parents to speak to him in French and for him to speak to them in English (something that happens a lot in my extended family with various languages).

AussieCelt,
I think that him speaking in english and my parents speak in french would be a great way to solve this problem.
Not sure of H willingness to learn french or if he finds languages difficult. I think it has a lot to do with him deciding as a teenager that he didn't like french and that he would never need it anyway...