Mumsnet Talk

Hello,
My daughter is 3 and is bilingual French/English (DH is French, I'm British). We live in Belgium, where the local language around us is French, and DH and I use French as our conversational language at home.

I only speak to DD in English and DH only speaks to her in French.

However, DD attends an English-speaking school (for reasons which I won't go into here!), is exposed mostly to English language TV (and radio, music, etc.) and when at home spends most of her time with me (DH is working long hours these days). So essentially she is being exposed to far more English than French at the moment.

The upshot of this is that she has stopped using French to address DH, and instead speaks to him in English most of the time. We often have to actively remind her to speak to daddy in French. This time last year she had no problems speaking French and would happily switch between the two languages.

DH reckons she has "lost" a lot of the vocabulary she had built up in French, and I agree that she seems to be struggling to express herself sometimes.

Meanwhile, her vocabulary and language in English are fine and she has no trouble expressing herself whatsoever.

We are at a bit of a loss as to what we should do. DH has been trying to encourage her to speak more French, but we don't want to impose it on her or make it become a chore.

Should we just accept that bilingual kids often have a dominant language and just "go with the flow"? Has anybody else experienced this? I really don't want to force things - just looking for a bit of reassurance really.

She will be exposed to more French as she grows up, though, I guess? Do you intend to keep her at English school for long? I would think it'll even out.

Also, she can watch more French TV etc at home.

DD is trinligual. Was bilingual and has started creche recently and now tries to speak French at home as well, which is a bit of a pain.

If you intend to send her to French school at some point, I wouldn't worry.

Don't worry about it. She will be exposed more to French as time goes on. Do you have any French speaking friends, or relatives?

Our children are trilingual and have had phases of one or the other language being dominant.

When we lived in Germany it was German, now we are in Switzerland it is English (and French is stronger than German) but they can still express themselves well in all three languages.

As time goes on, I am realising that we might have to accept that one of their languages will be the less strong one, but if and when they start using it more it will get easier for them.

I have noticed a huge difference in my DH's English since we moved to Geneva where everyone speaks English (he is German) and it is the same for the kids.

This has happened with my dds with flemish being the dominant language - school, and all of dh's family being flemish. They were speaking to me mainly in flemish ans although I have always responded in english, I have never wanted to force them to speak english.

I have had to make a concerted effort to expose them to english with no Flemish around - in particular with my parents, on trips to England (including going to Brownies and Rainbows in England) and when they have visited here. This has made a huge difference and they both speak very good english and the eldest is reading in english.

Can you send your dd to any french activities? Have you considered a bilingual french/english school?

i think it's only natural for her to have one more dominant language. firstly, as you say, she is exposed to more english than french at the moment. and secondly, we all have a default where we are more comfortable. it isn't a bad thing at all. as she gets older, french will be playing a bigger part in her life.

my son is bilingual. his first language is english but he is being educated in irish and he has actually started thinking in irish rather than english as a default now.

I wouldn't stress about it too much - she is only 3 after all, and maybe just adding in a bit more french language TV and games would be enough to redress the balance. One of my friends has a trilingual daughter who uses two of her languages day to day (live in a mixed english and french area, but my friends family all are primary french speakers), but spends blocks of her year with her father in Germany. When they moved from Germany away from dad aged 3, she lost her german very quickly, but on first return it only took a week to be back to full speed, and now aged 6 it only takes a day to switch back.

Thank you for those words of wisdom. I think I will try and increase her exposure to French through other means, though I'll try not to worry too much!

We probably won't be sending her to a French or bilingual school for various reasons (in the long term she'll be going to the international (European) school where she is very likely to continue her education in English).

Things that helped us were DVDs, books (if your dh can read her bedtime story that might lead naturally to conversations in the same language) and contacts with other children. In your case, I would say chances are it will balance out eventually.

If she is going to go to the European School in the English section, with French as her first foreign language, she will learn French well enough in due course but English is likely to dominate right through primary. I would think about getting your DD to do more extra-curricular activities in a totally French-speaking environment.

There are so many activities to do in French in Brussels, it's hard deciding. When we first arrived in Brussels, I sent the children to loads of French activities and just one activity in English, now they don't do anything in English, but I spend an awful lot of time with the children choosing their activities and also not choosing too many activities. I'd look at group activities in particular, ones where your your daughter might form some friendships where you can invite the children over to play. Our daughters have found friends through French guiding, swimming, theatre classes.

Is it not worth considering a French section at an EEB rather than English one, to increase English? You are likely also to encounter in both French and English sections, the SWALS children who may make up half the class, so even exposure to English or French may be compromised. Bonsoir is spot on though, if you choose the English section of an EEB, then English will certainly dominate for a long time.

The only bilingual school in the greater Brussels area I could really think of for a child ALREADY bilingual is the lycée francais or possible BSB, as the others really don't have many French mother tongue speakers in the schools, so yes Gastrognome is probably quite wise in avoiding that route. Oh and Acacia is also majority French speaking bilingual, but then at age 6, it becomes 75% English curriculum, which doesn't help a child who needs their French reinforcing.

Does she have the vocabulary to speal to dad in French, I used to know an English family who went to France with kids aged 9 - 14. The younger two sometimes speak to each other in French because they do not have the voacabulary.

It can be as simple as you doing housework when dad is out so she never learns the French for 'duster' and 'vacuum'.

Maybe your DH can read her bedtime stories in French. Also, French dvds, French CDs for young children and if possible join a French club once or twice a week. I think that the essential thing is that your DH keeps talking to her in French, she may answer in English but she is still being exposed to French. Hopefully once she feels more confident in French she will start speaking more in French - that is why a CD with French songs for young children helps as well.