Stupid things people say about infertility...

(81 Posts)
alarox Fri 06-Jun-14 15:50:07

This week from MIL:

"Infertility is nature's way of telling a couple they don't belong together."

She doesn't know DH and I have been TTC unsuccessfully for nearly three years. She said this about her friend's daughter who has endometriosis. Apparently if she met the right man, the endo would magically disappear hmm

Another gem from a friend who has switched to a gluten free diet:

"People struggling to conceive should give up gluten. They'd get pregnant then."

She doesn't know we're TTC either. Don't want to be pestered to give up the things I love!

What stupid things about fertility have you all heard?

The thing your MIL said is just awful.

However I think there is something in the gluten part. I have endometriosis and took gluten and lactose out of my diet, my condition improved a lot. Not enough to get pregnant naturally, but I do think it was a factor in my successful round of IVF.

MyFeetAreCold Fri 06-Jun-14 15:57:59

It's nature's way of controlling the population. (Wtf? No one says that to people with terminal illness do they?)

Just adopt. (No, you just adopt.)

LadyIsabellaWrotham Fri 06-Jun-14 16:03:47

Oh god, even on MN you still see "if I can't get pg I'll just adopt".

tiktok Fri 06-Jun-14 16:06:45

A friend of mine who struggled with fertility issues for a long time hates people who say 'Maybe you're trying too hard?' or 'Just relax - maybe you are too stressed?'

Talk about blame the victim angry

myitchybeaver Fri 06-Jun-14 16:13:20

It's awful. My infertility was made infinitely harder by ignorant and insensitive attitudes and beliefs.

My own mother who had 3 healthy babies, the sex she wanted, conceived the month she wanted had told me all my life how the only important thing in life was 'to be a mother'.

When I couldn't conceive she told me that I was not destined to be a mother and I just accept it, stop whinging, basically. Some people are just not meant to mothers apparently. My negativity and depression was probably the reason I wasn't getting pregnant - NO I was depressed because I couldn't get pregnant, you mad selfish bitch!

3 DC later, I am so happy and love being a mother and have a distant relationship with my 'mother'.

I am so sorry to anyone suffering for all the ignorance and all the hurtful things said flowers

Oh yes I used to be told that as sooooon as I stopped thinking about it, I would get pregnant. It have me The Rage so bad.

MyFeetAreCold Fri 06-Jun-14 16:24:34

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jun/06/i-know-the-pain-of-infertility-and-talking-about-it-helps?CMP=fb_gu

This article pretty much nailed it for me. And the comments could fill this thread.

roadwalker Fri 06-Jun-14 16:28:23

A friend who had 4 children told me, once you reach a certain age the desire to have a child will disappear
How the hell would she know that?

alarox Fri 06-Jun-14 16:34:04

Wow, people are so thoughtless! tak1ng, congrats on your successful IVF. Out of interest, did you have any symptoms of gluten/lactose intolerance other than infertility?

I am so close to coming out of the infertility closet to stop people asking when we're going to have kids. But they won't shut up then, will they? There'll be all this 'advice' to 'help'. I know I couldn't keep my sarcasm down. "Relax? Oh my GOD I DID NOT THINK OF THAT! Thank you so much! I'll name the baby after you!"

*dislaimer: not usually this wound up. Stressful week smile

alarox Fri 06-Jun-14 16:41:26

Thanks for the article MyFeetAreCold thanks

Jackie0 Fri 06-Jun-14 16:47:25

I remember being offended at a certain person jumping to the conclusion that it was me that was infertile. She'd been raving on for ages about acupuncture to help with ovulation and didn't even look embarrassed when I said " why would I do that? My dh is infertile not me'.
It's an assumption a lot of peopke make.
If anyone is interested infertility is one third female, one third male and the remainder is unexplained.

YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime Fri 06-Jun-14 16:51:28

one of my oldest friend came to stay with us while she helped her sister with her new baby. unfortunately I miscarried at 8 weeks when she was staying.

I didn't tell her because I did not want to put her in a difficult position - and I was ok hearing about her sister's baby. life goes on etc.

it was all fine - except when she said her sister DH needed to rush home from work as they had a new baby and DP & I didn't need to rush home as there were no children at home.

drinkyourmilk Fri 06-Jun-14 16:57:10

I hate being told that when I stop trying so hard it will happen naturally. I want to tear off their heads. This is NOT our fault.

Yes ala I had woeful IBS. That's why I originally took gluten and lactose out but then I noticed that I did not need such strong painkillers when my period came and eventually didn't need any at all (from taking Mefanemic acid and co-codamol and still vomiting with pain).

MrsHY1 Fri 06-Jun-14 17:08:58

The 'relax and it'll happen' old chestnut always got to me, big style. A friend wig has been TTC for some time now asked me whether I thought stress was playing a part in delaying things. I told her that during my third FET, using the very last two of nine blastos created from an IVF cycle that put me in hospital with OHSS, I had never been more stressed. Work was crazy, we had spent thousands on tests, we'd watched 7 blastos perish by that point and I was beside myself. And yes, that was the successful cycle that led to the six month old DD currently power napping in her buggy beside me. Good luck OP smile

MrsHY1 Fri 06-Jun-14 17:10:01

That should read 'a friend who.' Bloody autocorrect- what the hell is a friend wig!!!

roadwalker Fri 06-Jun-14 17:17:35

If it was stress then fertility treatment would never work
Parking, hospitals, cost, tracking cycle and injections is enough to stress the most calm person

tiktok Fri 06-Jun-14 17:17:46

A 'friend wig' is a wig you are particularly fond of....obv! I am not sure why they would be wanting to reproduce themselves, though smile

chislemum Fri 06-Jun-14 17:20:54

"it is not meant to be"....

People can be awful/thoughtless....

VenusDeWillendorf Fri 06-Jun-14 17:27:25

Listen gals, just some advice from someone who waited too long ttcing, if you've been TTCing for more than 6 months, you should go and see a fertility clinic, your dp and you need a full work up.

Often it's the sperm that are faulty and multivitamins and minerals can make a difference there as it takes about three months for a sperm to be made. A work up of your DH will indicate who needs to make the most changes to increase your chance of success.

Best of luck to you all- my DH and I were three years TTCing, and it turned out that his sperm were wonky.

I heard all the above and worse, and it was eye poppingly infuriating, as I knew it was in essence my DHs problem, but all his family (and mine, and everyone else) assumed it was my ovaries/ tubes etc etc.
I think I would have swung for murder by the end of it- especially when people said "relax, it will happen!"

I suppose no one knows why some people can't have babies, or haven't had them yet, and so we have all these stupid ideas and sayings to prattle off so we feel better about someone's painful situation. As someone said, "advice costs nothing, and is worth every penny".

No excuse for rudeness or thoughtlessness though, and I wish all the best of luck.

We had IVF on and off for 4 years and I had these pearls of wisdom wink

Just relax

Maybe you should accept the cards you've been dealt

You're not getting any younger

I'm the only one in the street without grandchildren (my mother)!

Is he putting it in the right place!

My ex was azoo, we were never going to get pregnant naturally. Thankfully we have a 6 year old after 5 cycles grin

Maryz Fri 06-Jun-14 17:59:54

"Maybe this is God's way of telling you you shouldn't have children" - more than one lovely holy person hmm

Or my sister in law, when I did get pregnant after 12 years of marriage and two adopted children:

"Isn't it a pity you didn't know you could get pregnant in the end, you needn't have bothered adopting the others".

Cow

alarox Fri 06-Jun-14 18:18:09

Just speechless at these comments sad

I'm no saint mind, I remember in my early twenties asking a colleague when she was going to make baby number two cringes how ignorant I was! I hope these people will also be mortified one day at the things they said.

MewlingQuim Fri 06-Jun-14 18:30:40

I have spent 10 years ttc. I had 2 miscarriages following fertility treatment and have a dd (2) conceived by icsi.

My friends know my history and yet keep asking me when I am going to have another and don't I think the age gap is getting a bit big? angry

I have had 3 failed cycles since dd was born and I am now over 40. sad

JRsandCoffee Fri 06-Jun-14 19:38:55

Holy moly maryz just that, I'm speechless at that one! And mewling I feel your pain.....

I think my personal favourite remains the "just relax" line...... Heard at regular stress inducing intervals from just about everyone. Kindly have sex and travel people......not helpful, not helpful at all!

drinkyourmilk Fri 06-Jun-14 21:28:04

MaryZ what an absolute cow bag!!

Maryz Fri 06-Jun-14 21:44:02

Yep, she is a cowbag. She's said some awful stuff to the kids as well - I don't see her any more, thankfully.

Reading these comments really brings me back - the "relax ... get a cat ... book a holiday ... I knew a woman once who ate seaweed/arsenic/dog poo and got pregnant the first month after that" comments used to really get me down.

What I hated most was the Irish habit of patting on the stomach and saying "anythin' stirrin' " which seemed to follow me around for years.

flowers to everyone living through this.

QOD Fri 06-Jun-14 22:12:09

After my dd was born thru straight surrogacy (not biologically mine but conceived for me and mine from an ovum)

"Ah how lovely, but I still think you'll have your own baby one day"

Er ummm wtf?

To my friend who has had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy and had to have both tubes totally removed as they were so mangled ....

"It often happens once you think you can't have them"

Er ummm not if you have no tubes ...

everythingisonmurtaghlist Fri 06-Jun-14 22:21:43

After ttc for 5 years and finally giving birth to a beautiful little girl via IVF we were still in the hospital when mil asked when we were going to have the next one?! And she knew all about our issues. We still get it now from others too. Drives me crazy.

everythingisonmurtaghlist Fri 06-Jun-14 22:29:46

Oh and also for "are you sure you're doing it right? Ha ha ha".

Thislife Fri 06-Jun-14 22:33:51

Stop trying, relax, forget about it and it will just happen. And they have always got a story about someone who did just that. How can 'relaxing' mend Fallopian tubes or correct an ovulation problem?

Solaia Sat 07-Jun-14 20:38:23

In my darkest moments I do sometimes toy with the idea that DH and I shouldn't be together since we don't seem to work properly and there's no identifiable reason. I'm allowed to think this sometimes because 3 years of TTC has pushed me to the brink and forced me to evaluate things I took for granted. If someone actually said it to me (especially my MIL) I would be devastated!

Aquarius1 Sat 07-Jun-14 20:40:21

Really helps reading these posts. What about the stupid things we tell ourselves as well? For me, it's mostly just thinking its my fault & I'm not doing the right things, but at my lowest points I wonder if I'm being punished for something. Stupid me!

Aquarius1 Sat 07-Jun-14 20:42:11

Solaia - crossed posts with you - I've thought that as well! Terrible & definitely not true.

victoria401 Sun 08-Jun-14 12:13:00

We've had the usual

Relax and it'll happen

You're trying too hard!

And since telling my mother that ivf is the only option...

That's a shame, oh well it was never meant to be, that's it for grandchildren for us then.

That article was amazing to read. I wish I could share my thoughts and feelings 'in real life' to people. But I do keep it as a shameful secret. We've had a baby boom in my work place over the last 2 years and workmates are always saying 'oh my money is on you next' etc. At one point I always thought I would be! But the announcements keep coming in and I'm fading into the shadows and avoiding the tea room when maternity leave ladies bring their bundles of joy in to show off. Should I say something in work? I don't know!

AiryFairy7 Sun 08-Jun-14 15:19:46

Victoria401 I would say something if it's upsetting you. I did. Babies were brought into work two days in a row when I returned to work (too soon) after mc in Feb. Every time a baby is in our office one colleague always says 'it'll be you next' or 'when are you going to get cracking with having kids?' I ended up having a quiet word with her. Just honestly told her how long I'd been ttc for and that I'd not been on holiday for the last two weeks! I made her cry because she felt so stupid for being thoughtless, but it was worth it. She's super nice to me now!

Solaia - I've had that thought too. So pleased I'm not alone in my crazy thoughts! I don't know what I'd do without my DH though. The only good thing to come out of this whole ttc mess is that it has brought us closer together than we thought possible and has made us appreciate the smallest of things.

My 'desperate to be a grandmother' mum said a few weeks ago 'why didn't you start trying earlier' .... um, because I'm not a psychic and didn't ask for this to happen!

thanks and big hugs to everyone. xx

dildoos Mon 09-Jun-14 21:04:10

Hi all, the fab things we are advised makes me SCREAM of course in my head.

Your problem is you don't relax!
When the time is right!
Look you have one child! ( needless to say DP should make do with none of his own!)
What's the hurry? ( well I am 33 soon to be 34 )
If it's to be it'll be!
On finding out my sister pregnant my mother said " poor love she needs us all to knuckle down and help her as it happened sooner than she wanted!"
On my SIL finding out the infertility issue wasn't me was her brother " well that's a relief it's not you!" Excuse me did I miss something ?
Now I get to hear her say about her baby wants to know when it will get a cousin? And now she is pregnant again , that's right 2 babies and she is feeling sorry for herself as she is hot in weather at 15 bloody weeks ( erm excuse me but I would love to be being violently sick and hot if it meant I had a baby for myself, your brother and my DD would get her much longed for sibling!)

Dreadfully sorry ladies just really bad times sad. X

victoria401 Mon 09-Jun-14 21:21:09

Big hugs dildoos, we're here for you and we totally understand and 'get it' when others really just CAN'T! X

dildoos Mon 09-Jun-14 21:30:52

Thank you Victoria. I didn't actually realise how much stress came out until I started writing all that down. I may try it in a diary or something?
I don't know how to word this with out wishing it on you all, but it's nice to meet others that have to take this from others too ! ( however I wish none of us did ,) x

purplemeggie Tue 10-Jun-14 17:59:23

It's not just to women, either. I have a male colleague who has confided in me that he and his wife have fertility problems - my husband and I are going through IVF at the moment, so my colleague and I chat from time to time.

We were at a work party, and a big group of our colleagues were teasing him about the fact that they haven't had children. He's the office joker and I don't think it ever occurred to anybody that this subject should be off-limits. I waded right in there with "they only got married last year: give them a break" - but I was mortified for him.

tobiasfunke Tue 10-Jun-14 18:05:34

From SIL who had neither boyfriend nor child at the time 'Don't worry I'll be able to provide the parents (MY PIL) with a grandchild'. Like after 6 years of infertility that was going to make me feel better. She was so pissed off when I did have a baby a couple of years later just before she got married.

Catlover2014 Wed 11-Jun-14 08:48:38

People are unbeliveable!

After getting a cat I was asked "why don't you have a real child instead".

I've also been told "you're not getting any younger".

Since telling people we can't have children I've been asked:

Have you tried lying down after? Maybe you're not doing it right? Is the problem with you or him? Why don't you just adopt?

I've also been told I can get a baby from Russia. How on earth they think that's a good idea I do not know haha!

X

tigerdog Wed 11-Jun-14 11:30:34

After telling a friend (who has a baby) about our 18 months ttc without success I was told to 'make the most of it'. I don't want to make the most of it, I want to start a family. A few holidays and lie-ins do not make up for the worry and despair that comes with not being able to get pg.

I have also been told that I am putting myself under too much pressure to have a baby. Erm, not really, I just made a few positive changes - job/house/lifestyle - so that I would be ready.

Oh and 'why don't you just try and forget about it' then I'm sure it will happen. Good on anyone who can operate in total denial but that's not me!!

That feels better!

victoria401 Wed 11-Jun-14 12:25:48

Its crazy isn't it?! I found a really good print out from an infertility webpage that you're meant to give to family and friends with things not to say/do etc. I feel like handing them out to the whole world!

Jessewalt Wed 11-Jun-14 15:12:33

My favourite so far came from a group of my husband's male friends who came round for dinner. 2 of them got their wives pregnant straight after getting married and they were congratulating themselves and said "i was just glad that the wee man works". (We are scottish).
In fairness, they do not know our situation, but it was horrific, particularly for mr Jesse who had recently had a substandard semen analysis.
No wonder we all feel like hibernating through this!

Solaia Wed 11-Jun-14 21:43:47

Jesse we have heard exactly the same, every time one of DH's friends announces their wife's pregnant it's followed by 'at least I know I'm not firing blanks' or some such shite. Makes me want to kick them right in the semen-making area!!

eurochick Wed 11-Jun-14 21:52:29

The "relax and it'll happen" crowd as usually those who have been able to get pregnant in a month or two. I was quite relaxed at that point too. Less so after a couple of years...

purplemeggie Wed 11-Jun-14 22:14:32

Yup. I've taken to smiling breezily at them and saying "you might as well suggest that I don't breathe for a bit." So annoying.
Our infertility is secondary. DS is 6 now...and it's been a little while since anyone asked if we were planning to have any more. It used to make me well up - particularly when we'd conceived after 3 years of trying and then miscarried.
But actually, that's another REALLY annoying thing people say - when you've just miscarried - "at least you know you can conceive now..." - That's true, but I'm no nearer to having a baby.

alarox Thu 12-Jun-14 05:28:13

Thank you so much for sharing your stories. I've read them all with a face like this shock People are UNBELIEVABLY insensitive, but it does help to read I'm not alone!

In work this week if I've been a bit clumsy people have said "I've heard that's a sign of pregnancy!" then looking at me as if expecting me to say "Yep, you got me! I'm pregnant!"

Just wondering how long it takes post-wedding for the comments to dry up...

Chottie Fri 13-Jun-14 03:21:21

goodness, there are some insensitive people out there, these comments are just awful and down right cruel.

Perhaps we need to think of some comebacks / put downs to them?

Greyhound Fri 13-Jun-14 03:39:45

Too many to count...

After 4 miscarriages, I started a new job. The office nosey parker, a tiresome woman, kept asking me LOUDLY why I didn't have children. She just kept on and on. In the end, I just walked away.

Have since had ds;

Foodylicious Fri 13-Jun-14 03:43:46

Aside from having hesrd many of the above, one of the best l heard after returning to work after a mc was " its ok, I think your boby just needs a practice run to know what to do next time"
Had been ttc for nearly 2 yrs by this point... she is lucky I just walked away.

AiryFairy7 Fri 13-Jun-14 07:23:21

Omg foodylicious

shock

That is horrendous.

I'd love to know some good comebacks. I sometimes tell cold facts delivered with humour but hate making people feel awkward! I can't work out whether saying nothing is the best thing or not. It might stop them being mean to someone else in the future.

purplemeggie Fri 13-Jun-14 11:55:20

Foody - comeback: "Would your brain like to count that as a practice run before saying something more appropriate?" Cannot believe anyone would be so crass. Grief people are crap, aren't they?

Definitely let's put together a list of comebacks. xxx

catsofa Fri 13-Jun-14 20:02:26

"Er, do you really think that's..." (glance around conspicuously making sure no one else can hear) "appropriate?"

Colleague is worried and asks "Is what appropriate?", hopefully shitting themselves that they've done something awful

"You know, asking people about having kids. In my last job the receptionist got fired for saying something like that, she didn't realise the boss' son had just died, you never know what might be going on for people..."

CanISayOfHerFace Fri 13-Jun-14 20:51:26

When I was about 20 I was guilty of asking a colleague repeatedly when her and her husband were going to have a baby. One day she said to me "It's really rude to keep asking me that. For all you know we might not be able to have children." Well did that shut me up! I was mortified and rightly so. I never asked anyone this again.

After TTC for 3+ years I heard it all. Someone even recommended I get a puppy as their friends had been trying for 10 years and had given up but after they got the puppy they ended up pregnant. Well okay then. I'm sure that was directly related!

With regards to the old favourite of being told to relax and being too stressed to get pregnant I eventually started reeling off the stock reply "Stress does not cause infertility, infertility causes stress".

ChoudeBruxelles Fri 13-Jun-14 20:57:56

Mine and dh's difficulties trying to conceive a second time we're clearly less important that sil, as we already had one. No matter that it took us 4 years to get pregnant with ds. I was told that I didn't joke what it was like to really want a baby and not be able to have oneangry

resipsa Sat 14-Jun-14 23:53:44

Everything happens for a reason.

No, it fucking doesn't. In 6 years we have seen; my Dad die, my being left with a permanent facial disability (random), 3 miscarriages. No reason for any of it.

mawinter Sun 15-Jun-14 14:39:05

When telling people it is impossible to get pregnant naturally I often hear - "everything is possible dear".
Then if I explain things I get back - "Stranger things have happened!"

HopefulHamster Sun 15-Jun-14 14:53:39

'Just relax'
'Oh my friend was infertile and they started treatment and just before they had it they got pregnant!'
'You're trying too hard'
'Have you tried putting your legs in the air afterwards'
'Ah, you've had a miscarriage. But at least you got pregnant!' (Bear in mind they NEVER say this to a fertile woman, so ultimately they end up consoling someone who is fertile over a miscarriage, and saying 'never mind' to someone who struggles to conceive in the first place!)
'You could just adopt' (Because a) it's easy and b) the duty of infertile people and c) so many fertile people do it - yeah right)

I've had all the above said to me. I'm very very lucky, I had my son after 2 x IVF and am pregnant again following a miscarriage inbetween. But I think I will always have an 'infertility mindset' which no doubt some people would find terribly sad, but a part of me still does a little internal self-pitying cringe when I see pregnancy announcements or people being really blase about having babies.

MrsHY1 Mon 16-Jun-14 09:56:05

One for the list of comebacks to insensitive comments on fertility (warning, not for the faint-hearted):

When asked whether we were pregnant yet/ whether we were planning to be etc etc I had been known to reply "well, it's something we're thinking about, but to be honest, I love it up the bum so much that I'm reluctant to do it the old fashioned way." (Said very airily as if discussing the weather). That shut them up pretty quickly wink

nolly3 Tue 17-Jun-14 22:04:48

this is a brilliant thread. love the comebacks

my favourite tactless comments so far:

why don't you just have an affair?

are you masturbating too much? because it can make your bits too acidic (nb this is bollocks, panic not)

in addition to many of the below...

purplemeggie Wed 18-Jun-14 10:18:02

Nolly Why don't you just have an affair? WTF????

MrsHY1 Wed 18-Jun-14 12:51:47

Who ON EARTH had the balls to ask you if you were masturbating too much Nolly???!!?

nolly3 Wed 18-Jun-14 15:03:36

yeah. a mate - she was pissed.

Greyhound Fri 20-Jun-14 20:04:43

It doesn't stop when / if you are lucky enough to have a successful pregnancy. A neighbour looked at my bump (after four miscarriages) and said "Try not to lose it this time!".

I found being amongst women at antenatal group a bit strange because they all looked uncomfortable when I mentioned my miscarriages. I didn't form any friendships there.

I also felt uncomfortable when my HV visited me in my last trimester and announced that this baby was "meant to be". All my babies were meant to be sad

Rumplestrumpet Fri 20-Jun-14 21:26:33

Wow, ladies, I'm gobsmacked at some of these comments, and really feel I've been let off easily! After more than 2 years TTC I've had my fair share of "when are you going to start a family" (my DH's response : "we ARE a family").

I also hate the fact that DH's family think that we're delaying having kids because of my career, and so often frown upon my success, or take the effort to ask me (again!) "how old are you now?" as if I needed reminding! But also I find new acquaintances tend to ask the same Qs - "Are you married? Do you have kids? No? Oh, how old are you?" with the obvious implication that we ought to hurry the hell up. Don't they get it?!!?

canIsay I also remember being that annoying 20 yr old asking other people when they'd have a baby - "don't leave it too long!". Certainly getting my comeuppance now!

MrsHY1 - I nearly fell off my chair! I don't think I could carry that off, but I'll hang on to it incase I get pushed to my limit ....

purplemeggie Sat 21-Jun-14 11:31:02

Oh Greyhound - a health visitor really ought to know better sad

Greyhound Sat 21-Jun-14 21:15:01

Thanks Purple - I agree with you.

Trazzletoes Sat 21-Jun-14 21:19:22

My DS will not be able to father children naturally if he grows up (aggressive chemo). This thread is really helpful. I want him to grow up knowing it but for it to be as normal as poss for him and to support him in any alternative options he has.

Phoenix2014 Sun 22-Jun-14 12:52:40

On telling a friend we were beginning IVF:
"You never do things the simple way do you!"
WTAF!?!?

From the sonographer at the fertility dept in a bored Friday afternoon tone:
"Well all the bits are there, they just don't do what you want them to!"
YES REALLY!!!

Someone else at work two days after I returned from a miscarriage:
"What a shame you don't have kids, you'd be lovely"

Big un-MN hug to all, whatever stage you're at...

Tanacot Sun 22-Jun-14 13:07:26

The worst is from parents of young children. Four or five of my friends have told me I am lucky. But...ach, you know, I do swallow hard and forgive them as I have lived through extreme sleep deprivation myself and I know it makes you do and say mad things in desperation. And people don't mean the stupid things they say mostly. It's just not thinking.

But another woman, mother of two, I know, who I actually just chucked as a mate as soon as she did this, posted this cartoon (excerpted for your convenience) at Christmas on Facebook and they all had a good laugh. She then told me I was oversensitive for objecting. I am, er, not a sensitive soul, truth be told, but wow! Haterade!

Phoenix2014 Sun 22-Jun-14 13:38:04

Tanacot your ex-friend is toxic. That is not funny on any level whatsoever.

Tanacot Sun 22-Jun-14 15:04:58

I know, right? It's got so many levels of wrong in it. I'm sure you could write a paper! See how the aging, childless woman is depicted as monstrous, and, crucially, selfish-- she consumes to the point of immorality (the modern wanton being the glutton and sloth) as she drives the man to suicidal despair. She is a failed mother, and therefore woman and therefore human being.

It's really interesting actually, I think, as a cartoon because it unconsciously exposes a lot of cultural baggage hanging around anyway, not just in my ex-friend but generally in society. I went back and looked over it after I disengaged from the ex-friend and it really struck me - I do think sometimes jokes are very revealing.

Greyhound Sun 22-Jun-14 16:22:27

Tanacot - unbelievable!

I once worked in an office (whilst going through recurrent miscarriage) and there was this awful woman who had a sweepstake re who would be next (at work) to have a baby. I dreaded her talking about it and refused to have anything to do with it.confused

lildottie Mon 23-Jun-14 22:53:16

hi all. glad to see there are worse idiots out there than the ones I know. makes me feel "lucky" lol!

sil has a 1yo who I look after once a week and she knows outlr troubles. she likes to tell me "its good practice for you" I don't need f'ing practice, there were babies in the house through my teenage years (half Bros) what I need is a baby of my own, I've had plenty of practice.

I also think I may hit the next person who tells me to relax and it will happen - my best friend who gets married in a few weeks and is going to start trying then. she also knows of our issues. OK bitch, come back to me after 2years of ttc and say that!

caveat: I don't really wish this on her or anyone but feels better to get that out!

lildottie Mon 23-Jun-14 22:58:14

oh god. just went on fb and someone has posted:

you can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one

umm I'm not finished with this chapter yet!

camillebbmvalez12345 Tue 24-Jun-14 18:58:47

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bessie84 Thu 24-Jul-14 17:22:31

good lord, these comments have shocked me. hugs all round ladies.

the "you trying too hard" gets to me, how the feck are we trying too hard!!!!!!!! or "when you stop trying, it'll happen" REALLY.

blooming heck......... x

victoria401 Fri 25-Jul-14 20:44:16

I actually had the "you never know, it might happen once you stop trying" from one of my closest friends the other day, even though they know dh's sperm is 100% useless!

Also my mother asked me the other day if she "could tell the family" the truth now instead of saying I was a career girl! I bloody said no! She even said it with a kind of excitement in her voice as she loves a good gossip with her sisters! She had no idea!

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