First time ICSI failure

[Madgwick]

Hi,

I'm very new to this so I am just trying to find others in a similar situation for some advice and support.

I have PCOS with an AMH of 137. Six rounds of Clomid and didn'the get pregnant so referred for IVF. Had long protocol and 5 eggs collected but 1 was immature. On the day of collection the clinic told us they wanted to switch to ICSI, Husband's sample still good quality but motility seemed to have dropped. Went ahead with ICSI, of the 4 mature eggs, 3 fertilised and were at 7, 8 and 8 cells at 3 days post collection. Clinic wanted to wait until blastocyst stage before transfer. Only 2 survived but clinic told us they were good quality (but no grade given?). We had one transferred on 8th October and one frozen.

All seemed ok at transfer but started bleeding two days before test date (17th). Negative test yesterday and this morning and clinic said to test again Wednesday and continue with Cyclogest but I'm fairly sure it's still going to be negative.

I'm struggling so much with being upset at the failure despite trying really hard not to get my hopes up as it was only our first try. I don't have anything to base it on but I'm so worried that we will fail again. We have our frozen embryo that we can try a second time with if it survives being thawed.
I'm just feeling lost at the moment and trying hard to hold it together.

[Blueroses99]

Hello madgwick, I'm so sorry that your cycle didn't work. My first cycle of ICSI was also unsuccessful and I found that when i started to bleed, it was excruciating, not just the crushing disappointment and loss of hope, but also the drugs in the system which meant that all emotions were extreme and I cried for days on end. I had no blastos on day 5 in my first cycle so it was doomed before implantation but we went ahead anyway. We also therefore had no frosties so you're one step ahead of me there.

First attempts often don't work as there is an element of trial and error, with response to drugs etc. I can totally understand the fear of failing future cycles. My way of coping was do loads of research and prepare for my second cycle completely differently. It worked and I got pregnant! (Sadly there was no happy ending but that was completely unrelated to IVF so I won't share it here). I've now started my third cycle and hoping it will work again.

It's ok to feel low, you've been through a massive undertaking. Be kind to yourself, look after yourself and DH. When you feel more positive, you've got a frostie waiting for you, but don't feel you have to rush it.

[Madgwick]

Hi Blueroses,
I'm sorry you've also been unsuccessful and hope that everything goes well for you this time.
The meds definitely do weird things to you, my emotions have been very mixed up. I started crying on the Friday before we definitely knew anything was wrong so I wonder now if something had changed with my hormones. DH has been supportive although he seems to be confused by how upset I've been and has said that perhaps as I've had to go through all the treatment I'm feeling the impact more. I just felt an enormous sense of loss which was a bit of a shock as I had been convinced that I was doing an ok job at not getting my hopes up. It's a loss for him also though so I hope he's coping ok and not just saying he's ok when I ask. The last four days have been so up and down with emotions, fine one minute and sobbing the next.

The research sounds like a good idea. I definitely need to do some on FET as at the moment, I know very little about what the treatment will be.

Thank you again for being so kind, it means a lot.

[stealthbanana]

Madgwick sorry it didn't work for you. What a blow.

When it comes time to see your clinic though, you might consider asking them why they put you on long protocol. Your amh is high (even for a PCOSer) and the general wisdom is that we respond much better on short protocol. Plus, although 5 eggs is an excellent number, it's a lot lower than would be expected from someone with your AMH. Just some things to think about in addition to asking the questions about th icsi.

None of which detracts from how you must be feeling right now - be kind to yourself, for you

[GrinAndTonic]

The first round of IVF is usually a trial run. They look at how you respond, what works and if you are successful then hooray but for a lot of people it is just a starting point for further treatments.

We have had three rounds of IVF/ICSI and have had zero eggs fertilised. I have never had more then five eggs collected. So while I fall into a shitty failure category it gives some perspective. Four eggs is good. Three fertilised from that is great. Two usable ones is awesome.

There are no guarantee with fertility treatments and it seems a lot is hit and miss. This is where forums like this come in handy. Do as much research as you can. Push and push for more options and tests. Ask here for advice. And cry. Talk to your DH. Talk to friends.

[Madgwick]

Hi Blueroses, Stealthbanana and GrinAndTonic how are you all doing? Your advice back in October helped me so much. We finally got a bfp but it is very early days (5wks) xx

[anametouse]

Congratulations, there is a pregnancy after infertility thread you might want to join

[Blueroses99]

Hi Madgwick, congratulations! So pleased to hear your news. Was the BFP from the FET? My cycle worked too (though I've had a few complications since) and I'm 21+4 today. Come and join us over here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/2850825-Pregnancy-After-Infertility-IV

[stealthbanana]

Really pleased to hear that madgwick. I now have a 15 week son! Really hoping your little bean sticks around. What ended up being successful for you? Is it your second frostie or did you do another fresh?

blue - cheering you and baby D on. Hope you are bearing up ok xxx

[Madgwick]

Hi Stealth, congratulations that's great news. Unfortunately our frostie didn't survive thawing so we started again from scratch. I was put on long protocol again but a higher dose of Gonal-F. We got fourteen eggs, ten fertilised but by the time we got to transfer day we had one transferred but none of the others were high enough grade to freeze. Took three days off work after transfer and didn't move from the sofa. Seven week scan next week so fingers crossed!